About the Author

Deidra is a national speaker and the author of Every Little Thing: Making a World of Difference Right Where You Are, and One: Unity in a Divided World. Follow Deidra on Instagram @deidrariggs

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  1. Deidra,
    I think the best verse for me is Mark 12:31 – “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.” For me, the second part of the greatest commandment calls me to love others with a love that equals or surpasses my love of self. It calls for sacrifice and putting others needs before my own. We are all selfish creatures, so to love others as we love ourselves can be a real challenge…but that’s what the best friendships do – they sacrifice for each other. Good stuff here this am.!
    Blessings,
    Bev

  2. I’m partial to the kind of friendship in which “iron sharpens iron.” So many of my friends are nearly polar opposites of me, so we help one another in our weaknesses and cheer one another on in our strengths. Your words are making me realize what a blessings I have. Thanks, Deidra.

  3. I had 2 girlfriends who I had a vow like that with. Our daughters were best friends too. Unfortunately, our daughters had some difficulties and my daughter was being excluded and judged not just by her friends but by their mothers (my friends) as well. As a result I too was subtly being excluded and I asked the question “have I done something?”. The response I received was that if our girls can’t be friends then we can’t be friends either. These are Christian women and it has been almost 2 years since we have stopped being friends. I have been deeply hurt and fight daily to not become bitter. I had hoped that over time we would be able to resolve our disagreement and reunite our souls but unfortunately that has not happened. my question is this, do I approach them again in love or just move on?

    • Move on with kindness and openness to new friendships in your heart. There are so many good Godly people out there, in my opinion its best to not focus on the past and hurts and people who may not be on the same maturity or same level playing field as you are as far as forgiveness. Pray for these people and be kind when the opportunity arises, but sounds like it’s time to move on. Sounds like there are other factors at play here you may not be aware of. Hurt often helps us grow. I had a similar situation at a church with some women I thought were my friends, but were not. It hurt me and my husband deeply, but we moved on in faith and love and now I’m much happier and more careful with my true friendships.

    • Lori,

      You can try talking to them again. I would simply pray and move on. God will send other friends your way.

      Blessings 🙂

    • Hi, Lori!

      I saw your question earlier today, but I was on the road and couldn’t reply right away. I really wanted to respond to you, because I’ve been right where you are, sister. It was not fun! I’m sorry you’re having this experience. It is perfectly fine to release those friendships to God, with open hands. Be sure to grieve the friendships you thought you would have with those women, though. Share your disappointment and sadness with God, letting him know just how much it pains you to let that friendship go. Best of all, rest assured in the confidence that God is an expert at bringing new life from the worst experiences. He may not restore the friendship you’re grieving (although, he definitely is able!), but he might replace that friendship with one he is uniquely crafting for you, even now. I have every confidence God will bring you to the other side of this experience without holding grudges or harboring ill will toward these women.

  4. Wonderful article Diedra! I have a best friend tha t God gave to me 26 years ago. She has taught me what peace is, how to allow myself to be vulnerable and free to seek emotional intimacy and we have seen one another through some very very difficult valleys. I truly do not know where or who I would be without her! My friendship with her has enriched ( and I believe at a couple of points perhaps even sustained) my marriage, made me a better mom and taught me so much about who and Whose I am!! We vowed friendship to one another a long time ago and those covenants, like any should, have kept us committed and connected during the ups and downs in our friendship Thank you for reminding us of how important intimate friendship is in our lives.

  5. Deidra,

    I am actually leading an online study on David right now, and we will be spending a week talking about friendship…. so I am saving this post to share with the girls. Thanks so much! This was right on time for me.

    I love the covenant ideas that you’ve shared here. Lasting friendships require work and commitment, but the payoff is so worth it.

    Recently, I asked my Bible study gals to share about a friendship that was meaningful and lasting in their lives in preparation for the start of our study on David. I was kind of shocked to discover that there are a lot of women in my group don’t currently have this type of relationship with another woman, and it hurts my heart so much for them. I’m praying that your words here along with the Bible study will start to stir up something new.

    You are blessing!
    xo

    Lyli

  6. Trying g to up load my picture and it keeps saying: error forbidden. …please help. Thanks ♡

  7. Thank you so much for sharing this. That phrase “I am a person who __” is so wonderful. When we choose something there is nothing negative to undermine it. I can see this working in so many areas of my life – just a change in attitude. So often with friends we take too much personally and strife enters in. “I am a person that is not easily offended” can go a long way. “I am a person that does not take all comments personally” can stop issues before they arise. Wow. This will have me “filling in the blank” for a long time.

    • It’s amazing how much power our words hold, isn’t it? Making the effort to fill in those blanks has absolutely made a big difference for me!

  8. I love Proverbs 17:17. I am thankful for your friendship, Deidra, even if we don’t see each other a lot or even chat a lot. You are a special friend. 🙂

  9. Deidre,

    Growing up I didn’t have many friends. I was super shy and had hearing problems. Now that I have some good friends I will vow to always treat them as I want to be treated. I try to sharpen them and keep them encouraged on their journey!

    Blessings:)

  10. I shared this post with one of my closest friends! The Lord blessed me freshman year of college with two best friends and now, 13 years later, we have the privilege of still living in the same city, still being best friends. Each of them has built into me and changed me for the better. I know without a doubt that I would not be the person I am today without them! Friends truly are a blessing.

  11. Thank you for this, Deidre. Your words have given me some good things to think about! Having a friendship vow, or even just a promise that I make to myself about how I am going to treat my friends, could be so helpful when the rocky times come and I want to get frustrated with my friend or give up. But having verses to remind me to remain loyal and loving would help to direct me through those times. I will be thinking about verses to pick.

  12. I have struggled with friendships all my life! I long for a close relationship with other women, like the ones described here. I have always struggled with loving myself and that most definitely affects my relationships! I seem to be drawn to people that I somehow think I can “fix”and it always ends badly! I can talk to men with ease but have never felt comfortable with a group of women! I always feel that they have some great secret about connecting, that I never learned. I am in my 60s and really would like some help from you girls. Thanks

  13. Thank you so much for the phrase, “I’m the kind of person who…” This is helping me right now in a relational struggle! I also really appreciate a response you wrote that “some people think too much talk about love waters down the gospel, but I think we’ve watered down our understanding of love.” This encourages me to keep going where I sense God is leading me. Thank you, Deidra!