Setting priorities can be difficult sometimes. To-do lists scream at us, and our quandary is which task we should tackle first.
I was a Martha with a large dose of perfectionism, but a defective heart valve limited my energy. I wanted everything “just so,” and frequently felt overwhelmed by my to-do list. I really wanted our home to be a place of ministry, but every time it was our turn to host our small Bible Study group, I’d become frantic trying to get everything just perfect. I called it a “house attack.” I’m sure I drove my poor husband and son crazy in my panicked state.
But then one day I came across 2 Timothy 2:4, which says:
No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him.
I realized I was allowing myself to get entangled in the civilian pursuit of trying to make my house look picture perfect instead of making my home a place where God’s presence was seen and felt. I needed to keep the main thing the main thing, and to let the other stuff take a back seat.
I also realized that our adversary was pushing my buttons to hinder what God wanted to do in my home if I just relaxed. He’d been pointing out every imperfection to me, making even small things seem large. As we say down South, I “got a good mad on,” and determined I wasn’t going to let him stand in my way anymore.
At first, when I had people over and things weren’t perfect, I felt extremely nervous. But I pressed through it, and much to my amazement, I didn’t die. No one criticized me or seemed to even notice the perpetual, large “dust lions” under the hall tree (our cat sheds a lot and hates to be brushed). At some point I came to the point of “love me, love my dust lions.”
One evening, a lady in our small group commented, “Your house feels warm,” and she wasn’t talking about the temperature. She meant warm as in inviting, relaxing, comfortable. To know that someone considered my home a safe place, even though it wasn’t perfect, made my heart sing. That is what I really wanted.
God let me see this truth before my heart began to narrow (again), and I had even less energy. I continued learning to let go of perfection. I learned to look at things through the lens of, “Will this matter in a hundred years?” I confess I still struggle with this issue, but not nearly as much as I used to. God is changing me from the inside out because I’m choosing to let Him make His Word come alive in my heart and mind.
Am I saying to keep a dirty house? Be lazy? Not at all. What I am saying is that we shouldn’t let the mundane things distract us from the path that God has for us.
His opinion is the only one that really counts.
Martha, Jesus’ friend from Bethany, was busy trying to take care of a houseful of people and was frustrated that her sister Mary had left her alone with the job. She asked Jesus to tell Mary to help with the housework.
But the Lord answered her, ‘Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.’ (Luke 10:41-42)
It wasn’t wrong for Martha to want to take care of her guests, but there were higher priorities for Martha’s attention. The next time Martha was hosting a crowd (John 12), she appears to be much less stressed. She seems to have changed. I wonder if she sat down beside Mary and enjoyed the fleeting remaining time she had with Jesus before His crucifixion.
God’s Word spoke abundant life, joy, and freedom into me. He’ll meet you as He met me and will do the same for you if you let Him.
A note from (in)courage:
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Thanks, Cyndi, for this “Martha-intervention” and for the reminder that spending time with Jesus is the ultimate sifter of my priorities.
Blessings to you.
Cyndi,
I can relate to your perfection driven standards for hosting others in your home. That used to be me. I should have known when every time I got out the vacuum cleaner and went around frantically suctioning dog hair, my kids would ask, “Who’s coming over?” They KNEW that mom going into a cleaning frenzy meant someone was coming. I realize now that I was sending the wrong message to my kids. Now, yes I will tidy up, but I don’t get overly consumed with dog hair tumbleweeds or a slight layer of dust. In fact, now I jokingly say, “Come in, sign your initials in the dust on my coffee table, and let me pour you a cup of coffee.” I’ve learned that when my focus is on the one who is coming and not on me and my house….the pile of magazines, or the dust bunnies fade into the woodwork. Great reminder this am!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Amen!
Oh Bev, this reminds me of the advice my mother gave me when I was just married! She said to leave the vacuum in the living room and folks will just assume that I was in the process of cleaning. The truth being that I didn’t have to worry about the looks of the house, just the hospitality that God gives for me to serve and love others. That was over 50 years ago and truly I have been blessed by God and my Mom to be more of a Mary than a Martha in my home. So thank you Cindi and thank you Bev for bringing me this memory.
Blessings to all my sisters at a distance, ~ Kay
Kay,
I love this lol. I remember my mom vacuuming just enough so that you could see the “fresh” vacuum marks on the rug. Oh the things we do for appearance sake. Joining with you in being more of a Mary than a Martha.
Bev 🙂
Yes! This was me until I had my second child. Now I have to let certain things go in order to care for our basic needs (food and clean clothes). We had company recently and my husband’s aunt commented that she loved being able to kick her feet up and relax since our home wasn’t a glistening showroom.
Speaks right into my heart today! Thank you! I too, am easily overwhelmed by my house and all the to-do’s. Yesterday I was bemoaning my ‘half-finished life’ where everything just seems half done and never quite all the way done… or when I get it tidied or made or cleaned, within days it just seems undone again. I am a complete “Martha” with a “Mary” heart – wanting to sit at my Master’s feet and never feeling able to settle and ‘still’ myself as there are so many things screaming at me in my brain – the wretched to-do list for instance. Thank you!
Oh boy I know this feeling of running around trying to make my guests/visitors think that I live in a perfect house. My kids tell me that I can clean better in 10 minutes before guest arrive than in a days worth. I am definitely a Martha and had missed out numerous opportunity to connect with others. Today I will be cleaning up a storm due to having my cousin and her husband spend the next 4 days with us. After reading this, I know I must let it go and besides that, she loves me for me and not what my house looks like.. Thank you for sharing. We all must learn to be a Mary in a. Martha driven society..
Maylee, Is there a book by that title? …”A Mary in a Martha-Driven Society”….If not, there’s your next book…:-) Why not start today?
Yep I already read that book several times.. It’s hard to stop working around the clock as if the people around us required us to do so. I bet they would rather us focus on just b big present in the moment.
Agreed.
Grandchildren recently taught me this lesson.
Most days, we just need someone to sincerely listen and personally attend.
Blessings on your journey ~
(And still hoping you’ll write your story some day. 🙂 )
Cyndi, my husband and I were just talking about Mary and Martha on Easter. I have an article on my heart based on Jesus’ phrase “…one thing is necessary.” — Love your testimony of overcoming — and how God gave you the ultimate hospitality-validation of a “warm home” comment. ((hug))
Cyndi, First I have to say I love the “dust lions!” My goodness, they must travel because they’re at my house too! 😉
And I want to thank you. I also struggle with wanting everything to be just right and I usually drive myself crazy and wind up grumpy when others come over…not the welcome mat I want to offer! Thankfully, God is working on me. But it truly helps to know I’m not the only one who gets down right NERVOUS if things are out of order and friends are stopping by. I love how you wrote, “At first, when I had people over and things weren’t perfect, I felt extremely nervous. But I pressed through it, and much to my amazement, I didn’t die.” I’m going to tell myself that very thing tomorrow when our little group meets here tomorrow. That if things aren’t perfect, I’m not going to die! Besides, I want to have the “warm” home like you wrote about. What a blessing to hear that! God bless you and thank you for sharing this post…my nervous and sometimes frantic heart needed to read it!
I love your application of 2 Timothy 2:4! The next time I begin to have a ‘house attack’, I’ll remember this.
I had a woman come in and say she felt peace, she was feeling something I didn’t even realize until later. I want a house of peace.
Cyndi,
I am a Martha also. Want to get things done. I will listen as I walk about getting all the cleaning & cooking done. Yes hospitality isn’t abut a perfect “Martha Stewart” house. It is about being with someone. Friendship is far more important to me than spic & span house. People know you are “real” if you show a few dust lions & bunnies here and there.
Blessings 🙂
I love how God uses difficult situations in life to teach us what we can not see while we are capable. I, too, have been hampered a lot by ill-health and my perfectionist (not my home so much as my organizational ability) has had to be let go. I understand how hard it is to let go. How much He loves us to teach us by challenges. As humans, we only learn in the tough times (wish that wasn’t so, but it is!).
Thank you. As we prepare our home to sell in the next few months, this is so key with me. It’s so hard, because I want the children to be able to play and live their little (and not-so-little anymore – 12yo and 7yo) lives, but I also want the house to be cleaned, painted freshly, decluttered, no dust bunnies, no dog hair, etc. Thank you for sharing what’s truly important.
So much yes! Thank you for this post. I’m a Martha fan and I love how we see the shift in her. Her serving wasn’t the problem but she discovered how to serve from a place of peace instead of striving! #madelikemartha 😉
Wonderful!
I chose to read this today along with one other post on hospitality to which I had kept a tab open on my computer, as we host our church community group in our home this evening.
I definitely tend to be a “Martha” by personality, so I need a constant reminder of what is really important to share with others. Even with no real physical limitations (except that of being middle-aged), I still struggle to keep things orderly and clean the way I ideally wish they were. But I need to remember to not let the mundane things crowd out the things that are important. Interestingly, I had an idea for a post that I was hoping to write today on just that thought.
While I want to keep my home clean and inviting, I realize it is indeed more important to have an open and loving heart towards my guests, and share the love of Christ with them. They seem to feel comfortable and safe, so I guess the imperfections don’t really matter.
Thanks for the reminder.