We’re in the kitchen and not talking about Muslims. Instead, my Muslim daughter and I are making pies. Pumpkin. Apple. Crusts just right. Filling on point.
This is the Thanksgiving my daughter wanted. No arguing. No debating. No theological fighting. Just cooking, family, and togetherness. “Look, Mom. We’re bonding,” she says, and we look at each other and laugh. Together.
Both of us know we shouldn’t be here. Together? I shouldn’t even imagine it.
But God.
I want to say those two words so badly—to start preaching “up in here,” as my beautiful urban pastor would say. Instead, I stand in my daughter’s Nashville kitchen, measuring out flour, cracking eggs, politely sprinkling nutmeg in the pumpkin pie filling, keeping myself from jabbering about terrorists and mass shootings and my precious daughter’s wild, worrisome, and theologically unwieldy journey to Islam.
Our Christian daughter is now a Muslim. And I can find grace in that?
Grace is the last thing I expected in 2001 when she walked away from Jesus, leaving the cross for the crescent. In our long-standing and immovable Christian family, her announcement kicked me to my knees—the best place for a believer, but still the toughest.
As a mother and daughter, our faith battle was “royale,” and we fought it hard and ugly. For ten long years we could barely speak to each other without arguing.
Indeed, I was furious with my daughter’s decision. I was embarrassed. I didn’t see it coming—this global shift in our family’s faith dynamic. We were, after all, determined Sunday churchgoers, and we were real satisfied about it.
While away at college, she left the family faith altogether. Still hungry to know a god, as she tells it today, she gravitated to students from the Middle East who espoused a belief called Islam. Intrigued by her new friends’ modest garb, cultural theology, and claims of a deity “who doesn’t need partners”—a reference to Jesus, as she explains it—she left Him for them.
Without warning, she donned a hijab, recited Islam’s short Shahada (profession of faith), and converted.
I got the phone call not long before the 9/11 attacks.
“Hi, Mom. I just called to tell you that I’m a Muslim.”
“A what?”
“A Muslim.”
And there we were. That long road of walking casually with Christ as a family, of watching a daughter pull away but not knowing how to address her emotional departure, of seeing that she didn’t know the Lord for herself but not making it a priority to learn how to fight that particular problem through prayer, had led us to this moment.
“Mom, I’m a Muslim.”
For years I told our story with pain and regret. Remorse and heartbreak almost trapped me in an unyielding state of self-condemnation and guilt: I’m a bad mother. I’m a bad Christian. I’m worth nothing to the kingdom of God, so I should just stop trying to be worth anything to anyone.
But God.
Remember those words?
They show up in the Bible in the most unlikely places: with rain-soaked Noah (Gen. 8:1); with life-exasperated Jacob (Gen. 31:42); with sibling-challenged Joseph (Gen. 50:20). Standing before his starving, cheating, double-dealing brothers, Joseph invokes the two most grace-soaked words of the Bible: “You intended to harm me, but God…”
So, I reasoned that if every “but God” in the Bible is true, it had to be true in my relationship with my daughter too. I had to extend grace to her first. Gritting my teeth sometimes — as she would say now, laughing — I stopped battling over religion and granted her the grace of trusting God with the end of our story.
Humbling, indeed, is any family’s grace journey.
But God.
Grace rises to become the best possible gift to offer a loved one, trusting God with the final say, especially when the two of you don’t see eye to eye. I learned that the hard way. Beating myself up for failing, I received from the Lord not condemnation but an assuring and welcome break: “Yes, you are a good mother. Yes, you are a good Christian. Yes, you are worth much to My kingdom and to this world, no matter what you or your daughter did or didn’t do. So stop sorrowing and get to work. I need you in the vineyard.”
This is grace undeserved, as our theologians say.
Stunned by this grace, I therefore extend it to my daughter. I no longer fight with her. We make our Thanksgiving pies on this Nashville day and never once argue. Instead, I luxuriate in my daughter’s kitchen love, watching this woman I raised cook and stir and busy herself in that way that looks like me—even if when we pray we’re not yet on the same bright path.
I could berate myself all day, moping around the kitchen and feeling sorrowful about our interfaith dilemma. Instead, I choose to let my daughter love me, to let my grandchildren spoil me, to let my husband joke with me, and to let God assure me. In that way I take grace one step deeper: I extend it to myself.
I now pray with hope and accept God’s love on purpose. This lets me walk, live, and serve without looking back.
I could gorge myself on regret until I’m stuffed. Instead, by grace, I eat pie. “Taste and see,” says the psalmist, “that the Lord is good” (Ps. 34:8). He is. Always.
Excerpt by Patricia Raybon, from Come Sit With Me
In our new book, Come Sit with Me: How to Delight in Differences, Love through Disagreements, and Live with Discomfort, 26 (in)courage writers show you how to:
- delight in your differences
- honor and value others even when you disagree
- connect before you correct
- trust that God is working even when people disappoint you
- live and love like Jesus by serving others.
These amazing women get fully vulnerable as they share about the real, the hard, even the yet unfinished. From politics to religious differences, from dealing with toxic people to dealing with our own unforgiveness and desire for revenge, (in)courage is here to reveal the struggles no one really wants to talk about – and how we can actually grow closer to God and others through the circumstances we’d rather run from.
It’s launch day, and we’re celebrating!
To celebrate the release of Come Sit with Me, we’re giving away FIVE gift bundles!* Just leave a comment on this post telling us which topic resonates with you the most (find the full table of contents here), and you’ll be entered to win a bundle that includes:
- Two copies of Come Sit With Me (one for you and one for a friend)
- A DaySpring Hope & Encouragement Bible
- A Comfort Promises Journal
Whether you’re in the middle of a conflict without resolution or wondering how to enter into a friend’s pain, this book will serve as a gentle guide. Discover how God can work through your disagreements, differences, and discomfort in ways you might never expect. We’re thrilled that this very special book is able to be in your hands; get your copy today.
I am so excited about this book. I love the authenticity and transparency of each of the (In)courage writers. My husband left his place of ministry almost a year ago. We are still waiting for God to move us to our new place of service. In the meantime, we wait, we forgive and we heal. Church hurt cuts deep. Hearing many of your voices of faith through similar circumstances and struggles has helped me release my anger and hurt to the Lord. Through many of your words, God has been teaching me to trust Him even when people disappoint me, circumstances don’t work out the way I think they should, and change doesn’t happen fast enough. Thank you for being faithful in telling your stories even when it is hard.
“But God” indeed!
Connect before you correct.
I am so excited for this book and to share with others. All topics covered I am ready to learn more on but I am interested in delighting in difference. Sometimes when I have a different opinion or different answer you can get upset or when your kids don’t understand and won’t listen. How to delight in different opinions without getting upset is a area I can grow in. Excited to receive my copy and always love the encouragement I get when reading.
Thank you for this opportunity. I think the chapter “When you feel alone in the struggle” would be my pick.
This book looks like just what I need ..my marriage is in an everyday conflict from circumstances that I’m praying we get through ..but sometimes feel it will never end .. I do have hope in Christ it will but need some instruction on getting through ..thank you so much for your ministry I read the incourage email daily and send it out to all my sisters in Christ ..may GOD bless u!! Heather
I too have had to figure out how to walk this path… feeling like a failure… and allowing God to restore my hope… thank you for this…
This sounds like just the book I need. I too argue with my younger daughter over lifestyle choices she is making. I too am embarrassed and blame myself. I too have been on my knees in pain and flabbergasted that this could happen in my family. I love the idea “to connect not correct.” I would love to establish a better relationship with my daughter.
Hi Melody! My name is Melody also and I so identify with your comments. I think we have similar paths. May God clearly guide and help us. Blessings to you, sister ~
Something so obvious – ‘but God’ – yet I never paid attention to it. While my daughter is not Muslim, I can relate to this story for a different reason. Thank you for the chance to win this gift bundle. This topic (though they all look good) resonates the most with me: Chapter 9 – When You Feel Alone in the Struggle.
Thank you for developing this book and for giving us a chance to win. The topic that resonates with me the most is “connect before you correct”. I need to practice this more.
Hoping this book helps me bridge the gap with our son with our cultural and faith differences. I think it will also help my husband and I to read it together to be on the same page when interacting with our son and other relationships that we are struggling with, even our own.
I’m excited to read this! I’m particularly excited to read about honoring our differences and trusting that God is working even in our disappointments. Can’t wait for this!
I could not find the table of contents but there has been many disagreements in my own family over religion with my brother’s girlfriend, who walked away from God after her mother died last year. There were so many fights between them and my parents, causing a rift in the family. I think that this book would give encouragement on how to handle those situations as they arise.
Love ,pray,and hope through all the differences between family and friends. God always finds a way
We ALL need love… trusting God for His outcome is crucial! Sounds like a very interesting book!
Oh my I have been in a season of beating myself up and this whole article resonates with me but so often I say “but God.” He always knows just what I need to “hear” and so often it is through y’all. Praise God for this book and praying it goes well.
This looks amazing, friends. “Connect before you Correct” is prodding me hard today. Thanks for the generous giveaway!!
Our son married a woman of Buddhist faith. She encouraged him to return to his “spiritual roots.” He returned to his Christian roots embracing his faith for 15 years. They divorced, and he left the church. I know he still believes in God, but he has no “body of Christ” surrounding him.
Our daughter married a Jewish man who was raised in the Jewish faith, but rejects that faith. Our daughter says she believes in God but does not believe in the deity of Jesus.
I desire to value our children in their beliefs and unbeliefs. It is painful for my husband and me, yet we love them fiercely.
Praise God for the launching of your new book.
As a newly born again Christian i feel like this book will help me better understand what it is to be a Christian and to learn how to be one and what is expected especially when it comes to certain challenges and how to overcome or better myself within those challanges!
I am so excited about this book! We have strained relationships, within our family. I would love to read and share this book!
We have been struggling with a difficult (toxic) relationship with an extended family member for years. I pray & strive for peace, but it is hard. We find ourselves avoiding contact with him so that we won’t have to stir up all of those harsh, un-Christian-like emotions. This is not the example I want our children & grandchildren to witness about extended family relationships. I would love to read what the authors of this new book have to share about this topic.
“Honor and value others even when you disagree” is the topic that sounds the most interesting to me. I think the entire book sounds good though.
Thank you, Patricia! Your story really touched my heart and reminded me to offer grace, to trust God, and to “accept God’s love on purpose!” The struggle often ushers in hopelessness. The surrender brings grace and love.
LOVE this devotion…. thank you for the encouragement and reminder to love and offer up grace. The Holy Spirit is at work on the hearts of God’s children. Our job is to love God first and others 2nd as ourselves by offering up grace, mercy and love as Christ did to us. We cover others with prayer. Our God is able to do far more than we can think or ask. All to Him for the great ‘things’ He has done, is doing and is too come. We are to ‘sit’ with others and be the hands and feet of Jesus! I would LOVE a copy of this book! Excited to read! God bless you! and thank you for the opportunity
How to carry the weight of rejection or I thought I was over the hurt are the two that captivate my attention.
I would love to have the book. I know there are many others that feel the same. My two oldest children have decided that there is no God. This tears me up inside! They were raised in church and I know that they know different. My son decided this after being in the Army and now suffering with PTSD. My daughter states that she was molested as a child? Won’t say anything other than that and states I know about it! I don’t and don’t know what she is talking about! She won’t tell other than she wishes I had aborted her and never let her live! All I can do is pray for these two children, neither of them want to have productive conversations with me so I pray for them! They state a God wouldn’t let this happen! I just pray! God is good!! Time will tell all.
From Heartbreak to Grace resonates most with me as I look through the Table of Contents of this wonderful and promising book. Having read the actual blog post with that title above, I found myself, in my mind’s eye, right there in the kitchen with the Patricia and her daughter. I am a visual person and my imagination was in full swing reading this grace filled post.
My son, a young pastor for quite a few years, has walked away from his faith in the Lord Jesus and it has shaken my faith and it’s foundations like an earthquake including the tsunami which follows. I am still saying to myself, HOW CAN THIS BE? This is one of my worst nightmares. Having experienced the loss of my middle son in a car accident in his first month of Bible College, I thought the Lord would not ask of me yet another HARD THING. But, He has allowed this heartache upon heartache. I am in the beginning phase of this latest HARD thing with my son’s departure from his faith, so reading Patricia’s post was truly a medicine for my aching heart. I am trying to deal with the most unbearable disappointment, guilt and disbelief. Meanwhile the lady’s ministry at church keeps asking me to speak at Mom’s Bible Studies, and the women’s convention and even asked me to head up the convention this year and I say in my heart, WHY? I should not be speaking to anyone! I am so tempted to say I am a failure, why would you want me to speak knowing where my son is at right now. Why would you want me to speak in a marriage workshop when my husband does’t even come to church anymore. I am baffled in so many ways. I am sorry this got so long. I am done. I am thankful for your ministry here and love to see the way each one of you pours out to your readers. God bless you and please somehow let Patricia know how her blog post and portion in the book blessed my heart and saved me a little bit today from earthly reasonings, and elevated me to God’s wisdom and lovingkindness. Mary Laflamme
This book sounds so encouraging! I appreciate the topic of extending grace by connecting before correcting. I love my 3 children, and my husband is their step dad since we married in 2019. When we first married and even today, the struggle is real for emotional connection with my children. My prayer is that he’ll be more open to connecting more before correcting. As parents we all need God’s amazing grace in our living our children well thru each stage in their lives, especially when change can be hard.
As parents we all need God’s amazing grace in LOVING our children well thru each stage in their lives, especially when change can be hard.
Beautiful testimony even though it can be hard, I’m sure. Thank you for sharing!
To honor & value others when we disagree.
To live & love like Jesus!
To truly receive His Grace …& to truly give His Grace to others {& to myself}.
So Powerful!! So needed.
Thank You. Thank You.
“The loving work of biting your tongue”……definitely where I am as God has zeroed in on when I am frustrated or overwhelmed and speak out of those emotions when I need to be kinder.
I cannot wait to read this book. Read the beginning of the excerpt here and am not only ontrigues, butbrealized how much I need to read this. Thank you.
Such a thoughtful, wise, and well-written devotion. I loved your book I Told the Mountain to Move, and this story today is a great bookend for the struggles in that book. Blessings to you, Patricia!
Your story brought tears to my eyes because it verbalized my own hurt and disappointment. Having a child walk away from God is so painful . . . but God.
The chapters that resonate most for me are The Messy, Beautiful Power of Speaking the Truth in Love and, closely related I believe, The Loving Work of Biting Your Tongue. I am learning to carefully ‘sprinkle’ words of God’s love for us, His provision for us, and his redemption of us, in teachable moments with my young adult daughter. She gave her heart to Jesus as a child, but now doesn’t see how God fits into her life.
The reason this book speaks to my heart, is I desire to share Christ & His gospel message of unconditional, all forgiving Love, Grace, & Mercy wherever God leads me & live in a manner that glorifies God in all circumstances, including those that are difficult!
God’s blessings
Sherry Chatham
Your grateful sister-in-Christ
What an incredible journey. Can’t wait to read and discover.
The crossroads that I experience is that my daughter and son-in-law do not believe in God. The disappointment that my grandson’s haven’t been baptized and will never receive any of the sacraments that are important to me is heartbreaking. The fact that they will never know my God and how much he loves them causes me great concern and much sadness.
This is the perfect season for this release. May it bring healing to broken relationships. God bless.
There are two chapters that will probably hit me the hardest. “Love Your Friends and Let Them Go” and “Keeping An Open Heart after a Friendship Failure.” I struggle with wondering why my friend, whom I loved dearly, pulled away. Although I know that I did nothing wrong, I still hold onto the nagging question of, “Was it me?” I look forward to reading this book and finding peace of mind and heart.
So excited about this!!!
This speaks to me as I struggle to understand and relate to young adults leaving their faith, including my grandchildren. It breaks my heart.
I am always wanting to read, anything that points me to the Hope of the faith I proclaim, Jesus. There are so many ways and words. Encouragement in our walk, staying true to Him, in real life stories is what does just that for me. There are few Corrie ten Booms, but her message is resonated in many of the Incourage stories. Thank you
this post, about a mother needing to offer grace to herself and her child, spoke so directly to me. Thank you.
What a wonderful giveaway!! Would absolutely love this book & one to share with my sister ❤️
What a much needed book! There is so much that divides us these days, so to have another way to hear the stories and perspectives that might help to bridge us is so beautiful! Excited for this!!
Wow what an incredible journey of grace. Thank you for sharing so openly.
live and love like Jesus by serving others. As a hospice volunteer, I serve others during their end-of-life journeys. It’s very difficult to do but I serve both the patients and their families. I give of myself unconditionally. Often times I will share songs of faith with them to keep them comforted during their difficult moments. by serving others I realized that I am living and loving them like Jesus would. There are no words to describe how important the job I do enables others to feel comforted in their last moments of life.
Thank you I needed that. Just live one day at a time trusting in God and his grace. Life is not worth getting upset about the small things, but trust turn it on to God and He will take care of it.
I’m a 70 year old woman who has been touched by two words…. To the point of even considering, for several years now, of getting those two words tattooed on my arm (very small!) EXTEND GRACE!
The topic for me is disagreements. Friends get so upset some times when you don’t agree with them! We all have our opinions and that’s ok!
If I were to win this giveaway, I know God would place on my heart who he knows needs the book and to hear “but God”.
· trust that God is working even when people disappoint you
That’s the one for me! The past three years have been full of disappointments, but I stand on the promise that “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
ALL THINGS! That includes the disappointing, unfair, and heartbreaking times. I know that it will all come together for God’s Glory, but it is hard. Congratulations on the book’s launch!
Hi Patricia
Thank you so much for your transparency as you have shared. I know this will resonate and give hope to many mums . You have surely understood the grace God extends to us….and dare we not extend it to others. I am moved to tears as I see you have overcome with Him by your side & letting Him have His way in you. Tough ..But God ! And you see your daughter now through His eyes ..eyes of deep love & grace. Thank you ❤ sarla williams, Sri Lanka
Trusting God is working when others disappoint, and serving others – we can never learn enough. Looking forward to so much wisdom in this book!
I started a new job after years working from Home so the one feeling alone really resonates. I think this will make a good book club read too!
Looking forward to reading this book. What a God timing this book is. My daughter and I see things so differently about church/God. The chapters that spoke to me was How to carry the weight of rejection and Exchanging envy for Celebration. I so get envy when I see other families in church. I truly have to believe God is an on time God. His timing is perfect. Nothing I will say will change my daughter’s outlook on God but God can in His perfect timing.
Speaking truth in love, longing to be loved, I thought I was over the hurt.
I hope this book gets in the hands of every Christian woman, it is a reminder that we all need everyday! But God. I look forward to reading this and gleaning on the experiences of the writers and continuing on my journey of loving despite and always remembering… But God.
It is a very difficult place to be and be in disagreement. The work effort to maintain humility and grace when I find myself culminating all the ought to’s and should be’s for me and others. If anything I’m challenged to wrestle the way others wrestle with me, showing understanding and becoming them to see what I need in a Savior, and find Him become that for me. Thank you for reminding in your own way of the path I’m on in each relationship I’m in. Because if anything, I’m not in alignment with God’s thoughts and ways as much as I’d like to think, “I know I am.”
The topic about honoring and valuing others even when we disagree appeal to me.
I was very encouraged by this article as I have had a hard time connecting with friends over “differences” in politics and religion these past couple of years. This gives me hope! ❤️
Keeping an open heart after a friendship failure is one that really resonates with me amongst many others. I may actually buy this one! I am very frugal.:) I have referenced on here multiple times how I seem to have lost a very dear friend this summer. There are a lot of circumstances but I have mentioned it only to a very few who I trust. He has helped me move, helped me move more boxes at another time, and most recently gave a birthday gift, which is very normal, but hadn’t happened yet. Another friend mentioned that I should also offer my friendship despite being hurt. So that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve rejoined in some activities after feeling so overwhelmed during the past two months. It’s very hard for me to stay open because there have been a lot of hurts up to now from other relationships.
What a timely book! I am very interested in growing in these areas…learning to love well and press into uncomfortable situations to value others in the midst of differences and conflict. Could definitely benefit personally as well as learn in order to lead our own children and youth group in this. Thank you for sharing!
Struggling in so many ways right now. While all of the topics seem on point for me, I feel that trusting God is working even when people disappoint me is probably the biggest one for me at the moment. Trying to remember that I am where I’m supposed to be right now and I need to trust that God is working things out behind the scenes.
Trust that God is working (really struggling right now so this is the area I think I am relating to the most)
Thanks for your post, would love to read this book! The topic of “live and love like Jesus by serving others” resonates most with me.
I am going through some what of a similar thing with my daughter in law. She claims to be a good witch. I am struggling with this as well as she is the mother of my youngest grand daughter. My son didn’t even know this about her until after they were married. Thank you for sharing this.
Looking forward to reading this book.
Especially hoping to learn how to connect before I correct!
All of the topics seem just right. Trusting God when people disappoint and connect before correct May be the best right now for me. When you have family that have turned so far away, it is heartbreaking and hard to find a balanced relationship. It’s like everything you once knew about them is gone and you no longer recognize the person.
Gosh, what a timely topic! Just read a sample of this book on kindle. And I am already thinking about sharing this book with friends. The chapter that interest me is “I Thought I Was Over the Hurt”.
Thank you for the opportunity to win this book.
Connection is what i love most. When we truely connect, we are able to see God in others.
This book has my interest. The concepts of connect before you correct and delight in differences are areas I can improve in. However, the chapter on I thought I was over the hurt is the one I most need.
This encouraged me to not think of difficult situations as things to endure or persevere but to extend and receive grace. What a difference one word makes to change our perspective. It’s a reminder that God is near and he cares about our relationship with others.
Patricia Raybon’s words are so encouraging to me! Our daughter also grew up in a Christian home, went to church camp in the summers, went to Acquire the Fire and came back on fire for the Lord. But now we are at odds because she has chosen to walk away from Christ. I can’t help but wonder where that girl is who was on fire for the Lord. Even though our relationship is strained at times, I have to remind myself that nothing is impossible with God! And I also cannot expect her to act like a Christian when she isn’t a Christian.
When I looked at the Table of Contents for the book, the subject of “Love your friends and let them go” really jumped out at me. I’ve been clinging to a broken friendship for far too long and know I need to just love them and give them to God, no matter how hard it is. I would love to read this book!
Can’t wait to get my copy, ordered last week, should arrive this week✝️
As a mother I have such a deep love for my children as the writers with in courage does as well. My two sons’ both married strong Christian women. They have their struggles but are on the same page as the rest of us. My sweet youngest & only daughter married a man who is not a believer. He is a wonderful man & does go to church with Stephanie but as yet has not made a promise to the Lord to believe. We honor him that he doesn’t do it just for us but takes it seriously. He was raised in a Jain religion but doesn’t practice it any longer. We share our faith thru love for him & accept him as he is. Like I said he’s a wonderful man & treats our daughter so precious. He’s wonderful to us as well.
Thank you for your devotionals. I love reading them & pass them on to friends & family.
Lord bless you,
Barbara
I’m so interested in reading to learn how to- trust that God is working even when people disappoint you. It’s so difficult to let go especially when your child goes a different path. I need the encouragement and tools in how to leave it at Gods throne and still love and accept.
God has been talking to me about extending grace and accepting people right where they are for several years. Jesus did not pass judgment and neither should I. God continues to encourage me to extend grace, most recently in a sermon series Love the City, and right on its heels, this book. So timely, and so necessary!
This is the most beautiful story of God’s grace. I want to read more.
Lord knows I need this book!!! I’m in a very lonely phase of faith, and I need the Lord to restore me!
I’ve had a son walk away from God for a number of years. But God. He has told me that my consistency in my faith regardless of where he was in his is something he admires. I also have a mom who claims Jesus and her gay marriage in the same breath. Until I learned to give her grace and see her through God’s eyes, it was years of hurt, strain and stress on our relationship. She hasn’t changed. God changed me. I look forward to reading this book to see how others have walked through relationships loving them like Jesus and letting go of my expectations for them. People are messy and therefore often our relationships are too. All of topics look interesting, not just the ones I’ve walked through. I’m curious about Exchanging Envy for Celebration because that is hard when it’s a friend that I find myself comparing to her life vs my life. Looking forward to watch God will teach me through other people’s experiences. Definitely have some friends I will share this book with, too!
I’ve been struggling with self loathing and blaming myself for not accomplishing more in my personal life and career by now. I feel like I’m always behind, not doing enough, or like I’m too late. Which definitely accumulate to feelings of failure.
Honor and value others even when you disagree.
Trust that God is working!!!
I couldn’t find the table of contents when I went looking for it. I recognize a couple faces in the group picture and I look forward to reading Robin and Kathy’s chapters.
I can sympathize with Patricia’s story having a son who walked away from the Lord. Heartbreaking for sure.
Difficult family relationships around transgender issues. She wasn’t raised this way & I deeply want to influence her for God, but don’t know how with love & not judgement. Thank you for the opportunity to win this bundle!
I’m dealing with several family members, including my husband and sons, who have walked away and totally rejected God. It’s overwhelming and heartbreaking, but I don’t argue with them anymore. When they begin talking about it, I stay quiet and I just pray for them. I ask God to take the blinders off, and open their hearts and minds to the truth of His mercy and grace. Thank you for sharing your struggle with your daughter, and I will pray for you and her as well!
Honoring your parents when you disagree! (I’m afraid I did not write down the chapter title, but that was the gist of it.
I also literally *just* read 1 Corinthians 5, the last bit of which I find very uncomfortable, and am curious about how some of this would interact with some of that (obviously not Patricia’s situation, since her daughter isn’t claiming to be Christian, though!):
9 I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10 not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. 11 But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister[c] but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.
12 What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? 13 God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”[d]
This book is so needed….right now.. at this time.. I am in a season of relearning how to have relationships with people that once hurt me very deeply. Being kind and extending grace as I walk in healing, is a daily challenge. I am so thankful that God never leaves me, when I am in the middle of my dirty, messy, hard days, He is there.. with me. Even Still. I want to walk in that same love, kindness and grace toward others..especially the ones I think do not deserve that from me.
This devotion really resonated with me today. I’m not sure what topic it fits under, possibly more than one. Two teens in our family expressing sexuality issues one of them being gender issues. I feel this would be helpful.
I thought I was over the hurt really jumps out at me.
I’ve been walking through a time of grief and I am very interested in the heartbreak thoughts.
I am interested in the topic of connection. Navigating friendships with differences.
WOW! Today’s post was beyond meaningful for me, and has me thinking about Grace in a whole new light. It certainly sent me off to the link to grab this book!! Thank you for sharing your journey and insights. I will be applying this particular chapter and topic to a difficulty I currently face in my own life.
Thank you so very much for the chance to win one of the bundles. The topic that resonated with me the most is, “what if pain is the stage for miracles and when you feel alone in the struggle”. Those hit me hard. Looking through the topics, they are all needed. Thanks again.
I am a retired teacher, and especially with the holidays approaching, I’m hurting……….hurting because our two daughters will NOT agree to a family meal or get-together. Our older daughter has apologized once, and the younger one just keeps perpetuating her hurts.
So, the
I would love some help with my very complex and frustrating relationship with my Mom!!
HONOR AND VALUE OTHERS, EVEN WHEN YOU DISAGREE
I am a retired teacher, and especially with the holidays approaching, I’m hurting……….hurting because our two daughters will NOT agree to a family meal or get-together. Our older daughter has apologized once, and the younger one just keeps perpetuating her hurts. I pray about this daily, and often lie awake at night trying to think of ways to approach each of them and remedy this once and for all. They were great friends as younger versions of themselves, even though each has a very different personality.
Each of them has a strong faith and I know that they pray regularly.
So, the section entitled “Honor and value others, even when you disagree,” would especially enlightening for all of us. My older daughter and her children have all sat at our table and cried over this separation. And, since we are now in our 80’s, i truly want this disagreement to end and for both girls to let go of the past hurts and move on. That is our greatest wish, before we leave this earth.
When you feel alone in the struggle! That’s it for me.
The family member converting to Islam really resonates, as I had several close cousins do so while we were in college. Hailing from a family of ministers and pastors, including their father, this was and remains a slippery slope. Yet God has remained faithful in one returning to Christianity and the other three slowing yielding to the loving conviction of the Holy Spirit.
What a perfect read for todays culture. Looking forward to this read!!! Much needed and so thankful for you sharing your story.
Giving grace to others who differ from me – so resonates with me. kInda sounds like Jesus?
I love the language of “DELIGHT in your differences” instead of what is often said, work through or get over or ignore your differences.
Patricia hello. I have missed your writtings on incourage. I am still keeping you in prayer for your Daughter and her family. Like my family on my late Mum’s side of the family. I have a cousin he is alot older than me. He is an atheist. I put that down to his parents who never sent him to Sunday School or any of there other Kids. Yet there Mum my Mum’s sister and the whole family was sent to Church and Sunday school. Because they were saved my Grandparents when alive. But you know what God showed me one time. You know you can I don’t really know how to put this. But you can have as child parents who live good examples in front of you as God would want them to live. You sent to Church and Sunday school every week. Even if you don’t want to go. Unless as child you are sick. You can grow up thinking I had enough of Church and all that goes with it. I done it as my parents made me when growing up some of them say. Then they just get confirmed at that age to get out of having to go Sunday School anymore. My late Mum’s sister could have had enough when she got married of Church and as child going to Sunday School. That she and her Husband said we will let the kids decide if they want to go for themselves. Not be as kids say preaching the Gospel at them. God said even though your Mum and Dad sent you Sunday it didn’t put you of. Some kids it does. As they have enough of it. They when get old enough don’t believe. Then die away from the Church. When get big and leave home. My Mum and Dad were never belivers but they sent me and my sister’s. My Dad knows I am saved. But still does not believe. God said all you can do for you family and your sisters is just live you life for Jesus in front of them. As I know with my Mum’s sister she would have had enough of the Bible and Church as child put on her that is why she didn’t send her kids to Church or Sunday School when small. They have no insreast in going now big nor did they ever send their kids. They just live their lives one day at time. I can see why kids go of wanting anything to do with God and Church. As had so much of it when growing up as were made for by their parents go every week. They like I said you before like your Daughter like my Husband cousin she bring her Kids up Muslim as she married one. My Husband cousin was brought up in a lovely Christian home. She turned her back on it. So we have to very careful with kids that we don’t put of by when they are growing up making them go Church and Sunday School every week and bring to much of the Bible into their lives. It can put them of even believing. Plus if they did believe like my Husband Cousin and you Daughter. They can meet someone who has different religion. They fall in love with that person. They see a new way and new faith. They say well I had enough of that faith I was brought up in. I going to let and kids we have be brought up in the Husband faith. They like your Daughter may change to become the same faith as there Husband too. So in all this we have to be careful not to put our families of. Like one of my sister’s was in town on Football weekend with her kids years ago. As one was playing in the football weekend. My sister said all she could see was things on the wall saying Jesus saves. Jesus love you and Bible verses etc. Especially at the football ground. My sister said they just put me clean of as it was as if they were pushing it at you. If I want to get saved or believe I will without people doing it in my face my sister said. If you know what I mean. I said to myself I can see were my sister was coming from and my Mum’s sister why she didn’t send her kids to Church or Sunday School. Like your Daughter Patricia she like my Husband cousin. They just could have had enough. Decided I am Adult I believe what I want now. But it sad they are believing not in the God who made this world and sent his son to die for them because he love them. It breaks your heart as mother to see this. Like it does with my Husband cousin. And her sisters too they are sad she bring the kids up Muslim. They go to a Muslim private school too. All we can do thrm even my sister’s my Dad and your Daughter plus my Husbands Cousin is pray for them. They they will come back to faith they once believed in. The true faith of Jesus. I will keep praying for you Daughter like my family and my Husband cousin plus her family and my Mum’s sister and her family. I believe they will get saved all of them one day. In God’s perfect timmimg. I just live my life for Jesus in front of my family. I don’t preach to the. But I do now and then especially my Dad tell him I love him and am praying for him. Leave it at that as if I said to much to my family and my Dad. I get enough enough can you keep all your beliefs to yourself. If went on and on the get cross with me. I push them further away. Good to hear from you again. In my prayers Love and big hugs Dawn xx
This book looks amazing! I have some non-believer friends and family (as I’m sure most of us do) and I find myself not always knowing when to speak up and when to hold my tongue. So I suppose the chapter I’m looking forward to reading most would be “The loving work of biting your tongue”. Looking forward to reading this!
Connect before you correct. Such an important and grace-filled concept.
Please enter me in the giveaway. I’m not sure what the topics are as I can’t find the table of contents in the link. I am hoping it contains how to get along with friends who have a different view on vaccines.
Connect before you correct! Such. Powerful thing to think about in all our relationships… I need this! I want to the the friend, mom, wife, woman who is approachable and who my people feel like they can truly in reservedly connect with.
Even when you forget that God is there He reminds you that he is always there for you.
My 15 year old daughter who is at a Catholic Private High School experiencing and building her relationship with God came to me this past week to share she is not feeling a connection, not sure of her beliefs, not sure she is understanding why she is in a place/relationship with Jesus. I was speechless, and paralyzed, not sure what the right thing to say. We spoke more on the situation where this was brought up for her and I listened and allowed her to claim her feelings, her uncertainty, her place in this moment. I shared to allow herself to keep feeling, praying and see where she is led ro help her understand more. At first I was scared and wasn’t sure what the “right” thing to say… I felt God in that moment leading me and helping guide me with trust, patience and prayer. I can only imagine that initial moment when this mother heard those words from her daughter, how that must have felt. I admire this mother’s growth, trust in God and love.
The title of this book is inspiring me to have a book club again. What a great title for a book and book club!
I would like to learn more about connecting before correcting. To model how Jesus connected with others.
I am most curious to learn more about trusting that God is working even when people disappoint me. It’s hard to be in positions that people constantly attack your emotions, but God has a plan even when I don’t see it. I’m hoping to grow with this book.
I would say chapter 5. When forgiveness is exhausting.
This book sounds amazing! I have a prodigal so I want to be encouraged by this book.
I like the topic about honoring and valuing others even when you disagree. I think our world could really benefit from more of us striving to do that.
When forgiveness is exhausting!
Wow, as I read the excerpt my heart was overcome with uneasiness as I have found myself in similar situations in that we raise our children and teach them the best we can. But they grow up and they will make their own decisions. Yet because of what I saw others in my family do when not in agreement, I prayed to God in that I would love my sons no matter what they decided for their own paths in this journey. One cannot do this on our own because we need God in the midst of our differences. God loves us despite of our imperfections, so who are we to stop loving our children when they make their own journeys? Nothing happens out of nowhere and God does use it all in our favor. Plus our children need to have their own experiences in finding Him in their journeys.
“Honor and value others even when you disagree.” This topic speaks to because it’s so rare to see today.
Trusting that God is working even when people disappoint you; been through this lately, and struggling to feel okay with it. I love to get a pack to share with a friend-already know who I would give it to!
This book hits my heart heavy when I look at all the chapters and topics that will be covered and more beautifully, from the eyes and heart of 26 different perspectives. Several of these chapters hit close to home, but the one that I look forward to diving into the most is Chapter 22 – Learning to Disagree while still honoring my parents. Being raised by a single mother who is very one sided and easily influenced by outsiders (not that I knew this as child) and super critical of me has been very hard. She hated my father for the pain and embarrassment he caused and she never shared the what it was until I was in my 30’s. Fast Forward another 20 yrs and as I care for her now, I struggle on how to spend so much time with her and not be affected by the negativity while trying to honor her. I can’t wait to get my copy.
Although I haven’t gotten this far in the book I am looking forward to chapter 7: Staying friends when you share more differences than similarities and chapter 17: How to carry the weight of rejection. This book is an answer to prayer for me as U have been asking God to teach me more about grace and living in it on a daily basis.
All of it! So good.
The topics of loving one another, respecting and honoring one another in the midst of difficult differences mean the most to me. Over the last few years as social and political issues have brought about family and friend struggles and divisions I continue to pray for healing and restoration, even when we don’t agree. I would love to receive a book for me and a book for a friend ♥️
Relationships
This has restored my hope in God and in my life and ability to cope with people who are just plain mean. God and prayer are my only hope. This book and site renews my hope that I can do this. Thank you so much, and God Bless you!
I never really thought about giving myself grace…. I try to extend grace to others… it never dawned on me to extend it to myself.
thank you
I love this! It’s easy to encourage when it aligns with our beliefs, but that’s not always the way it works!
That is true- Jessica. That is surely when we feel the love – even though
perhaps in disagreement- but the love each of us have prevails – because
we are accepted. Thanks for sharing. Martha
Wow, what an incredible cloud of witnesses who have gathered to share their voices and stories about timely and relevant topics! It’s hard to choose one topic that most resonates with me – but after the past few years and heading into another election cycle, I have to admit that Michelle Ami Reyes’ chapter on Setting Seats at the Table for my Political Opponents is most intriguing.
I am so blessed by In-Courage. Each devotion speaks to my heart. It always (a little bit) surprises me with
awesome joy/and comfort when each day there is another devotion and always speaks what is happening that week
or day in my life. Grief/comfort/encouragement are three of my issues. I am a cancer patient/doing well though and also in a wheelchair from rheumatoid arthritis’ – has taught me a little bit of patience/ I hope. I know in the 90’s when I was a hospital chaplain in Atlanta, Ga. I tried to be there for patients with prayer, encouragement, and sitting with them during their toughest moments. However, I did not know until I was very ill myself how encouragement and someone praying for me really felt. So with In-courage, I feel the same way, each of you are there rooting and praying for each of us. This is priceless. And we are getting to be in the In-Courage family. Your anointing/writing/and caring remembers me of the Holy Spirit being a paraclete-‘alongside’ us dwelling in our own spirit. Thank you for being here for each of us. Deuteronomy 31: 8 “The Lord God goes before us and prepares the way.” Love, Martha Smith
see above my comments- typo- should be
‘reminds me’…. not ‘remembers me’- but that works as well. Did not catch the typo. Thanks for “listening” Martha Smith
Patricia, this devotion brought tears to my eyes. I’m slowly learning to remember the hope of the “But God” part as I struggle with a situation with my daughter. Thank you for your reminder. I tried to access the table of contents for the book, but was unsuccessful. I think many of the chapters would reach my heart.
Oh man I need this!!!
What a timely book in a time of deep division. We will be known by our love, not our arguing and correcting.
I’m continually amazed at God’s goodness and how differences don’t have to separate us. The truths from the Bible are still relevant today. Thank you for this excerpt.
Connecting before correction …two or more strands are better and stronger than one . Even when each strand is different from each other ! Unique even !
This book looks fantastic! So needed. “Tenderness is the only way Forward”. Love that. I am dealing with an atheist son. And having gentle conversations with my niece… who has chosen a trans life. I pray for the right words.
As a military spouse, the topic that resonates most with me is Love Your Friends and Let Them Go. With various military moves, people have come and gone in our lives.
I like the topic about honoring and valuing others even when you disagree, I couldn’t find the table of contents, but reading what others have listed makes me really want to read this book. I think as some of us agewe tend to have a greater difficulty in looking for another perspective and I believe this will help me to practice that. Would love to win, always enjoy what you produce! Love the podcast
Lots of good here. I’m in this moment right now with a family member!! Connecting before correction and honoring and valuing others are both speaking to me.
Looking forward to reading this book! But God!!! Today connect before you correct jumps out at me, but I’m sure I’ll relate to many chapters.
I would love the opportunity to read this book. I have been struggling with a friend, a friendship of over 16 years and I just don’t know what to do.
The topic I am most interested in hearing about in your new book is How to honor and value others even when you
disagree. I would love to hear insights on that!
I came to sign up for the giveway & now I am sharing this article with my Mom. My older sister converted to Islam when she left for college. Our journey as a family has been very similar. I am always in awe of God & how He continously reminds me that my family & I are never alone. This was an amazing article! Excited for this book read!
So fitting for this world today!!
Honoring & valuing others is the topic that resonates with me the moment. Struggling in this area.
This book-Timely for the world and me. My husband and I are on opposite political sides and it can be difficult. I hope reading this book gives me insight or relief or hope or all three.
But God! I have been struggling with my daughter’s choices and mental health challenges for more than six years. I have begged God to help her, and heal her. I would love to read more about how God is at work even when loved ones are making disappointing choices. And how to navigate relationships and out grace first.
My son didn’t become Muslim, but he did come out as gay. I can relate to this mom’s urge to want to fistfight until the wayward child fell back into the right line. Thanks for giving me a new perspective, and pointing out that the fight belongs to God, not me.
The topic that resonates with me is “trust that God is working even when people disappoint you” because this points me back to our Father and not my feelings. Thank you for such a wonderful book!!
Being in relationships with other people is hard.
I want to get frustrated and angry with people for not doing things My way but God says show them grace and that my way is sometimes selfish and that getting angry and frustrated is a little childish.
Also and I have to add that my little brother has informed me that he is Muslim.
All of the topics are great. To choose one: Trust that God is working even when people disappoint you. God bless you.
Belonged to a wonderful Bible group and served them lunch weekly for years. I got COVID Pneumonia in January..never fearful but hospitalized with oxygen at 82%, could not text or talk. Lost all my hair with side effects called Telegen Efflumiun and that was shocking. This was more difficult than the COVID! I had so many responsibilities with 2 aging parents and grandchildren.. and now no hair.
I have forgiven the women that were so close in my Bible group.. none have come to see me… 11 months later. I don’t know why.. maybe they felt I did not stand strong enough in my faith and got so sick.
So I pray for restoration, compassion, and connection.
Blessings
The book has many encouraging topics, it’s hard to choose just one. I
feel the chaper on trust that God is working even when people disappoint you would help in many relationships. Thank you for sharing your story and working it out with your daughter.
“Loving work of biting your tongue” would be the chapter I need to read and study, I try but it’s hard sometimes.
Connect before you correct
All of the chapters meet me in certain struggles! I definitely need to read the one about y forgiveness!
Grace. What a beautiful example of Gods grace and His immeasurable love extending in the hard difficulties.
This looks like a book with many great topics. I love the concept of “But God”. One that resonates with me is… trust that God is working even when people disappoint you
Oh my goodness. A struggle I am having myself about “you did not do a good enough job as a Christian…” “You’re not doing enough…” But God. Yes I need to add this to my reading list.
I awoke this morning thinking of someone who I wish to connect with on a deeper level in spite of our differences. This e-mail was there and it seems like a Godsend for my situation. I am so excited for your book and what God will bring through it. Thank you!
Excited and ready to get hands on this book! I need encouragement and stories from the incourage ladies! Thanks for chance to win!!
Wow. Thank you for sharing. It puts things into perspective for sure.
I am excited for this book. I think the chapter that will resonate with me the most will be Forgiving even when it is Exhausting. I have a lot of childhood things that I still need to let go of. It can be exhausting to forgive the past because you tend to bring stuff up in your thoughts that can be emotionally taxing.
The religious differences resonate with me. My daughter is 22 and struggling with her testimony. I have argued and tried to enforce house rules. The truth is. She is an adult and making her own choices. I rely on God to be ever present and help me to build opportunities for her to grow. She wants to study witchcraft and “the Goddess”. I’m praying for help and patience to do what Jesus would have me do.
Wow, this book looks amazing and like something I really need. The chapter that resonates with me the most is “What if pain is a stage for miracles.”
Thank you for the this opportunity. And God bless you for the way you share and encourage us!
I would love to learn to be able to work through differences. Instead of skipping the conversation or going on and no resolution. Sometimes that is the easier way. But i don’t want easy anymore. I want fixed relationships.
Cannot wait to read this book! Learning to sit with others and just listen that are different than who we are is one of the most difficult things to do.
Walking away from Jesus. As my married son with a 2 year old announced at a BD party this summer that his own wife had become his spirit guide.
I definitely need to read this book and pray about it more than I worry about it. I know it is all in God’s hands
I struggle daily with conflict with some of our children. Our family is a blended one. We don’t agree on some of their decisions but I am a more loving trying to understand woman, my husband is more of a trying to control. It’s a daily battle for me. I pray a lot. I’ve learned to let go and let God. It’s my only sanity saver ❤️
I am so glad i get a chance to read this! I’m particularly excited to read about honoring our differences and trusting that God is working even in our disappointments. There have been so many disappointments and differences in the past couple of years. Thank you for giving us a chance to win this bundle.
Connect before you correct. I think that’s the biggest one I need. I need to learn about someone before I can correct them.
Good morning!
“Connect before you correct” resonates with me soooo hard. My mouth is opening and spouting words of correction and what you’re supposed to do and what not to do BEFORE my child has completed her sentence! I’m assuming I already know what she is going to say and assuming that she will not handle any of it the way I would. I need to keep my mouth shut and listen. I need to trust that I’ve raised her right. I need to trust that God is taking care of it. I need to let my precious girl share her heart WITHOUT me interrupting. Thank you ladies for your daily encouragement.
Two areas that are hard when dealing with friends who disagree and especially hard is living with a husband of Catholic faith. He sees GOD as a punishing GOD ready to send one to Hell while I know my LORD JESUS as faithful and loving.
Looking at all that is offered in this book, I know it would significantly impact my life. When dealing with conflict, I simply withdraw and I know there is so many better ways…
Living with disagreement
The topics that resonate with me the most are:
3. What if Pain is the Stage for Miracles
9. When you feel alone in the Struggle
20. I thought I was Over the Hurt
I can relate so much to these because of my own pain struggles and rejections
I feel being a daughter and child of Christ each topic is important. How could I pick one, when my spirit cries out for all of them. Really excited for this study!
As I look at the chapters for this book there are so many that I am eager to read! But the one that stands out is probably not running from someone’s hard place!
This book is so needed today. I am so {in} couraged that you all have stepped into the tension & the messy conversations to help us navigate them! ❤️
I see this book being an incredible resource!
When you feel alone in the struggle! Most definitely for me!
This sounds amazing. “Connect before you Correct” is being highlighted in my spirit today. What an amazing study and tool to help love the people in front of us well.
I was not able to find the table of contents but I read through some of the comments and felt right at home. My two daughters were raised in the church “every time the doors were open” as I was as a preacher’s daughter. They have both forsaken their roots and have not attended church since they left home. I do all I can to make sure my grandson is in church on Sunday and Wednesday so am thankful she allows him to go. I too feel like a failure in raising my daughters to be Christian adults. I didn’t and don’t have help from my husband making things even harder. I would love to read this book to hopefully help me find answers to my years long cries for help from God over my marriage and adult children. Thank you for all you do!
What if pain is the stage for miracles is the topic that most resonates with me glancing through the table of contents. There are so many things I struggle with but when you can’t fix it or even know what to do to help anymore, I feel so useless. I have a quote above my computer screen at work from Lisa Harper “The sweetest miracles often grow in the hardest soil.” Some days I feel that and some days it feels hopeless. I can’t wait to dive into this new book and share with all my ladies at church. Thank you all for writing from such a hard place to give us all the beauty.
I want to know more how to delight in our differences.
Patricia,
God bless you for taking the high road & extending grace. Sometimes you have to look past the differences & just love the person like Jesus would. This is a much needed book right now. There is so much disunity in our country & world. The biggest problem is that we don’t take the time to really know & understand the other person. We should come sit with & hear them out. Find out why they believe or act as they do.
Blessings 🙂
Getting this book for myself and someone else would be such a blessing. Life is hard and you ladies help. My boyfriend believes in GOD but not a Christian so this is difficult and life daily struggles.
I would love to read this book! The Amazon link doesn’t actually let you see the table of contents (at least not that I can find), but I love the line about honoring and valuing others even when you disagree. Thanks for the chance to win!
Hi:
I received a email saying I won, but I do not know where to send my information. Can you help me?