Dad asked if he could drive over to have dinner with us before Christmas.
It was early December 2022. My breath caught when my adult kids relayed his request. Their dad mostly disappeared after our divorce in November 2019. Earlier that year, I’d become an empty-nester as well. Then, the pandemic occurred a few months later. So much had changed. By 2022, I was finally feeling like I’d settled into my next normal. Now this.
The morning of their visit, my kids decided to meet with their dad at my middle child’s apartment. I saw how nervous my kids were, so I volunteered to make dinner. I settled on Spaghetti Bolognese, a comforting, familiar, once-upon-a-time family favorite. I knew they would enjoy it, but my offer was also selfish. I needed to keep myself busy and out of their business.
I started with searing the beef. Turns out the stove wasn’t the only hot thing in my kitchen. I felt a hot anger rise in me as I cooked. Our hard family history replayed as I patted the meat dry and fried the bacon. Post-divorce, I’d spent several years helping my kids pick up the broken pieces. My kids and in-law kids were all home for the holidays. I was finally looking forward to Christmas.
God. Come on! You mean he’s just going to swoop in like nothing happened?
I stirred the seasonings into a big pot — the one I used to make this meal in my old house. In our “before” life. Standing at the stove, my mind mentally stirred the pot of memories. Faith and fury warred within me. In one moment, I remembered the years of working hard in therapy, Al-Anon, and Divorce Care. In the next moment, I remembered all the broken promises and broken hearts.
I could feel my healed wounds throb, still tender.
Not wishing to return to the days before healing, I turned down the heat on the stove and stepped out of the kitchen. The kids were away Christmas shopping, and the sauce needed hours to simmer. In that unoccupied time, I sensed God’s invitation to guide me to a fresh forgiveness, albeit at an unexpected time and in an unexpected way.
Forgiveness is woven into the fabric of the Christmas story, even if it isn’t center stage. While we prefer mangers to crosses, Christmas always leads to Easter. Just before Jesus died for our sins, He showed us how to forgive, even when others weren’t sorry. Jesus showed us how to practice forgiveness at an unexpected time and in an unexpected way.
Previously beaten and weak, now with nails pounded into His hands and feet, Jesus saw His betrayers all around Him. He didn’t deserve such treatment, and He was innocent of the stated crimes. Yet Jesus cried out:
“Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.”
Luke 23:34 NLT
His request was simple: Forgive them.
As He was hurting.
Even though he didn’t deserve it.
Isn’t this when forgiveness is hard for us?
When we’re still hurting.
When we haven’t received the apology.
When the consequences of their actions shattered our lives.
Yet, Jesus forgave at an unexpected time and in an unexpected way so that we could do the same.
Even at Christmas? Yes.
“…forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”
Ephesians 4:23 NLT
“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”
Colossians 3:13 NLT
Sensing God’s invitation to forgive, I stood in my kitchen and prayed. My tears streamed onto the floor. God, I hate that this is our family story. Thank You for Your gracious love and kindness that has carried us the past few years. Thank You for the forgiveness that Jesus has given me. I need to forgive him again for the pain we went through and the consequences we are living with. Thank You for the freedom and healing that comes through forgiveness. Amen.
That prayer was hard, but it blessed me. It was a step of obedience so God could replace hurt with healing. This prayer may be helpful to you.
A few hours later, I wrapped the hearty sauce, noodles, salad, and dessert for the kids to take to dinner. While I wept after closing the door behind them, I wiped away grateful tears, not sad ones. Thankful for a God who provides freedom from bitterness and hurt through forgiving others.
Perhaps God may nudge your heart this Christmas season to offer forgiveness at an unexpected time and in an unexpected way. Let go so that God can fill that hurting space in your heart with His love and peace.
Barb, this piece is beautiful in so many ways. I love how you brought us into your kitchen in the details of cooking and how you wove it into your forgiveness story. And the way you described how Jesus forgave: full of grace in the weightiest of times. Truly beautiful. Thank you for sharing your words.
Amen & Amen!
Hi Jennifer, thank you for joining us today and for your kind words. I’m glad today’s post blessed you!
This is so good…a reminder that we need to release unforgiveness and most times more than once.
Thank you for the timely reminder.
Absolutely! Thank you for joining today’s conversation and sharing your encouragement with everyone.
Thank you this morning. God spoke to me through you and your story with a reminder of the importance of forgiveness.
Hi Chris! Thank you for your comment and I’m glad that today’s article resonated with you.
Dear Barb…….Your story touched my heart and soul. I have so many people who have caused me pain and wondering why they just cut off our friendship because of my very serious situations. I have forgiven them as they all have husbands and extended families so they are busy with them constantly. I do still really miss them. My worst thing is what happened with my family, although they have told me, I am no longer part of the family. I have forgiven my now ex-husband as he has dementia and most of the things he has done to me from abuse every night for over 3 years to telling our son (who is 55 years old ) so many lies about me and my son did not even check with me to see if they were accurate. Then he called me and said I was a liar and there was nothing wrong except old age with his father. At that point he said he no longer considered me his mother and he and his wife would never again allow me to see or even speak to my 1 grandchild who at the time had just turned 11. He is now 15 and they have told him untruths about me to alienate him from me too. With all of that he just hung up on me and cut all communication off so there was no way to even try to see what he was talking about. It is now going to be 5 years on Christmas Eve this year as that was the last time I saw them. I pray for my grandson and I tried to forgive my son and his wife. My mind could do it, but my heart says “no”. What they have done to me is so painful and my son continues to send me emails calling me a drug addict, a Wh**e, and I belong in a mental institute plus so many other things that I cannot tell you as they should not be written on line. I do not know what to do about their forgiveness. I can say I do, but that would be a lie. Please Barb, if you have any ideas for me, could you share them with me? I am just alone except of course the Lord, Jesus and my Holy Spirit, but I just feel like I need a person to visit me and talk to me, but there is no one. I am sorry to go on and there is just too much more to the story. Thank you so much for your wise words and I wish you and your family, Barb, a Blessed Advent and Christmas season. Your story was very heartbreaking to me as I read it. I send my love and prayers to you. Love, Betsy Basile
Betsy, our hearts grieve with yours. I am so sorry that your heart is heavy during the holiday season. We pray for God‘s peace and for family reconciliation. I can only imagine how much you miss your only grandchild and we pray for healing in your family and that you might all be reunited.
Thank you for sharing so vulnerably your families story of forgiveness and how God was with you in the kitchen that day. Healing, redemption and faith is rising so powerfully.
Laura, thank you! God has been so gracious and kind over the years to do so much healing work in our lives. I pray that this story reminds readers that forgiveness really does bring freedom. So glad you joined us today!
Barb,,
Holding onto discomfort & bitterness only hurts you. Let go of the anger & pain. Forgive as God has forgiven you. It is the only was to find true peace.
I’ve had to do that with a woman at church. She is a bossy type & scolded me for taking way to much food home. It was super hard the second time it happened. I wasn’t going to eat with them at church again. A good friend invited me to the Christmas catered dinner. I told her the story & she simply said forget her. Come be with us you deserve to be here. God is blessing me for forgiving that woman.
Blessings 🙂
Hi Beth! I absolutely agree. Forgiveness is truly freedom! Thank you for sharing your story and the encouragement that you want to pass along to others.