It was the last of my money. Coins, might I add.

I was six months pregnant and working in a bakery. One of the best dessert bakeries in Charlotte, North Carolina. I took custom cake and cookie orders. I slugged twenty-five-pound bags of granulated sugar over my shoulders and carried them from the basement to the kitchen. I stocked the bakery display with sprinkled sugar cookies, apple fritters, cream horns, guava pastelitos, and six-inch cakes with diplomat cream and strawberry filling.

Have I tickled your taste buds, yet?

At the end of each shift, I’d count my tip money and stuff it away. In time, these collected quarters and stray pennies would end up supplementing my grocery bill. Not many people knew, but I was on Medicaid at the time. Being a newlywed and in ministry with no money for insurance will do that to you. 

I’ll never forget that October, our third of the ten years we lived in Charlotte. It was my husband’s birthday and I wanted to celebrate how far he (and I) had come. It’d been a long few years of starting a new life in a new city and I wanted to mark the moment. We had friendships that were flourishing and a baby on the way. Despite all that was hard and heavy, there was much to give thanks for . . . and much to celebrate.

I remember dipping into my stash of tip money and using every last penny to buy food for the party I’d been planning for weeks. I’d stretched seventy-something dollars to buy custom birthday cookies (discounted from the bakery I worked at) and finger foods to feed about ten people.

But then the unimaginable happened: no one showed up.

Every RSVP of a Yes quickly turned into a No. This couple could no longer make it. That friend could come, but couldn’t stay for more than a minute. We grieved that night, my husband and I. We shot up questions into the long, dark night, wondering why it hurt so much and what to do with all our disappointment — and, also, what to do with all that food?

No one but my husband knew what it cost to set that table. No one knew just how precise I needed to be in my planning and purchases, or the sacrifice of time, or the earnest hours of work put in. No one but my husband knew about the exhausting effort spent in pinching pennies and balancing budgets, all while robbing Peter to pay Paul. 

Now, seven years later — after that heartbreak of a party — I feel like I’m looking for the gold thread in all of this. Because my husband and I still share one car. We’re still pinching pennies, still livin’ on a prayer, and staying with our parents to make ends meet.

In fact, being broke, short of cash, poor, in need, in debt, in the red, struggling, cash-strapped, and in lack is never easy, efficient, or encouraging. There are no pretty words or promising platitudes that are helpful or hope-filled enough for the ones living paycheck to paycheck to paycheck.

But there is this: never giving up on the gospel truth that God is good, whether we are in plenty or in want. No one may know what it costs you to set that table. But God knows. No one may know just how precise you need to be in your planning and purchases, or the sacrifice of your time, or the earnest hours of work you put in. But God knows.

No one may know how or why or for how long you’ve been pinching pennies, or gathering quarters, or balancing budgets, or robbing Peter to pay Paul. But God knows. God sees every sacrifice. He sees every swipe of the card. He sees every handwritten check, every cent saved, every coupon collected, every debt collector dialed.

I feel a little like Peter who, on the way to the temple with John, encountered a lame beggar at the temple gate. Peter, looking straight at the man, said to him, “Look at us!” And the man did, giving Peter and John his full attention. “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you,” said Peter. He spoke to the man, saying, “In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” Then Peter took the man by the hand and helped him up. Instantly, the man’s feet and ankles became strong . . . and he went into the temple courts — walking, jumping, and praising God” (Acts 3:1-10 NIV).

Friends, silver or gold I have not . . . but what I do have I give you. Receive this encouragement, and let it strengthen, liberate, and enliven you with supernatural joy: God sees you standing at the gate, knocking and in need. He knows, and He alone can strengthen and sustain you, in the name of Jesus.

God is good, whether you are in plenty or in want. Pay attention to His goodness. May your praise empower you wherever your finances stand today.

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Friends — I’d love to hold space for any pressing financial or work situations you’re currently facing. Comment below and share a little bit about what you’re going through — I’d love to encourage you.

 

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