In the midst of this beautiful and busy season, take a moment to consider the people in your life who are stressed, hurting, grieving, or maybe even struggling in their faith right now — family members, friends, or even acquaintances for whom you are praying. (If this is you, sweet (in)courage friend, I’m praying especially for you right now.) It’s hard to imagine that at least one person isn’t coming to mind for every single one of us, possibly several. Though prayers matter and make a difference, do you lament not being able to do more, to offer a tangible expression of support or concern?
It was at the recent funeral of someone precious and dear to me that I was reminded of a simple but powerful gesture that expressed love, compassion, encouragement, and genuine care: just showing up.
Dear friends from our faith community two hometowns ago, life-long best friends, writing/blogging friends I would have never anticipated making the long drive, my husband’s work colleagues who drove four hours one-way to be with us, and also all the folks we might have expected to be there. Had any one of those out-of-towners told us they were planning to attend, we would have expressed our gratitude for their thoughtfulness while simultaneously protesting their attendance because of the inconvenience.
What I didn’t anticipate, what I was completely clueless about beforehand, was how glad I would be to see every sweet face, how loved, known, and valued their presence would make me feel. Their small act of “just” showing up made a huge difference. Absolutely every card, call, text, email, memorial gift, and flower expressed sympathy, love and were genuinely appreciated, but I underestimated the comfort of skin-to-skin contact. A hug has the magical ability to communicate love without words; a hug emoji doesn’t compare.
All of this got me thinking about the special times and different ways people have “just shown up” in my life. Earlier this year, my husband had a mild heart attack, and despite my protests, my sister, Lora, dropped everything to be with us. Also, though Tad had only a brief stay at the hospital, my friend Leigh brought us dinner; again, in spite of me telling her it wasn’t necessary. I didn’t think I needed either of those things, but the way I felt ministered to was telling. It happened again a few weeks ago when my sweet neighbors insisted on dropping off dinner after my mother-in-law’s death. I didn’t think I needed it because my two hands still worked, and yet something about my neighbor’s gesture felt holy. Every bite of that delicious meal tasted like love.
A lot of my showing-up memories are tied to moves we’ve made in the past. When we moved from Chattanooga, Paige showed up to help me pack (So did my sister — again. Her superpower might well be showing up for people.). Months later, Charles showed up to help empty our storage unit there; we had definitely underestimated our need for help, and it would have been a lot harder without him. Years earlier, my friend, Michelle, unexpectedly appeared at my back door with cleaning supplies in hand, declaring she “was there for me to put her to work.” I hadn’t asked for help, nor had she ask me if I needed it, but we were moving out of state, and with three young children at the time, getting anything done by myself was a challenge. To have someone just show up to help me work was akin to entertaining an angel unaware. I’ve never forgotten Michelle’s generous gift of time. There’s no way either of us could have known then how far-reaching her impact would be, and I’ve often thought about how I might pay it forward. It shouldn’t come as much of a surprise, then, that sixteen years later Michelle was one of those from our South Carolina community who showed up at my mother-in-law’s funeral.
When I think about how people showing up has impacted me, it makes me want to be a showing-up sort of person for others. Sometimes logistics make it impossible to show up for someone you care about, and that’s okay. There is no reason to feel guilty because, thankfully, there are plenty of ways to express love and support or otherwise encourage them.
Yet, I know I’ve missed opportunities to be there for people at times, and I’m increasingly persuaded that showing up for others carries a beautiful sort of magic that ministers to heart and soul. It’s worth any inconvenience or sacrifice I have to make.
Lives are changed when we show up. And if you’re like me, you’ll find that in giving of yourself you receive grace upon grace in return.
It all makes sense, really, this showing up for those we love, those in need, those who are broken or struggling or grieving. Two thousand years ago, Jesus showed up, and lives were changed; by His Spirit and through His word, He’s still showing up today. It makes a lot of sense that as we behold Jesus, we become more like Him.
I needed Him to show up when I was struggling in my own faith — even when I didn’t realize I needed Him — and He was faithful to show up in His perfect timing. (As you’ll soon begin hearing more exciting news about For All Who Wander, releasing in January, you’ll see how His showing up was life changing for me.) Considering what Jesus has done for me makes me want to follow His lead.
See, the virgin will become pregnantand give birth to a son,
and they will name him Immanuel,
which is translated “God is with us.”
Matthew 1:23 (CSB)
Showing up is even in His name — Immanuel, God is with us. No, not magical, but indeed, beautiful.
Lives are changed when we show up. #grief #loss #comfort #Emmanuel -@robindance: Click To Tweet Leave a Comment
Amen sister! I need to show up more! Sorry for your loss. I’m glad Jesus reached you by using the actions of your loved ones far and near!
Jas,
It’s a decision we’ll never regret :).
I learned this truth when Amy died. Showing up is powerful and more meaningful than I imagined. This is a great reminder that I should show up more often. Thanks, Robin. Love you and I can’t wait to hold a copy of your new book in my hands!!
Oh, Mary….you had to learn in the hardest of ways :(. And YOU were one of the special ones who showed up for me. I haven’t yet shared this post on FB, but when I do, you and Bonnie are two of the ones who inspired it. I love you, friend.
You. Are. Loved.
You. Are. Too.
Robin,
Reading your post, I think about all the people who showed up through a succession of six major surgeries. Friends made meals, ran errands and grocery runs. One friend who lived far sent a freezer package of meals. It blew me away. When I’ve had episodes of anxiety and depression, a good friend came over and did my laundry for me. Nothing says real love like folding someone else’s socks and underwear. I am challenged to think of whom I can just show up for this Advent season. I don’t want to say, “Call me if I can do anything,” I want to just do it. So thankful that Jesus chose to just show up in the middle of our messy, failure-filled lives. He came not to be served, but to serve. I want to be more like Him. Thanks for the invitation…
Blessings,
Bev xx
” I don’t want to say, “Call me if I can do anything,” I want to just do it.”
You get me, Bev…you’ve been on the receiving end, you want to be on the giving end…and I can tell you heard my heart here. 🙂
There is comfort in knowing that we reflect on Immanuel, He is with us always. There is no strenuous effort on our part. Bask in His presence, embrace His love.
Kamilah….yes….thank God “strenuous effort” isn’t necessary.
So precious and loving…. What a gentle reminder to not overthink or think showing up won’t matter! I’m a little on dense/distracted side sometimes when I could’ve just shown up. Keeping this tucked away in my heart for those times and when I debate another funeral home visit….
Oh, Indiane…yes! JUST DO IT! I convinced it matters! I’ve just lived it! <3
So timely. Look forward to hearing more about “For all who wander”
Jill,
Providential timing is my favorite :). (you’ll be hearing more, soon…trust me 🙂 )
This is so beautiful, Robin. What an important reminder. Given that we exist for relationships, it makes perfect sense. Thank you for sharing this. ❤️
Dianne <3,
"Given that we exist for relationships...." Yesssss! Hugs to YOU!
When my son was killed in 2006 I had so many people show up. They showed up for love and support and for meals and for meeting the plane and for following the hearse home for 2 hrs at 2 am. I had 100 Patriot Guard members show up for his funeral, none of which I had met. I’ve had friends show up to care for me and my home while caring for my ill husband. I’ve had friends drive me 2 hrs each way for my Dad’s service. I’ve had friends show up to move my Mom closer and eventually clean out her house. I’ve had that same friend move her from her bed to her hospital bed and friends who kept her company to I could continue to work. He’s also been the one that move beds so many times and always said, It’s not problem. I’ve had friends drive me to eye appts and eye surgeries. I’ve had friends bring me meals and make sure I have a ride if it’s dark. Thank you for reminding me of all who have blessed and lifted me up. I’ve been used to do the same and so hope that I can continue to bless others as Jesus has allowed others to bless me.
Wow, Kat…..your examples are wonderful. Thank you for sharing. It sounds like you’re a receiver AND a giver :).
Robin, thank you for such a lovely post. I think it was the best reminder for me this season, to just show up for people. You are certainly right that a hug makes all the difference! What a blessing your writing always is and I’m excited to read your book! Praying for you and your family. Erin
Erin ~ Thank you sweet sister-friend :).So grateful for continued prayers….Christmas will be hard for my sweet father-in-law. My dear MIL loved it so (and him so much more…).
Robin,
Like you people have shown up for me lots of times. First time was when I moved out of state for college. My neighbor down the hill brought dinner the first night & numerous times through out the semester. We had a blizzard & the day after the Superbowl we took left over pizza over to the workers stuck at the nursing home. Years later I met a dear friend through church. She & I were both going through aging parent troubles. One particular Saturday my next door neighbor called to say her son died. I called my friend to see how she was doing. She had her step dad & dad both in hospital. Hubby & I went to KFC & got food for the neighbor & for my friend & hubby. We got to my friend’s house just as she was arriving home. I got food for them two more times during that period. That same friend brought food the day my dad died. It helped as I had a sister coming in from out of state. Just last week she brought more food for our FIL’s death. During my FIL’s illness I got food often for them. Once a month, if I could, I would get a baked spaghetti casserole & fruit. For my MIL’s birthday the last two years I just made 2 casseroles. It was what she needed more than anything. For others in my church I would show up at the funeral & just be there for them. I’m the encourager/ do something person.
Blessings 🙂
You “get” this, Beth…you really get it. 🙂
Thank you for this lovely reminder – I thought you may like to see the poem I wrote after my husband died in Palliative care last year – 2 days after our 55th wedding anniversary, and following 11 weeks in hospital. All the folk who “showed up” for me and my family, during and after, most from our Churches, but strangers too, and of course, Jesus was there, making little miracles happen like close parking spots every day while I was suffereing osteo-arthritis. And I hardly needed to cook the whole time. God bless, Camilla
GOD’S GRACE
THROUGH THE VALLEY
Blessings abundant,
blessings galore,
Too many to hold
in memory’s store,
God’s been so gracious,
merciful and good,
So even through trials,
we’ve all understood.
He gave us some time
to be prepared,
Enveloped us in love,
to show that He cared,
He sent many angels,
both stranger and friend,
To comfort and pray,
and on Him depend.
And all through the anguish,
many moments of joy,
Loving-kindness and humour,
our spirits to buoy.
He gave us rich memories
to hold in our heart,
Anniversary – family service
– Lord, how great Thou art.
Camilla Diann 12.6.2018
Such a beautiful poem!
Oooo…how special! These words, in verse, are a poetic tribute to folks showing up! Thank you so much for sharing with me and our community, Camilla. I’m sending you big hugs because I’m sure your grief might still sneak in. xo
Yes, thank you Robyn, for your hugs, grief does sneak in from time to time; after 55 years of marriage, my husband’s death has left a void. But I choose to think on the positives, like how cold he would have felt last winter, so for his sake I was able to feel glad he missed that. And he had had enough of suffering, I couldn’t wish to keep him longer for that. God chose exactly the right time for him to go, and we both understood that. Praise God.
Yes – thank you, Robyn for your hugs, After 55 years of marriage my husband’s death has left a void, But I choose to think on the positives, like how cold he would have felt last winter, so for his sake I was able to feel glad he missed that. And he had had enough of suffering, I couldn’t wish to keep him longer for that. God chose exactly the right time for him to go, and we both understood that. Praise God. God bless you, Camilla
As a military wife and one walking through loss on an intimate level here today… THIS is so comforting. Of all the things I need right now, I need most for people to show up. Thankfully, God’s providing those people in this new town. Slowly, but surely, community is forming. And I just relate to every word of this. Thank you, Robin!
((((Danita))) Yes, sweet friend, you must still be raw with the newness of it all. I’m so thankful you’re beginning to find your people. Starting over is always tough, and you NEED those real life people! xo
Dear Danita, (just showing up for you today) I pray that ‘ The Light shines in (your) darkness & the darkness has not overcome it’. That God would comfort you in your loss, today & in the future. That you would experience His presence day by day as He leads & guides you. X Ros
So needed, so beautiful! Thank you!
🙂 🙂 🙂
Robin, your post reminds me of when my daughter, Lillian, was having a very serious surgery. It was strange to me that the people who “showed up” were not the ones I expected. At first, I was offended (blush). These were complete strangers – friends of friend of friends. My take away? God will care for me, through His servants, no matter who they are – known, or unknown. I just have to open my eyes and receive. They will always show up as hands and feet of The Most High.
Bonnie, Isn’t that interesting? I love your honesty here, but even more so, your wisdom. Just because you didn’t “see” at first, doesn’t mean you never saw the gift (clearly, you did). Thank you for sharing something that we might’ve missed otherwise. xoxo