Ticcoa Leister
About the Author

Ticcoa is a Carolina girl transplanted to Texas. An introvert who survived her Worst Best Year on a 23,461-mile road trip with an extrovert, she writes with the hope that her story of owning her brave and learning to live in her own skin will inspire others.

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& you will too!
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Reader Interactions


  1. Ticcoa,
    I’m so sorry for the loss of your sister and I lift you up in prayer as you continue to grieve her loss and what “should have been.” Jacob did wrestle with God. It wasn’t a little tussle, but a full out wrestling match. The way God blessed him is to give him the name Israel, which means “wrestled with God”. How appropriate for the nation Israel that wrestled with God throughout the entire Old Testament. The beauty is that God never gave up on them, nor did He turn His back. When we are grieving, and I know the grief of unmet expectations and grieving what should be, but isn’t, God meets us right there in the crucible of our sadness. It has been in the seasons that I have been the most honest with God (I’ve shaken my fist a few times), that He has drawn near to comfort me. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and laid out before Him, enables Him to truly give us the peace that passes understanding. So long as we try to handle it on our own, grace stays at bay, but when we open up and call on His name, He comes swiftly to our side and covers us with His wings. Beautiful post filled with truth!
    Bev xx

  2. This is SO GOOD, Ticcoa! I’m sorry it came through an immensely painful event, yet I’m grateful for your powerful words.

    Thank you for sharing you hard, hard story. I imagine writing it brought up a lot of feelings as well. I can’t imagine this depth of grief yet, but I know many others and appreciate your reminder that no grief is small. Every one impacts us.

    Blessings to you as you continue the journey of healing and growth, friend.

  3. Just what I needed to hear today. I have been very ill and having a hard time adjusting my vision of what I am capable of and the limitations my health has placed on m. It to is a grieving process. I have cried, complained to Him and find it hard to hold on sometimes. Its great to know He never lets go of me. Prayers for your continued journey.

  4. My dad died suddenly right before my eyes after minor surgery ten years ago. The grief that first year just about swallowed me whole. But God is still good and that story is a part of me, not the defining part of me; a scar that has faded with the passage of time. A grief scar that still can bring tears to my eyes for what should have been but more often now brings smiles remembering what was. It is hands-down the event that has made me most compassionate toward others.

    • “A grief scar that still can bring tears to my eyes for what should have been but more often now brings smiles remembering what was.” Yes.

      Thanks for sharing, Dee.

  5. I recently lost my only child on December 2nd a day before his 25th birthday. His fiancée and 2 kids found him. Today, April 6th, was the day they were to marry and I have been having an even harder time of it. Reading your story has hit home. I’m not ready for my goodbye yet but now know it will be alright when I am knowing that I have God with me. Thank you

    • Annmarie, I can’t imagine what it was like to lose your only child..and especially at such a young age! I pray that God’s band of angels surround you always and hold you tight when the tears and sadness come again and again…I just also know that despite all the sadness and maybe even some anger, your still have the Heavenly Father who will be by your side and give you that comfort which you need so badly!!… And I also pray that as time passes, the Holy Spirit will enter your heart and mind and give you the peace which the world cannot give!!…My sympathy to you and your family!!.

    • Oh, Annmarie. I’m so sorry. You’ll know when you’re ready to say goodbye. Until them, give yourself full grace to grieve in the way you need to. Thanks for sharing your heart.

    • Annmarie,

      So sorry sweet sister for the loss of your only child so young. Praying for you as you grieve this hard, tough loss. May God’s peace & comfort come over you to calm your weary, upset soul. Know that God completely understands how you feel. Go ahead grieve, tell God how you feel & let those tears fall. May you know that God’s angels are there waiting to help you through this time. Your Heavenly Father loves you so much that He is willing to wait for you to say goodbye. When the time comes & you are ready say goodbye to your son-just know that it won’t be forever. Some day you will see him again in Heaven.

      Blessings 🙂

  6. My mom passed away almost 4 weeks ago. It still hurts everyday!! She was my best friend!! I could go to her with everything!! I know she’s in a better place, but I still miss her every day!!

  7. Thank you Ticcoa for this post to remind me that I have not yet said goodby and turned her loose. But I’ve made a vow to work toward this goal. I love all of my grands and pray for each one daily. I don’t intend to forget her but to turn her loose until we meet again. Love you.

  8. As I read your life story I am truly sorry for your loss. I know this feeling and grieve for those in my life that are no longer here and also for those who are still here. I grieve over the loss of 2 unborn babies, the loss of my Dad, and for those that are here (my Mom who is in the first stages of dementia, my close friend who is so lost, my daughter who I have no relationship with and my husband who went outside the marriage). I am stronger today then I have ever been, yet satan knows our weakness and tries to remind us of them. When I want to give up God whispers in my ear “I’ve Got this’ trust in Me”. It’s so hard to let go. God has placed a couple of people that pray, encourage and support me and I am truly thankful. SO important to have support. I am trying to trust God in what He is going to do with all these relationships as I continue in my lifes journey and rest in Him. I love reading Incourage and the women who are brave enough to share as it give me hope that I am not alone.

    • Thank you for sharing, Barb. It so important to have friends we can trust and the support of our communities as we grieve our losses. We need each other’s stories to know we aren’t alone.

  9. Thank you everyone for sharing. I too am grieving the loss of a marriage. It has been 12 years! We have 2 kids (15&12). God has told me many times He will restore this marriage. My ex says he doesn’t feel God telling him that. I believe my ex is blocking things God wants because of sin. My ex is rude to me. I never thought to write a goodbye letter for the way it was (we were not Christians when we were marrried). Both of us became Christians after. I believe 100% that restoration is God’s will. Knowing that now we are both Christians & could have a Christian marriage if my ex, Scott, would surrender to God. To me that’s another thing to grieve bc he is not surrendering.

  10. Ticcoa,
    I am deeply sorry for your loss, thank-you for sharing with us.
    I hope that you all have a blessed day,

  11. I would like to say that I am sorry for your loss and the loss that so many have written about on this page.
    I too have lost…my mother two years ago, and my father 2 months ago….almost to the day my mom died. My grief is still overwhelming and I struggle everyday to go forward. I only hope I can keep moving forward. It is a very difficult season that feels like it may never end.
    Thank you for your story of hope..

  12. Grief is the unwelcome guest that comes to every door. But guys. Look at this way God is with you comforting you. Some take longer to get over grief. Especially if happens suddenly or if someone goes into Hospital you expect them to be made well again they don’t get well. I learned this it helps alot. You might not for what ever age the person was. Have not got them on this earth any more. You will see them in Glory with Jesus. With bran new bodies. No more sickness or suffering one day. When you go Glory. I like to sing that song When we all get to Glory what a day of rejoying that will be. I froget the rest of the words you get it on youtube. Plus Jesus will heal you of pain when ready to say goodbye. You will always have good memories and photographs to look if not strong enough now to look at of times together. I know people who have fell out with family made up after 31 years. As I prayed God does answer prayers. God will heal. You greif. When ready it is nice to talk about them if that good memories of them. Laugh at the good times. It helps. Dawn Ferguson-Little. Xxx

  13. Hi Ticcoa! I am sorry for the loss of your sister but thank you so much for this devotion. Yesterday I attended a retreat, ironically the same day this email came, and this topic was one of the sessions (Kathy Troccoli was there too). The speaker talked about her season of loss and how she was said goodbye. She shared a title of a book, “Pray Your Goodbyes”. And then she had us write on a card what we needed to say goodbye to and bring it up and lay it at the cross. May God heal your brokenness, and may He fill you with His comfort and peace.

  14. Ticcoa,

    So sorry for the loss of your beloved sister. This is a timely post for many. Down here in the messy middle between two Edens we will experience losses of various kinds. Life isn’t fair & God never promised us a rose garden easy life. Jesus Himself experienced loss of a beloved friend Lazarus. He grieved with the family. He truly understands your emotions. Go ahead & tell Him how you feel-yell, scream, cry. He will take those emotions & send His Holy Spirit to comfort & calm your troubled, weary soul. I know I lived it. A few years ago my dad’s dementia was so severe he was hospitalized (psych). During that month I cried out to God several times to take him home. I couldn’t bear seeing him like that. God had other plans & healed him for a time. As Christians we feel we must be “perfect” all the time. Emily P. Freeman in her book Grace for the Good Girl states that “we need to take off our masks & be real”. Let others in on your grief. Allow us to carry your burdens with you. Let us encourage & comfort you during you trials. We were made for community & are here to help you grieve.

    Blessings 🙂

  15. Well said, Ticcoa and the rest of you. Thank you for sharing your struggles and triumphs and for this safe place to share. I am 1 year out from the loss of my son to cancer. All other losses in my life pale in comparison to this loss. My heart is broken and all the head talk about him being in a better place, in Jesus’ arms is just talk. I look forward to the day when my heart will not feel like this when I think of him but rather just remember those good memories others have mentioned and the grief and emptiness will not overwhelm me any more. I Hope it will be soon. Tired of crying.

  16. This entry is both sad and uplifting. The way you manage the written word is so amazing. Even with the religious stuff mixed in, I still enjoy reading your words.