I have an app on my phone that gives me the illusion I’m running a tight ship. It’s called “Find My Friends.” But really, it should be called “Find My Control Issues.”
Thanks to this handy little dot-tracking miracle inside of my phone, I can see where my daughters are at any given moment. (Please don’t tell them I can still track them. They’re in their early 20s now, and I’m trying to be chill.)
Lydia recently finished her master’s at Cambridge in England, and I loved watching her dot cruise alongside cobblestone streets, like something out of a storybook.
And Anna is about to move to Indonesia to serve full-time in ministry, which means her dot will soon be floating on the other side of the world.
You’d think I’d be obsessively monitoring their global whereabouts. But oddly enough, I checked that app waaaay more when they were teenagers – especially during winter mornings while they drove to school. I’d refresh the screen frantically, trying to make sure our daughters made it safely.
If the dots froze on the screen?
Clearly, they were in a ditch.
And if the dots moved too fast?
Probably an ambulance.
One day, I told a friend how “responsible” I was, with all my dot-watching. She didn’t miss a beat: “Wow,” she said dryly. “It’s incredible how your obsessive tracking prevented all those accidents.”
Touché.
That’s when it hit me: Sometimes my so-called “care” is really just control dressed up as concern. I had confused vigilance with virtue, anxiety with love. And in trying to play God, I was missing the peace He actually promises.
Hi. My name is Jennifer, and I’m a recovering control freak.
Over the years, my control freakery has affected my parenting, for sure. But truthfully? I have actually wanted to run the show in nearly every other area of life, too.
For a long time, I lived like God was a helpful assistant instead of the actual boss of my life.
I wanted His help – but only if He stayed in His lane. If I truly let Him lead, I was afraid of what would happen.
I’d hand over my marriage … sort of.
My kids? Okay, but only if You promise nothing bad will happen, God.
My finances? I mean, I’d like to trust You, but the electric bill is due Tuesday.
Letting God lead felt so risky, so out-of-my-hands.
But maybe the greatest freedom begins when we admit we were never meant to be in charge in the first place.
I looked at the way John the Baptist responded when people asked who he was. His answer? “I am not the Christ” (John 1:20 ESV). Just like that, John drew an important boundary between who he was, and who he wasn’t.
I didn’t cross-check the Greek or anything, but I’m pretty sure God isn’t taking applications for His position.
Repeat after me: “I am not the Christ.”
We can stop trying to run the world and instead remember that we are not the Savior, not the Solution, not the CEO.
We are beloved followers of the One who doesn’t need to refresh a phone screen to see where His children are.
When we stop trying to be Jesus, the astonishing result is that we actually become more like Him. We hear the Father more clearly. We see the paths before us. We become more like Jesus, not by trying harder, but by trusting deeper.
Today, if you’re tempted to track everyone and fix everything, take a deep breath and say it one more time:
“I am not the Christ.”
And then?
Rest in the beautiful news that you don’t have to be.
I had to chuckle. Recovering control freak. Yup. But there is still an area that I cannot seem to totally give up control- I need to do the driving. I’m 71. When I’m out with friends, I drive. It is a holdout from my younger days. Maybe someday I’ll feel ok turning over the responsibility when we go out on our “play dates”.
Oh Madeline. Your comment had me smile. I remember when I was doing some research for my book, “It’s All Under Control,” I came upon some fascinating research that found that people believe they are less likely to get in a car accident if they are in high- control situations, such as when they are driving. They feel more vulnerable in low-control situations, such as when they are sitting in the passenger seat.
So you’re not alone! 🙂
Also, you sound like a lot of fun. Love the “play dates.” 🙂
Thank you for this. I felt like you were telling my story! It’s nice to know I’m not alone. I still have some work to do.
So common, Dana-Lyn. Most of us have been there. I love John the Baptist’s reminder that “I am not the Christ.”
Thank you so much Jennifer, this is exactly what I needed to hear(actually over and over and over again). This message came at a poignant time (again) in my life. I was recently challenged by a love one (difficult for both of us) but necessary. So much peace comes with letting Jesus take the wheel. Not sure why I think I need to keep grabbing it and takes me so long, once again, to release it. Eesh. So nice to hear I am not alone in this journey.
Blessings love and gratitude,
Nicole
Totally get it!
Wanting control is an inborn trait that’s hard to shake. When we began to follow Jesus, we relinquished that control. But we constantly try to steal it back because we think we’ll be safer if we’re in control. Which is wild, but it’s our human nature. Needing to let Jesus take the wheel is definitely a day-by-day thing — at least it is for me.
As a fellow control junkie, this is such a helpful reminder! I’m going to make sure to use “I am not the Christ”, along with another one I’ve been trying to use more often “I release (whoever is irritating me at the moment lol) from my judgment”. Thank you so much Jennifer!
Cheyla,
I had to chuckle at your comment. I might need to borrow your quote. 🙂
Always grateful for your honesty and wisdom, Jennifer! My inner control freak needed to hear this.
So glad this spoke to you, friend. Have a wonderful week. 🙂
Guess what I had done just before I started reading this devotional? I had checked Find My Friend to see if my daughter made it back to college safely 🙂 Thanks, Jennifer, for this timely message on control issues I really needed to hear!
God’s timing, eh? 🙂
Blessings to you as your daughter adjusts back to college life, and as you readjust to her being away again.
Yes and Amen my friend! Thank you for this! “We become more like Jesus, not by trying harder, but by trusting deeper.” I am letting that sink in today…”trusting deeper”.
Jennifer,
Thank you for sharing. I can certainly relate!
Sending you end-of-summer JOY,
Lisa
AMEN!
A MUCH needed reminder!
Loved this! (And needed to hear it!)