After a fun weekend celebrating a friend’s milestone birthday, I drove home determined to find a particular photo of my group of friends from high school. We laughed so much that I wanted to reconnect with other memories from our past.
My high school photos live in a few plastic bins tucked into the back corner of my closet. They rest in obscurity under my Christmas decorations, extra blankets for house guests, and some boxes of my adult kids’ books that I really need to drop off at their homes.
As I peeked inside those plastic time capsules, it felt like a time warp hole opened, transporting me from my dining room table back to not just high school, but other periods in my past:
As a clueless new mom staring down at my newborn wondering why in the world the nurses were going to let me walk out of the hospital with my baby.
Then, as a 25-year-old mom listening to my second child ask, “Snack, Mommy?” in her squeaky little Minnie Mouse voice. Oh, how I loved asking her questions just to hear her tiny little voice.
I turned one more page…
And I gazed at my youngest child. She was our miracle baby eating dinner in her highchair. Her dad’s hand was in the photo as he fed her and wiped her face. We were a happy and whole family back then…
I closed the photo album and my eyes blinked back to the present. I felt the roll of tears slipping down my cheeks and the emotions in my heart were just as real and big as the day those photos were taken. While I may have revisited the past, the sense of happiness, joy, and sadness stuck with me in the present.
As you review past photos or entertain memories, what’s sweet for you? What’s a struggle for you?
I wrestled with whether to reopen the photo album to look at more photos. But could I handle the tension of both the good and bad memories? As I debated my choices, a helpful tool came to mind:
“Look back, but don’t stare.”
I heard this saying years ago in a family addiction recovery group. God used those words as a gentle reminder that I can revisit the memories of the past, but it isn’t healthy to stay there too long. Just as it isn’t safe to drive by only looking in the rearview mirror or backup camera, it’s not healthy for us to leave the gates of our minds open for the past to come and distract us from what’s happening in our present.
Unfortunately, our reflections on the past often tilt toward the negative moments. If we’re being honest, there are times when we prefer to entertain those negative memories. Is it possible that there are times when we revisit bad memories repeatedly in order to justify or cling to our anger, resentment, unforgiveness, or even our self-righteousness?
My friend, are there certain memories that you need to stop staring back at so often?
When we live in the past, the danger is that we will miss seeing God’s faithfulness, love, and power right here and now.
God is always at work in the right now of your life. No one is diminishing the pain, heartache, or loss that you’ve experienced, but if God’s promises can be trusted, then He is arranging opportunities for healing, renewal, or restoration for you. What if He’s been trying to show you purpose that can come out of that time of pain?
My friend, God’s best for you is yet to come — look forward to it.
Thankfully, we have wisdom from a scriptural author who had a difficult past. Here is his wisdom to guide us practically today:
…but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.
Philippians 3:13-14 (NLT)
As the Apostle Paul wrote these words, I imagine he saw a mix of memories. He would likely have had flashbacks of his years of religious training, his old zealous religious ways, and hunting down early Christians. Imagine him flinching every time he remembered standing by as an early follower of Christ was killed.
Could Paul erase the memory of his past like it never happened? No. But, Paul committed not to let his past hijack God’s freedom and purpose for his future.
Whatever your mind keeps looking back to is where you will stay stuck unless you train yourself, like Paul, to look forward. Paul reminds us that it’s not easy, but it’s worth it!
You experience freedom in your future as you look forward to God instead of fixating on the past.
Thank you Barb for sharing these helpful and encouraging reminders!
“Look back, but don’t stare.” ~ I love it!!
“God’s best for you is yet to come — look forward to it.
– Amen & Amen! I hold on to this with joy and expectation. Amen!
Thank you again, Have a wonderful day! 🙂
Bomi, we love that you’ve joining today’s conversation and I appreciate your encouraging words. Have a great day!
“Look back, but don’t stare.” ~ I love it!!
These words are so encouraging. Isn’t it great to know that we do not have to be a prisoner to our past?
I am learning every day to look forward to what God is doing in my life.
Thank you for sharing your heart today.
Amen, Donna! We don’t have to be prisoners! Thank you for sharing what you’re learning and how you want to live today forward.
Such a help this morning for me. Thank you. It hit a cord with me.
Praise God, Madeline. I’m glad that this article spoke to you!
Thank you. My whole Life and plans that I had for it changed at 17 my my parents move me to Florida that’s making it impossible for me to go to college and become a teacher as I wanted to do.
I thought I had forgiven that I excepted it because I can see what God has done in my life leading me to eventually become a preschool teacher a wife mother grandmother and our great grandmother at age 82 with the majority of my family within 3 hours.
However sometimes I still look back thing I can wonder how things would’ve been this is helped me to finally finally finally give it up to Jesus and spend the rest of the time I have on earth serving him and looking forward to heaven. God bless you and yours
Betsy, thank you for stopping by (in)courage today! What a powerful story – and praise God that you’re ready to surrender what could have been and fully celebrate the life you’ve lived. Thank you for inspiring us today!
Excellent article Barb!
Thank You
It’s just what my counsellor has been tell me 😉
Oh wow! I love how God keeps sending you gentle confirmation of His best for you! Thanks for sharing this!
Barb thank you so much for shearing this post. All you said is so true. We can all look back at photos of memories from long ago. People who no longer here that were in the photos and tears come to our eyes wishing they were still here. Look at the moment things back to when the photo was taken. Especially if of a person who is no longer here that was very important in your life like a Mum or Dad or Grandmother that meant the world to you. You stop and pause and think in that moment looking at the photo of them. About all the lovely things you and they used to do together. Those were good days and good to thank God for those lovely memories you can remember of them and the things you did together. Plus what made them special to you. Like me just spending time with my Mum and remembering her wisdom and the things she used to say plus the Birthday parties she had for me when small plus Birthday cake she made for it. Plus me my Grandmother and the way I used to watch her make the most beautiful apple tarts. Boy they were lovely. Like the the Birthday cakes my mum made for me for my parties when small. They are memories to treasure always. But if saved you have not lost all you may miss them this side of earth. But one day when your time to leave earth you will see them again that is just lovely to think about also. Keep all the memories of them in your heart. As said thank God they were even though not here now they were part of your life when on earth. But as you say don’t stare at the photos to long. As you could get into a rut. Say why are they not here anymore. God gave you them for the time he did. God will also give you new memories of things he wants you also treasure in your heart of the people who he puts in your life now. To be there to make memories with that you can also treasure in your heart. Like in the photos of people not here today. It good to look at old photos even if people are gone. Remember the good times. Plus look at old photos of the people are still here today. Laugh at the photos of them and what they looked liked years ago and how you looked then too. Then show them and you all can laugh together at the way you all looked. You may say look at my hair then and look at what I was wearing then. I never have my hair like that again or wear that. But you know time and fashion change. It good to Keep all the memories your heart even if the person here today or the person not. Dawn Ferguson-Little xx in my prayers all you incourage
Beautiful Dawn… Thank you so much for sharing!!! May God bless you greatly…
Wonderful message Barb. Thank you!
“Look back, but don’t stare.” Memories are precious, but also sometimes unhealthy.
I want to stay in this frame of mind TODAY
…..”it’s not healthy for us to leave the gates of our minds open for the past to come and distract us from what’s happening in our present”
I want to be present so I can “experience freedom in your future as you look forward to God”
He has plans and I don’t want to miss them because I’m staring at the past, missing the past and beating myself up from PAST mistakes.
“Look, but don’t stare.” Beautiful mindset, Barb, thank you. I’ll be using it often as I look forward and move ahead.
This is my first time reading anything on this blog. This was such an encouragement to me. I have had some very hurtful things happen in my recent past, and sometimes I catch myself re-living it. But, your words are so wise…there is never forgetting, but the suggestion that it’s okay to look back but not to stare… that is very freeing. I’m praying that God helps me continue to look forward. He is Faithful!
I am committed not to let my past hijack God’s freedom and purpose for me right now, & my future. But thanks for this wise reminder!
Thank you so much for sharing God’s wisdom with us Barb!!! I am grateful that you shared and will start following you. I need the encouragement from a strong woman so I can move forward and do all that God has created me to do… May God Bless you and yours greatly…
This was so good and exactly what I needed, thank you!!
Barb,
You experience freedom in your future as you look forward to God instead of fixating on the past. That is so true of me right now. For a long time I was upset over the “mistakes/wrong choices” I made in my work life as a 20-40 yr. old. It felt like I cheated myself & hubby monetarily by changing jobs & not working for periods of time. Then once again I had to quit a good job. This time to care for my aging dad & hubby’s parents. Took a part-time job for a while till they let me go. Surprisingly that was a happy day for me. I knew God had something better in store for me. I looked to God & forgot about my past. Little did I know it would start out as a part-time ICU Step Down clerical & lead to a full-time ICU clerical position (same hospital). WOW! Look back & reminisce but don’t stare. Keep looking forward & see what God has in store for you!
Blessings 🙂