I sing with the small praise band at my church, and I love it. I’m not the best singer solo, but with my husband leading beside me on guitar and vocals, I fall into my sweet spot and layer in harmonies. I love looking into the sanctuary and seeing dear friends all worshipping, my kids sitting (hopefully) in the back row with my beloved mom, and my husband at my side. It’s a wonder we’re all in a church building together at all, and not a week goes by that I don’t whisper thanks to the One who mends wounds and stitches hearts and gathers us all in with welcome and grace.
Last night our little band was rehearsing for Sunday. This week’s musicians include our director singing and playing piano, three other singers (one of them on guitar), a drummer, and a bass player. To hear ourselves and one another clearly, we use several monitors placed in front of each musician or group. When connected to the system, these monitors play the combined audio from all the vocal and instrument microphones.
As I’m singing at rehearsal, I notice I can’t hear my vocals in the monitor nearest me. I can’t hear my husband’s guitar. I’m not hearing any other vocals either. We stop playing, and the director goes back to the sound booth to adjust the monitor and mic levels. We all think it’s better, and we start again. But still, I can’t hear anything out of my monitor!
However, I am convinced that since everyone else seems fine, the problem must be me. I bend down and put my ear nearly on the monitor, straining to hear, and finally ask to pause again.
That’s when I notice… the blue plug lying on the floor. The monitor isn’t even plugged in!
We all have a good laugh, plug it in, adjust the sound levels, and what do you know – I can hear it all now! Everything is clearer. Everything is easier to follow.
And then I wonder why I doubted myself in the first place. Why I scoffed a little at needing the volume turned up when no one else did. Why, in the back of my mind, I told myself I was causing trouble and should just keep it to myself because obviously I was the only one who couldn’t hear from that monitor.
When all along, it wasn’t me; the thing wasn’t even plugged in.
Do you ever do this? Doubt yourself when you were right all along? It’s a subtle kind of self-gaslighting — when we dismiss our own awareness, our gut instincts, our God-given discernment.
Maybe you haven’t experienced this with a praise band and unplugged monitor, but in other ways. Maybe it’s a nagging medical issue, barely enough to inconvenience you but persisting anyway, and sure enough, there’s a concern. Maybe it’s a gut feeling that your family’s spending habits need to change, and sure enough, a big bill comes due. Or a church that just isn’t a good fit, and sure enough, you find another place that feels like home. Or a person who has always been around, who has always made you feel uncomfortable or unhappy, and sure enough, you learn they’re not worthy of your trust.
We second-guess ourselves because it feels safer, easier even, to assume we’re the problem rather than facing what might really be happening. But sometimes, that quiet sense in our soul isn’t suspicion or anxiety — it’s God’s Spirit, whispering truth and guidance right where and when we need it.
In our church, we have a saying for volunteer projects: God’s work, our hands. It means God is using our hands to do His good work as we clean, feed, clothe, support, and love. God uses us — and the things of this world — to speak His love and to speak to our hearts.
God spoke to Moses in a bush aflame and to Elijah in a still, small voice.
Noah followed his heart and picked up a hammer.
God used pillars of fire and cloud to guide, and salt to care.
Rahab listened to her gut and saved her whole family.
And Jesus, who was fully God, also became fully man. He regularly used earthly items to illustrate His stories and make miracles: pigs, mud, wine, water, dirt, spit, fish, bread… and people.
God’s voice doesn’t always sound like we thought it would. Three times, Samuel thought Eli was calling to him, when what he was actually hearing was the voice of the Lord.
So how often do we ignore that still, small voice in our hearts? When have we mistaken God’s voice for another’s? How often do we turn away from the bush ablaze? When have we missed the pillars of fire and cloud, and instead turned to the internet for guidance? How many times have we not trusted our gut feelings? When have we thought we were the problem — only to find the speaker unplugged?
Oh, we can get it so very wrong.
But the good news is that God still speaks right to our hearts with the very stuff of our lives. He uses our instincts, our questions, our longing, our everyday surroundings to reach us.
So check to see if the monitor is plugged in. Look at the bush on fire. Stare directly into the pillar of cloud leading the way, no matter how thick the fog gets. Keep an ear wide open for that still, small voice.
Don’t doubt yourself. God is speaking loud and clear.
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One of our denominations logo is “God us still speaking”. I never really thought about it in the context of what you wrote. I tend to second guess myself. When things go wrong, of course it MUST be my fault. I am at present struggling with a relationship with an old friend. I question myself when around her, I feel unsure and edgy. It has always been like this. Acquiesce to what she wants. I stood up to her last year and we did not communicate for months. I understand the why of her behavior, but was unwilling to forget. She has half heartedly apologized but the trust is gone. I’ve been thinking am I the problem? We are meeting for lunch today. It us inconvenient for me but maybe this is God speaking to my heart.
I especially like God’s work, our hands.
Madeline, I hope things go well!
Dear Anna……..Your devotion today is just what I need to work on. For years, I doubted myself when in fact, most of them I did the right thing. I had blamed myself often truly knowing that it was not me but someone else that was trying to ruin my life and not because it was something I did. Anna, you may know some of my problems from many comments I have made before. My son and his wife are still not allowing me to see or speak to my one grandchild who just turned 15 on 10/10. I have not seen or been able to talk to him since he was 11. I desperately need some advice or help. Now he has sent me another email, very nasty and heartbreaking. He had told me that I received his last communication a month ago, but that was another untruth that he is good at. Not only is he harassing me, but this time he actually stalking me and it has to do with my (in)courage comments. He did not know that I loved all of your words, but he does know of my spiritual faith and belief, so what he did was look at all the communities like yours and finally found (in)courage and found one of my comments. In this last email from last week, he said to stop making comments. Anna…..You know how important you are to me and now he is scaring me that he will read all of my comments. Do you have any advice for me? I will NOT stop reading (in)courage devotionals, but I worry about what his next move is. Will he try and physically hurt me? I would not put it past him as that the way my ex-husband was and now with dementia so bad that he does not even recognize me after 54 years of marriage. It showed me how much the disease has progressed and yet they still think he does not have it and drinks heavily. I have prayed to the Lord and Jesus, but I am not sure they can fix this one. Sorry for dumping this on you, but the people that I live with do not understand how a son could do this to his mother. Thank you so much for your wise words. Do you have any ideas? Love to you Anna…………..Betsy Basile
Anna, you hit the ball out of the park again, with this devotion! Whenever I see your byline, I get excited about what you will say. I’m never disappointed.
This morning, I was doubting myself as a writer (a carry over from yesterday). “I don’t have anything original to say” I repeated to myself. After I said some prayers, I decided to check out this morning’s post and your words, “Don’t doubt yourself. God is speaking loud & clear.” seemed more than a coincidence. I’ve been told many times by many people throughout my life not to doubt myself. Reading your words of encouragement today reminded me to keep moving forward in faith. Thank you!