I walk down the hallway and stop at number 206. The two and six curve inward, the zero stands firm in the center. Two hundred and six. This number signifies a bit of who I am now.
I slide the large golden key from my hand into the lock and twist it, bumping my hip against the door when it opens. I walk in and stare, silently, at this one-bedroom apartment which has another name now: home.
It’s the first time I’ve moved out of my parents and lived on my own, so suffice it to say, I’m feeling like a pretty big deal. There’s a grey couch I scored from a second-hand website, my currently empty bookshelf, and boxes strewn everywhere.
I take a deep breath and sit on my couch. Ah, my first apartment. This is what I have been waiting for for so long. I went to school, graduated, got a job, made enough money to move out of my parents, packed a moving truck and got an apartment. This is exactly what I’ve wanted.
And still, I can’t help feeling as though there’s something missing here.
I take another deep breath. I wait for the feeling to come. The feeling of being . . . home.
But the longer I wait, the more I realize the feeling isn’t coming.
I do feel at home, in some sense. I don’t miss living at my other house with my parents (sorry, Mom), so it can’t be that. I now live about three minutes from my sister, so I don’t think I’m lonely or feeling far away. I can’t wait to add touches of who I am — paintings and pictures — to the walls in each room. But something’s still missing.
I close my eyes and picture Jesus. This is what I do when I need to get in touch with my own soul, when my heart is frothing and foaming or if it’s simply feeling calm. I close my eyes and see Him.
Doing this almost always makes me cry — I think because I know I am in the presence of a God who died for me, but even more so, because I know I am in the presence of my Friend.
Sometimes in these moments, I’ll hear Jesus speak to me. Sometimes I’ll see a picture form in my head. Other days, I hear and see nothing. But nonetheless, I know I am in His presence.
And this is when I realize it: this is home. Not my apartment, but the presence of Jesus. Wherever I am is turned into home if I am in the presence of Jesus. Or put another way, the presence of Jesus is my home, wherever I might be.
I love this one bedroom apartment. I am grateful to God for His kindness and provision. And I pray anyone who comes through my door leaves feeling peace. But even though Apartment 206 is my home on earth, my real true home is in the presence of Jesus Christ.
Jesus dwells within me, and each and every day, I want to make my home in His presence, until the day where I am truly called home to heaven.
We are all simply trying to find our way back home — and I know that home is not formed by bricks or couches or cul-de-sacs. It’s the presence of Jesus.
On earth and in heaven, He is home for me.
I wipe away my tears and hear a soft whispering along the edges of my heart and soul:
Welcome home, Aliza. Welcome home.
Jesus dwells within me, and each and every day, I want to make my home in His presence. -@alizalatta: Click To Tweet Leave a Comment
Petronela Caroi says
Dear Incourage Team,
I wanted to tell you that you are amazing!
Through everything that you write God speaks to me in such a personal and incredible way and I just want to thank you so much for that.
I hope that Jesus will give you more and more encouraging words to light up and strenghten our souls as women.
I will pray for your ministry as the Holy Spirit will fill you with power, strength and love to do the good works that God has set before you!
You are blessed!
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Welcome home to the place that God has prepared for you! You said it perfectly – our heart’s home is in the presence of Jesus. In this world we are strangers passing through. This world is not our home and therefore, we will always have a “homesickness” for our eternal home. But, God…He gives us Himself, His Son, and guidance from the Holy Spirit to be our constant companions. As long as we hold them close, we will be at home not matter where we roam. Thank you for your wisdom beyond your years!
Beth Williams says
Congratulations on your new apartment. You are right that this world is not our home. Our hearts years for much more. A place of eternal rest in the presence of Jesus. This world is so full of strife & dissension. We were made for something better. We were made for beauty, calm & peace. While we live down here our souls pine & crave for Heaven. We want to be with Jesus & our loved ones who have gone on before. We should hold Jesus & the Holy Spirit close to our hearts then we will never ever be alone. For me this world is becoming to much. I am ready to go be with Jesus when He calls. Tired of all the “garbage” going on down here.
I have come to look forward to reading my nightly read (blogposts on incourage) it’s like checking in with God on what he has to say because each and every time I feel Jesus presence here and I always have a take away message from each visit here. I especially love reading your posts Aliza!! Congratulations on your first apartment! You are so right…home is being in the presence of our saviour Jesus no matter where we are, he meets us!
Michele Morin says
So wonderful, Aliza, to enter your experience of settling into the comfort of our Homemaking God.
Congrats on your new home! Thank you for sharing your amazing insight. I loved reading your thoughts on home.
I myself was raised in a family that moved very frequently, so I often longed for a place to call home. In my early 20’s, the Lord blessed me with a husband with whom I shared more than 33 years of marriage, in which together we raised 4 children. Eventually I came to think of my kind husband as my home. However, about 4 years ago, he passed away after a battle with cancer, and once again I have often found myself again feeling adrift and homeless. (In fact, even this morning I heard my Momma was doing very poorly, which intensified my feelings of loss and homelessness).
Then I read your story, and the words: “my real true home is in the presence of Jesus Christ.” These words were like a balm to my soul. How I needed to hear that with Jesus, I am never homeless. I am home whenever and where ever I am with Jesus. thank you!
congrats on your own place ! that’s a big and wonderful step. my own story 6 years ago relates..my husband and I bought our own home ( a lovely huge house) but when I sat in it I felt alone
.sad..i then realized that I had not welcomed the Holy Spirit to dwell in this place yet. I put on worship music and gave glory to God. instantly felt better and day after day it felt like home..
a friend popped in and randomly said ” I feel such an amount of God’s peace in your home “.
no matter how big or small..owned or rented…once we welcome the Holy Spirit there it feels like home.
May you be blessed , home is wherever as long as we carry his spirit.
This is so truly beautiful. Thank you! <3
Francee Strain says
Happy Housewarming (apartment warming? :))! Praying for you in this new venture. Praying that you will shine His light and show His love in your new neighborhood.
When my husband and I moved from California to Nevada, I was so excited we were able to afford to rent a house. A home and not a tiny box. I was so happy, for about two days. This place still did not feel like home. I didn’t understand why. This was what I had waited for, a house…even if we were renting.
Once I reconnected with God and Lord Jesus, I felt the peace I was seeking. (I fall away at times, sadly.)
I am glad you found the peace and ‘at home’ feeling you were seeking!