Our mint-green Prius rested halfway between the lines of one parking space and the next, evidence that my husband had stumbled into the emergency room the day before.
When he called, I was blow drying my hair, getting ready for a day of writing.
“I’m on the way to the hospital,” he said, his voice strangely grave. I grabbed my keys, ready to race to my car when he called again.
“Babe, I don’t think I’m going to make it,” he said.
“To the hospital?”
“No, I don’t think I’m going to make it.”
I threw my car keys back in my purse and called an Uber, telling them it was urgent. A car arrived four minutes later. I ran out the door, wondering if I was going to find my husband somewhere between my home and the hospital. As I gave instructions about the route I knew he had taken, I thought back to the week before.
We were planning a trip to celebrate a big anniversary.
We had saved for months. Not only were we going on a trip, but we were bringing along all our kids and their little ones. Our family had talked of nothing else for weeks. Just a few days earlier, however, I went in for an annual exam. It had been a long time since my battle with Stage 3 breast cancer as a young mom. I had gone through chemo, surgery, and radiation and beat the odds. So many years had passed these visits became simply routine, which is why I hadn’t expected these words:
We found something. It was cancer. It was back.
Richard and I decided to take the trip anyway. When we got back, I’d fight cancer one more time. And now my cancer diagnosis, though important, was not the most pressing issue. Though he didn’t have a single contributing factor that made him a candidate for heart disease, the doctors told me he was in the midst of a massive heart attack.
We eventually labeled that year as our #doubledouble season: his double bypass and my double mastectomy and reconstruction. We laughed about that hashtag. The truth is, however, there were a lot of times we couldn’t laugh at all.
The moment I stood in the parking lot was one of them.
We had a freak ice storm the night before. I shivered as I tried to open the car door, frozen shut. When I finally got in, I scoured the car for an ice scraper. I turned on the heater as high as it would go. I chipped at the ice on the windshields with a cup I found on the floorboard.
It was futile. Suddenly, it was all too much.
Cancer . . . again.
My healthy-eating, half-marathon-running husband being prepped for open-heart surgery.
And where was the stupid ice scraper?
I rested my head on the steering wheel and sobbed. I wept and wailed in that ice-igloo of a car. This was the first “marker” of that hard season.
Throughout the Old Testament, there are stories of encounters with God. Those who had them built altars in remembrance of that significant meeting with God.
That day in the Prius a marker was formed out of my tears and questions. It was an encounter. I didn’t have to pretend. I didn’t have to put on a mask. I was invited to to walk into God’s love and care because I’m His.
A lot has happened since that year. Today, I’m healing from my third and final surgery, and thankfully I’m cancer free. Richard is cycling and walking miles again. Though I say that so easily, it didn’t come easily. If I look back, I see markers littered all the way from that hospital parking lot to this very moment.
Markers that celebrate the deeper reality of God’s goodness.
Markers where God’s people wrapped around us.
Markers where I wept, where I wrestled, where I looked at all the plans and schedules and dreams that were put to the side for a season and wondered if life would ever be the same.
If these markers had words written on them, they would read: I will meet you there.
I’ve learned that this is where sorrow and joy intersect in the midst of struggle. God meets us in our sadness. He meets us in the sweetness of victories. God meets us when we are down, when we are up, when we are in a waiting season of loss, grief, or uncertainty.
All along the way, He is there.
While it seems a new season, an easier one, is approaching, I’m grateful for the markers littered behind for they will help me build the ones ahead.
If you are in a hard place, He will meet you there. You don’t have to pretend, put on a mask, or hide how hard it all is. Instead, you will find Him waiting to walk through every part of it with you.
Leave a Comment
Elizabeth says
This is such a beautiful post. Thank You!
Suzie Eller says
Thanks, Elizabeth.
Melinda Mierek says
Thank you for sharing your story, Suzanne. I needed the reminder to lift up my head to God in every moment, because it might be a “marker” that I need on my timeline. The women I meet who have had success in blocking the devil’s attacks – are those who lift their head, eyes, ears and heart to God every day. So I am committed to doing that this year.
Suzie Eller says
What a powerful response, Melinda!
Jo says
Thanks for sharing your story. Your story revived my understanding of God’s love at personal level.
Sadie Niola says
I WILL MEET YOU THERE… Profound really❣️ Immanuel is always with us .. praising Him with you and blessings to and through you this new year
Suzie Eller says
Thank you, Sadie.
Dawn Ferguson-Little says
God is Good All The Time And All The Time God Is Good. Don Moen song you get it on YouTube worth listening to. God is good all the time. We could it and say why God us. Why did you let this happen to us. You with cancer your Husband then take a heart attack. Our is not to ask why. It like why do some get healed especially if believer in Christ of Cancer or any other illnesses. Some don’t. We can as all the questions we can and do get annoyed with God over thing like this. But we get our answers when we go to Glory one day over things like this. But till then we have to trust God that he knows what he is doing is best. Especially if he takes our loved ones home to be with him. We are sad that they didn’t get there healing and they were saved. More so if we prayed and stood on his word and believed his promises. Especially when someone elses loved one was healed and did all that was saved. There saved family have them on earth for a while longer their family that was sick. It does seem so on fair. We get all the answers in Glory one day. To theses questions. But through it all God is there with us all. We have not lost everything we might if God has taken our loved one home to be with him. Not see them on earth anymore. Yes we will miss them. But we have something to look forward too. That we will see them again with new body in Glory one day with Jesus. That is something to look forward to. But if healed we have alot to look forward to. That God gave us more years on this earth to thank him. To be able to do more to help people with Cancer etc and be thankful for everyday he wakes us up to enjoy another day in his beautiful world. Like your Husband that got over his heart attack. You your cancer. Your both alive to enjoy another day in His beautiful world. Tell people of what God done for him. Like the time God made kept me live after my appendix burst when 7 year old. God sent the Doctor to my late Mum and Dad house he was friend of there to Visit to get me to theatre on-time. So I be here today 50 next month. Like God got you healed of cancer and your Husband to the Hospital in time to get his Heart attack treatment on time. As God has plans for you and your Husband. Like God has plans for me. I am the only one in my Dad family saved and my Dad not saved he 80 next month. Plus my Late Mums family not saved either. Me around for a reason. I pray for them all. So all along God with Me and You and Your Husband for a reason to. . Love today reading. Keeping you all in courage in my prayers Love Dawn Ferguson-Little xx
Suzie Eller says
Praying your family runs into the arms of Jesus.
Dawn Ferguson-Little says
Thank you. I am so glad God Heald you and your Husband of his Heart attack. We might not see either this side of the world. But one day see either in Glory. We do some chatting them. But until then. I just want to say thank you for the lovely readings you right and all the people incourage. I love you all in Jesus. I pray for you all. I love the reading so much. My God richly bless you all and the work you do. My you and you Husband know plus your family’s. How much you are loved in Christ. I’ve got I thank God for every day I am alive like Psalm 118 verse 24 says. This is Day the LORD has made let us rejoice and be glad in it. Because I say we’re would I be without God. I look at my unsaved family say to myself look at what they are missing. I am so glad to be saved. Thank you so much for all you do love your readings on incourage and everyone incourage. Love Dawn Enniskillen Co Fermanagh N.Ireland. Xx
Tricia says
I’m walking through loss of my husband from a cancer diagnosis last July to his death in Sept 2020 . Such sadness to be without him to plan ahead on my own. Without God I could not get through this
Liz says
Tricia, I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. Lifting you up in prayer “Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.” ~Psalm 63:7-8
Suzie Eller says
That’s so hard, Tricia. I’m so sorry. Praying God’s peace and comfort over you.
Lori Baker says
Thank you! This was very good to hear today.
Carrie says
What a hard journey that you two went through, but God was with both of you. Also, thank you for a beautiful post on your blog “What I Am Asking God in 2021”. Still pondering on the word for 2021; Learn was the word for 2020. . Again, thank you for sharing your story.
Suzie Eller says
Thanks, Carrie. <3
Carrie says
I needed this more than you will ever know…man can I resonate right now with your story…thank you for being open and real and sharing. You are truly a beacon of light love and hope from Jesus our Father
Peace’Love’Godbless to you and yours…
Beth Williams says
6-9Suzie,
Thanks for sharing such a powerful testimony to God’s protective love & care. Life can get tough sometimes. It feels like you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Society makes you think you have to do it all in your own strength. That’s a lie from the enemy.
We say fine when others ask how we’re doing. Truth is we’re not fine & that’s alright. Like you said take off the mask quit pretending to be perfect & show the world the real you in the midst of trials. Matthew 11:28-29 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. Jesus is always there ready to help you.
Blessings 🙂
Suzie Eller says
Thanks Beth. You are such an encourager.
Christina Ryan Claypool says
Right now, I am reading this in an examination room of an orthopedic specialist, while waiting for the doctor to come in.
My Christmas miracle was not a miracle of answered prayer in renewed mobility like I’d hoped, but instead getting an appointment to see this highly respected physician.
I’ve been waiting through December, waiting through Christmas and the New Year in anticipation of an answer to years of an on-and-off chronic problem. Back on crutches again, with another serious knee injury, and there are these arthritic feet causing so much trouble. Walking is such a luxury people take for granted, one I took for granted for five decades. But not anymore.
During the good times, when I can take a short walk outside or even just get to my mailbox, my heart feels deep gratitude to God. But on the bad days when I’m stuck in bed or on my couch, pain clouds my mind and being confined for weeks at a time, tries to make me doubt God’s love. Then I feel guilty for doubting the God who has always come through. Guilty too, because I know there are those afficted with far worse circumstances.
My compassion for folks living each day with chronic pain is renewed by these trials. After all, I’ve been blessed with many “good” days during this past seven years of a health issue and others are not blessed with even one. Yet there is suffering in the waiting. “Suffering” a word we don’t like. But in the New Testament, we read about fiery trials and about not thinking it is a strange thing when we are afflicted by the complexities of being in this flesh. The human condition, life and death, joy and sorrow, hope and despair, health and sickness, along with being young and growing old, are all part of the race we are running.
Thank you for writing your beautiful and encouraging post, Suzie. You and your husband are intimately acquainted with waiting and suffering. Yet, also with God’s healing power. Through your words our Heavenly Father is crying out, “You are loved. You are not alone.”
Well, I think the doctor is coming….so, for now, I’m simply trusting one day at a time.
Shelley says
sometimes, right at that very moment you just need a story to remind you, he does meet us where we are… thank you for sharing that story…
Kim Hill says
My 37 year old daughter passed away unexpectedly in May. I have asked God Why ? so many times. I go to her resting place everyday and talk to her and God. I keep waiting on an answer. I tell him I know I will get my answer one day. I thank him that she did not suffer, driving her car, or being in her apartment for days when she passed. She was a social worker at DHR and was in court when she had a pulmonary embolism and was gone immediately. I ask Him everyday to continue walking beside me and give me his strength cause I know I can’t get they this life without him. My heart is broken. My daddy passed away Jan 16 2019 and that was hard and now to lose my child is awful. I know I’m not the only parent going thru this but we shouldn’t have to bury our kids
Suzie Eller says
Oh Kim, I’m so very sorry for such a great loss.
Leslie McCarthy says
So touched my heart. Thank you for sharing and God bless you and your family.♥
Crystal Storms says
Love the reminder, Suzie, to look back to see all the places God met us in our hard moments. Thankful that your story reveals His hand in so many ways. <3
Nancy Ruegg says
Oh, Suzie, what a heart-touching, spirit-lifting post! Thank you for sharing your story. I especially appreciate your list of markers that include some surprising ways God meets us, even through times of trouble and pain, wrestling and tears. Those moments are as worthy of record in the gratitude journal as the happy blessings when all is well.
Donna says
Suzanne, thank you for reminding me that God meets me where I am. I am not in a bad place but it isn’t a good one either. It feels like I am waiting for something unknown. Isn’t that the hardest part for us?
Suzie Eller says
It is a hard part of it. Reaching with a huge hug.
Michelle Sigmund says
Thank you for sharing about this. Your story is much like mine. So much going on and then fear crept in. Thank you for reminding me of my faith and in the Lord Jesus Christ. You are wonderful!
Jackie says
This is showing me so much… not exactly like yours / my days are heading into scary waters. My marriage is the worst- husband won’t communicate- my blood sugars are high- my sugars are creating havoc on my legs, sores are popping up- my UTI can’t be found but it’s causing burning/ itching. No one can find what is wrong, and for a woman of 70 this is very difficult to go any distance and Ned to pre every 10 minutes. Husband had liver transplant 10 years ago but now he is having complications. I am running with my head cut off…. May I pray to see where he is meeting me.
God bless this evidence in your story‼️‼️
Becky Keife says
Suzie, I’m so grateful for your testimony of God’s faithfulness and your invitation to all of us to be raw and real before the Lord while also being expectant for how He will yet work. May we all live eyes wide open to His steadfast presence! It’s a joy to host your words here on (in)courage.
Makebah says
Thank you for sharing your story.Am encouraged alot, just recovering from surgery I had to remove my blocked sinuses and I feel like it’s just too much taking drugs every day plus struggling with low immune system,but this reminds me God is here with me