I sat on my garage floor and looked through boxes from my parents’ attic. The kind of boxes disintegrating from age, filled with files of my schoolwork since preschool, homemade gifts, school valentines, and stories I wrote.
My parents downsized, so everything my mom saved and couldn’t part with became my responsibility. Part of me wanted to toss them without looking inside. I didn’t know what was in them for the last thirty years, so why did I need to even peek? I put it off for months.
Eventually my husband pointed to the fact that I had put it off for almost a year, and I got the gumption to tackle it.
I read my elementary report cards and was surprised at what I found. I thought I was bad at math, but according to my report cards, I wasn’t. I looked through yearly questionnaires and saw a pattern of always wanting to create and draw and become an artist. I forgot how much I loved to color. I had flashbacks of second grade Thanksgiving feasts with homemade butter and third grade Valentine’s Day parties with young love. I remembered what a wonderful childhood I had and was thankful for the reminder.
I had just been complaining earlier in the week about how I felt I’d been called to be tougher or to persevere or to charge the hill more than other women. Maybe this was only my perception, but it felt real to me. For some reason God endowed me with vision, and that’s not an easy role to have. Usually, prophets are kicked out of town, stoned, or worse, and they’re definitely not listened to.
At our church service that same weekend, during one of the worship songs, I closed my eyes to sing to Jesus. As I did, I could see His face.
I was in the throne room of heaven and face to face with my Savior. I felt the Lord call me to the courage He had already given me, to embrace the role as a bold leader. He told me to quit fighting my place, my responsibility as a leader, out of worry that it might be misunderstood or awkward for others. He told me to quit apologizing for the way He made me and reminded me I had always been a tenderhearted, courageous leader because He had made me that way.
Some of the treasures I saw in my garage earlier proved that. He brought to mind specific instances in my life, like my life flashing before me.
God used those flashbacks to make His case to me and to let the lies I had believed die.
Instead, I believed Him. I opened myself up to who He made me to be — a woman of great courage. I knelt before the throne and Jesus commissioned me, like in a ceremony for knighthood. When I stood up, I held my chest high sword and felt the warmth of His radiant love.
The prayer from the stage ended, and I was brought back to the present dimension. I was so much happier and ready to unashamedly live in the courageous spirit the Lord had entrusted to me, knowing I was to lead for Him, be a tender Word warrior, and bravely follow the Spirit’s leading.
I never thought of courage as a spiritual gift before, but now I see how courage can only be a gift coming from the Holy Spirit when I’m living in Jesus.
What gift has the Holy Spirit given you that you haven’t fully embraced? How is Jesus calling you to use it? Will you let down your concerns and be the Spirit-filled woman Jesus deeply desires for you?
Let's live unashamedly in the courageous spirit the Lord had entrusted to us! - Stephanie Bryant: Click To Tweet Leave a Comment
Stephanie,
Though my father was a great dad, I very vividly remember him telling me to “stop wearing my heart on my sleeve and toughen up.” For this ultra-sensitive young girl who felt things so deeply and cried easily, he might as well have said, “Go climb Mt. Everest.” I’ve had friends tell me that I “think way too much.” I’ve grappled for a long time with these being “bad” things. I always felt that I needed to have a tougher exterior and to let insults roll off me like water off a duck’s back, but that’s not how God created me. He gave me the gift of vision (all that thinking) and He also gave me these deep feelings so that I could have the compassion to actually feel others’ pain – to relate to them in the heat of their struggles. I don’t think I would have had the love and passion to start a school for orphans in a terror-ridden country had I not been that girl who wore her heart on her sleeve and was pretty tender inside. God designed me this way for a reason, and even though it’s sometimes hard being me, I am coming to realize – much like you realized – that God was “knighting” me for a mission. May we ALL embrace how we are made and ask God how He can use the awesome women He’s created. Loved this!
Blessings,
Bev xx
This sounds just like my daddy speaking to me. I was very tender hearted and it translated to others as being easy to get over on. Little did they know, it only took being nice and asking. This same “me” as a child, followed me into marriage. I became a punching bag, verbally abused. He was adulterous. Finally, I took a leap of faith and left.
Charlene,
Our paths sound very similar. When you are a sensitive and kind person, others sometimes take that as an invitation to walk all over you. Good for you for having the dignity and realization of your worthiness to get out of an abusive marriage. God doesn’t want that for His girls. I have a saying or “motto” for people like us….”No more being a doormat!” If it’s any encouragement, after being in a situation much like yours, I’ve now been married to a wonderful God-fearing man who cherishes me and loves me for who I am. You are God’s treasure. Don’t settle for a tootsie roll when God wants a Godiva bar for you sweet sister.
Blessings,
Bev xx
We seem doomed to de-value the gifts we’ve been given, and even to see them as a burden rather than a custom-made tool belt. I’ve been spouting some pretty negative thoughts recently about my own role in the Body–Wouldn’t it be fun and cozy to be a big toe, tucked snugly inside a fluffy sock? Thanks, Stephanie, for embracing your visible and vocal role. Even this is an encouragement to others!
So beautifully written, what I am feeling!
Blessings.
I think you wrote this for me:) thank you for the encouragement this morning…it was well timed!
Thank You so much for this reminder! I love how He works it all out so beautiful and leaves nothing to chance. How He sends reminders and places people in our lives to reaffirm that gift. I’ve always been labeled as troublesome, rebellious, sometimes naive or too forgiving. Recently God has been showing me how my courage to speak up against injustices, expressing myself, being gracious, loving and kind, giving others the benefit of the doubt or even empathy, how these are not weaknesses. He made me who I am. It was all part of His great plan and purpose for my life and I was born for such a time as this!
This really blessed me!
Stephanie,
This morning after I received some not so happy news I read this. Thank-you for so wonderfully piecing together these words. I believe trying to be where, and when I’m needed, doing what I’m needed, is part of what God has gifted me to do.
Have a blessed day all,
Penny
He will never lead us wrong, so it is His voice we need to hear and His face we see when we close our eyes, keeping our focus on Him allows us to use our gifts, still hoping to be a writer and not a blogger only though that is a bless. Happy Thanksgiving!
My God is blessing all. I needed yo hear this thank you.
Stephanie,
I have always been a “softie/emotional” person. Guess it comes from being the youngest in family. Being this way has helped me to be there for my elderly parents. It was I who took care of them & sacrificed for them. This person also has compassion & is ready to help any one in need. If your sick or have family in hospital then I want to cook meal for you. This mindset has also had setbacks. I can easily hear “dumb, stupid, not enough”. I don’t have a “career” or great job. I tend to get upset easily. But also God has allowed me to show my hubby what great love is. What it meas to sacrifice for others. I have helped him with his aging parents. Last Thanksgiving I spent most of the week either in hospital or checking on his parents. I have cooked meals & gathered food for them. Others don’t see us as strong capable people due to our emotions. We can be tough as nails at times. & organized enough to get jobs done. God made each of us uniquely different & for that I am glad. It would be a boring world if all were the same.
Blessings 🙂
Your words are so well timed for me. Thank you for being a woman of valor. The body of Christ needs to value this. Today I will be thankful for who He made me to be.
We sometimes think that in order to be strong we must also be rough and tough. Not so – we can be tender and kind and compassionate through strength. It is strong to be passionate about our soft side, the side that takes on evil by invoking the name of Jesus when confronted by that evil. It is strong to weep with a friend who is experiencing loss. It is strong to reach out to a stranger when we witness a need or an injustice. So let us celebrate our soft side through the strength of being God’s chosen vessels knowing He goes before us and making the way clear. Let us not forget that we are surrounded by angels on chariots of Fire keeping the enemy at bay.