About the Author

Denise is a lover of words and the Word. She's the author of #DeeperWaters and the Bible study series #WordWriters.

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  1. Denise,
    I wholeheartedly agree. I have a couple friends with whom I can check off many of the boxes you described, but rarely is their a one size fits all. I am made in the image of my Creator – multi dimensional – so it only makes sense that I would have different friends that gel more with certain aspects of my unique personality. I’ve also lived 57 years and there are friends who have been friends for a lifetime and those who have come and gone in different seasons of my life. My life, however, has been made so much richer by them all. Each has left a stamp on my life that makes me more the person that I am….those that coaxed out the creative writer side of me….those that understood being very sensitive and emotional….those that were brave enough to speak truth when I needed to hear it….those who were good at listening and offering comfort….those from different cultures and nationalities that took me outside my bubble and limited way of thinking. I’m so thankful that one size doesn’t fit all. Thank you for reminding me of my blessings in these friendships.
    Blessings to you,
    Bev xx

    • I so relate to this article. Now that I am a Senior citizen and 65 years old I am enjoying the many friendships that come in all different sizes and shapes. Thankful God gave me all these many friends to share the different and amazing things in life with. It was so stressful in my younger days looking for that special.friend. God is good to of shown me how many friendships are a gift from him!

      Blessings to all others to see the gifts in each and every friend you have.
      Janet

      • Janet, I am SO GLAD you commented here in this space. You have a beautiful perspective to offer us all. And I so agree with you…that it was, indeed, stressful in our younger days to look for that “special friend.” God is so good to bless us with many different kinds of friendships.

        Grateful,
        Denise

    • Bev, I love this >> “Each [friend] has left a stamp on my life that makes me more the person that I am…”

      What a wonderful image, of each friend leaving their own unique, God-given fingerprints on our hearts and lives. Amen!

  2. What an enouragement! I too, never had a sister. I had hoped for sister-in-laws to be close with, but one lives 10 hours away and the other I am not emotionally close with. I have been blessed with a husband, who is truly my best friend, but find myself still longing for that one best girlfriend. This devo helped me see that I do have several close friends and don’t need to have just one bff.

  3. Thank you for your post, it gives perspective. I have sisters although they do not live close. But it is the same. Each sister is close in a different way but not one size fit all. Right now I am in the process of finding friends in this place I live.
    God bless 🙂

    • Oh, Thea, I so hear you. In every place I have lived (and I’ve lived in a number of different cities over the years), I have tried to be intentional to invest in a few women in each place I lived. And God has always been faithful to bring at least one or two beautiful women into my life — at every job, and in every church. 🙂

  4. Amen! This is SO true and really blessed me this morning as the loss of a “seasonal” friend weighs heavily on me. Thank you for this.

    • Same here. I was hurt when my friend from long ago stopped communicating with me but this helped me come to realize that , yes, there are friends just for a time in our lives and it’s normal

      • Oh, Maureen, what you have described sounds so familiar. I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this recently. It hurts. I know. And sometimes it makes me want to give up on the whole girlfriend thing, but then there are other friends, who remind me that it’s good to keep investing, to keep giving to others. So I keep showing up. 🙂

    • You’re not alone in mourning the loss of a seasonal friend. I had to let go of the same friend twice and it’s been really hard this second time around – but I want to appreciate the friendships God has given me in the midst of that – the ones that have grown stronger and a new one that is slowing blooming. But it’s hard when you had someone who was there and isn’t there and you can’t just share things anymore.

      • Yep. I hear you, Julia. It’s so, so true. It’s hard when that friend you once counted on is no longer there. It leaves a void. I know. Thankfully, we serve a God who is the best at filling voids. We can look to Him to be our truest, faithful friend. 🙂

    • Lisa, I’m so sorry you’re going through the loss of a seasonal friend right now. My heart has been heavy, too, as I’ve been grieving the loss of a seasonal friend, who I had hoped would become a true, lifelong friend.

      xo

      Denise

  5. Thank you Denise!
    Following my morning prayer and Bible study this week I have been reading, reflecting, and working on the P31 online study of “Why Her?” Just yesterday my comment on the blog splot was my “why her” that I am seeking a friend in my new retirement home in the hill country of Texas. This morning after my prayer and study I read Maria Shriver’s Sunday Newspaper and headline story on “belonging.” Very powerful and encouraging and “I do belong.” My next read was the (in) courage email with your article on friendship. This, too seems to be written just for me and is very encuraging and uplifting. I will have a great day now being reminded that I do belong and I do have friends. My friends are from all walks of life, all ages of maturity, and each with a special connection to me. This is truly an example of God speaking to me through the voice of others and my circumstances.
    Thank you for this blessing!

    • Pam, thank you so much for sharing. It can’t be easy to find yourself in a new home, surrounded by a new community. I love that you’re reaching out and reading widely. And most of all, I love that you’re allowing God to speak to you through others and through your circumstances. He is so very good. 🙂

  6. Denise,

    I have a special friend whom I share most of life with. We got really close in 2014 when both of us went through aging parents. We would call & check on each other. Since then we share everything. Nothing is sacred between us. I love that. Two other friends just make me laugh. They are witty & funny. Just what I need when life is bringing me down. No there is no one size fits all friend. In my 53 years of life God has blessed me with a plethora assortment of friends. I have a group of x-coworkers who try to get together once a month & catch up on life. We pray for each other. Life is so much richer with the variety of friendships we enjoy. God says we all belong to the family God so let’s just love on each other & enjoy our various friendships.

    Blessings 🙂

    • Beth, I love the many different kinds of friendships you described, especially the friends who are great at making you laugh. We all need more of that in our lives. A little levity. A little fun. Amen, sister!

  7. Hi Denise,

    Thanks so much for sharing your heart on this. I had a lonely morning today at church–we are relatively new there and I often sit by myself (my husband works there, so he can’t attend the morning service). It’s on the days that I feel the most lonely that God sends me a reminder that I’m not really alone (ex. a wave from across the room, a kind side-hug with an acquaintance, or an unexpected phone call from my sister). Plus, in church we are surrounded by our spiritual family members! Please pray for me as I continue to journey through this special awkward time.

  8. Oh Denise, thank you for this article.
    In one season of my life, I had what I thought was my “one-size-fits-all kind of best friend.” We did everything together, and I was closer to her than I was with my own sisters. Yet, as Jesus drew me closer to him, I found that she and I were growing apart. It was so hard for me to let go of that relationship with her, but I knew I had to be true to who God made me to be. I really have grieved the ending of that relationship, but have found that God has been so faithful to, over time, provide me with several different friends, each with their own purpose. Thank you for drawing attention to the beauty that can come from a variety of friends, each with their own purpose and season. Thank you for the reminder to just stop and enjoy the people that we DO have around us and for the encouragement that I don’t need to replace that “one-size-fits-all” friend. I so appreciate your perspective. Thank you.

    • Sarah, thank you for sharing a little bit of your story here in this space. I don’t think you’re alone. There have been times when I *thought* I had found that one-size-fits-all friend, only to realize differently later. And it hurts. But there is so much beauty just waiting for us in the friendships of many. God is so good to bring many different people into our lives. 🙂

      • I love your perspective…there is so much beauty in the friendships of many. I never thought of it that way, but you are so right. Sometimes it’s hard letting go of something without knowing what the next thing is…and perhaps that is the next thing all these years later…enjoying the friendships of many without expecting them to be everything all in one. There really is such freedom in that perspective.

  9. Denise I love this. I too have felt that ache for a BFF and side kick and realize I have many precious friendships I shouldn’t negate or undervalue because they are all things at all times.
    It was lovely to hang with you this weekend and get to know you more.

  10. Denise,
    Your thoughtful post had me thinking of the friends I have/am blessed with. Thank-you for sharing with us.
    Blessings to all,
    Penny

  11. Denise, thanks for this encouragement to live eyes-wide-open to the unique and beautiful gifts around us wrapped up in all different types of friends. xx

  12. This is such a lovely and thoughtful post about a subject near and dear to a woman’s heart! We’re all looking for that special someone who will check all the boxes of friendship. But maybe that isn’t God’s plan for us. I love the way you shine a light on the importance of the different friendships we have. I’ve noticed how God has brought friends into my life for a reason and sometimes He has taken them out of my life too. It’s always sad to see them go, but I know God always has our best interest in mind. I pray that we will enjoy the amazing and wonderful friends that God brings into our lives and that we will cherish each of them for their uniqueness! May God bless each of you!

    • Connie, I love how you put that…”We’re all looking for that special someone who will check all the boxes of friendship.”

      Check all the boxes of friendship. Yep, I’ve certainly tried to check those boxes, only to find that I can’t even check all the boxes when it comes to myself. 🙂 None of us are meant to be someone else’s “everything.” Because only God can be our “everything.”

      🙂

      • Thank you so much for that self reflection, Denise. I completely agree, God is the only One who can be our everything. May He bless you greatly! 🙂

  13. Thanks, Denise, for this perspective. Our friendships are truly multi-faceted and one thing is for sure…some are but for a season. I’ve learned that one and now as I get older and as my children experience seasonal friends, fair-weather friends, I am more inclined to accept that as part of the cycle of life.