I grip the counter hard. It’s a white knuckle hold of slippery, grey-speckled imitation granite. The cars whizz by down the hill. This is the neighborhood in Budapest where my family and I have lived for a year and a half. But it is not, yet, home. And I do not know if I can survive until it is home.
Thoughts have begun to enter my mind. It is a journey of seven years, too many moves, and three kids that have brought us here. The calling has remained clear, even after weathering a path of so much hard.
Until now. I have gone so far adrift, I cannot find my place anywhere in this world. And while my heart still beats, hope’s fire wanes. I am in a fierce battle. I know I must learn anew to fight. For even in the deepest darkness, there is a light sewn into my heart of hearts and it will not be overcome.
As I write this now, a little more than a year separates me from the dark place mentioned above. What I share here, I offer humbly. Because the way out is a daily, moment to moment choice, and one I continue to struggle to make. But the hope is real and the God of it bigger and stronger than anything.
To find the way we must overcome two lying thieves: loneliness and isolation.
The first thief, loneliness, when standing face-to-face with truth, is transformed into deeper communion with God. Every lie that says we are alone is rooted in alienation from God that happened long ago with a tragic choice that shattered a perfect world. Loneliness has been a part of every life since, but God again and again speaks something greater.
He speaks it in Deuteronomy 31 and Jeremiah 31 and Psalm 23. Ultimately, He speaks it through the perfect love displayed in His Son. Our trust in this love binds us forever to God in a way that enfolds us in His heartbeat as it becomes ours.
The beauty, my friends, of every bit of loneliness, especially the most intense, is that it drives us to the Source of our hope. Our hope is anchored in God and His promises. As we believe this is our truest reality, we will overcome.
The second thief, isolation, when surrounded by God’s love, becomes the doorway to true community. Isolation is rooted in the same tragedy of long ago. Ever since, every person experiences alienation from others. Yet as we trust the deeper love of God, we find the strength to step into community. And the great gift of living in these days is that true community, home, is just a click away. It’s the click that brought you here today.
A year ago I knew God had given me friends – through blogging and Facebook – who would remain even when I was an ocean away. But I let the lies in and I forgot. I started to think I could mess up face-to-face relationships with too many online ones. I began to believe I would be unfaithful to my cross-cultural calling if I formed friendships with other Americans.
But the truth is true community feeds true community. Every step we take to be ourselves, to love others and let them love us, online or in real life, brings us out of isolation and closer to our real Home.
The lies of loneliness and isolation lose their power. We choose to trust God’s love is as real as He is. We choose to trust His love in others and read that post, listen to that story and open our hearts to the Truth. And, when we are ready, we share ours too. We embrace the God of hope who binds our wounds in the ties of communion and community.
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This is amazing, Abby. We cant live in isolation we need good and Godly friends in our lives.
Thank you for sharing.
http://purposefulandmeaningful.blogspot.com/
But wait. Explain the ties that form between on line men and women as they open up to each other in love.
K.
Thank you Ifeoma. We DO need others and even though we know it, sometimes it is a struggle to remember. Be blessed, surrounded and deeply encouraged today sister 🙂 <3
The section where you said, “For even in the deepest darkness, there is a light sewn into my heart of hearts and it will not be overcome.” spoke courage to my soul. A 32 year old homeschooling mommy of five, moving every two years, husband works more than 50 hours a week… I want to be braver. I want to lean into God so hard that all my thoughts and actions merge into His. Thanks for your words and for striving alongside all of us as we aim to get there together. 🙂
Oh Kay, thank you for your sweet words. It is a gift to be able to encourage you today. Yes, we are in this together…I pray that you always know as greater and stronger that you are not alone.
The Lord bless you and keep you;
25 the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you;
26 the Lord lift up his countenance[a] upon you and give you peace.
{{{{ hugs }}}}
I just had a conversation with my sister about the cunning distraction of “loneliness”. Abby you’ve reminded us of such beautiful Truth for our lives.
“The beauty, my friends, of every bit of loneliness, especially the most intense, is that it drives us to the Source of our hope. Our hope is anchored in God and His promises. As we believe this is our truest reality, we will overcome.”
I’m on this journey day by day, moment by moment. Thanks for sharing Abby. Blessings
Thank you Roz. I hope you know today, in more ways, how we really, truly are never alone 🙂
{{{ hugs }}}
“But the truth is true community feeds true community. Every step we take to be ourselves, to love others and let them love us, online or in real life, brings us out of isolation and closer to our real Home.”
It is difficult to invest in others because it requires opening ourselves up to pour ourselves out. Our insecurities cause us to flinch in the face of true community, but true community with others gives us the greatest glimpse of true community with our Father. Not just to be loved, but to be KNOWN and loved. That’s what I want, even if it is scary and hard. Thanks for sharing, Abby.
I am so with you Courtney. It IS scary, especially if we have been hurt. But, yes, He is bigger, better and holds us as we learn to trust again. {{{ hugs }}}
Courtney,
I think we all have a deep desire to be known and then loved…. Loved regardless of the good, the bad, and the ugly of our lives. In order to reach this spot with someone then both have to be willing to be vulnerable, and willing to let each other see all. It is hard and it takes work but to have friends who know us totally and still love us is a blessing. Sadly for most I think those type of friendships are few. I think as Abby says we need to know as we seek to build these type of relationships that our anchor is in God and not the other person. They don’t need that burden or expectation.
I feel like I’ve just received a hug from you my dear friend – and sister!! ((I needed one this morning!!))
and you’ve delivered. I miss you. Thank you for this simple and oh-so-true reminder…here, today. TO NEVER FORGET!!
Awww…Bevy! I miss you too! Thank YOU for coming over here. You are the real deal, and true community sister 🙂 {{{ hugs }}}
Thank you, Abigail. I have also gone through a time of deep loneliness and feeling worthless. God is so amazing and has shown me in so many ways that I am deeply loved and not alone. My name is actually written on the palms of His hands! Some days are still a struggle when I lose sight of the hope within me. I am giving a talk on Hope this weekend, to a group of women from surrounding communities. Thank you for taking the time to share your story and your hope.
You are welcome Marianne. May the God of Hope fill you with all peace as you embody that beautiful message you will share! Keep doing what you do friend!
The truth is true community feeds true community. Ah, yes.
I read many times here about how people had been burned by community and I didn’t recognize it was happening to me in my neighborhood community. So when I did begin to feel the burning I wasn’t quite unprepared. I still asked the hard question, “why all these believers killing each other?” but carried through by words and friends online, and by Christian friends outside this neighborhood community of Christian families (at various churches). Is it because we are too close? I began to wonder. Is it because of the job our professors do at the college next door? Is it just sinful nature and an opportunity to cave in or to obey God and rise above? I just saw an ad for a new book by Scot McKnight, The Fellowship of Differents that might put a finger on what it’s supposed to be. Here and now. But in the meantime, community of Christians online who are publishing their best selves (maybe I’d be hurt by faith bloggers attacking me just as much except we don’t do that here) held me and kept me from thinking the Christian world was completely whacked!
Turns out I see God at work in my neighborhood and can praise him for seeds of growth!
Yes, Beth, lots of questions about the hard things, especially in Christian community. I can’t begin to understand it without so much gazing at my need and the Gospel that keeps ME close to God. Philippians 2:1-11 always humbles me because infinite God emptied Himself, so I can live this and remain in community. Blessings!
Abby, I work from home and winter’s past have been very difficult for me. Moments of despair and deep sadness, birthed by so much alone time. This past October I participated in The Nester’s “Write 31 Days” – I never knew how ordained this challenge was until I took it. I met an incredible community of like-minded women and we have continued our connection by way of a Facebook “survivors” group – you’ve heard the saying, “Just what the doctor ordered.” Well, this group is exactly what The Doctor, the great Physician, directed me to. It is a life-saving connection and I have not experienced any winter angst whatsoever! xo
Hi Susan! What a great testimony! I experienced something similar this fall/winter in a ‘Free Your Story’ workshop. God truly does want to give us good gifts…it’s beautiful to embrace them and be humbled by His provision. So thankful for what you have found! {{{ hugs }}}
“But the truth is true community feeds true community. Every step we take to be ourselves, to love others and let them love us, online or in real life, brings us out of isolation and closer to our real Home.” This is beautiful and so true. It takes such courage to be vulnerable and be our true selves, yet that’s where the beauty lies– our brokenness meeting the brokenness of others. The lie evaporates and we know we’re not alone. In community we experience more of His love and purpose for us. Thank you for sharing. I am raw and wounded and speaking from a place of deep loss. He is faithful!
Dear Melanie,
Thank YOU for taking the step to comment, reach out, knowing it does take courage. I pray from that light sewn into my heart of hearts right now, for you, to be so deeply assured that you are not alone. I pray Abba Father’s arms wrap you tight and shows His face in other courageous ones who meet you right where you are to mirror His hope. You are so very, very loved. {{{ hugs }}}
This was really good. I moved 4 years ago from where I lived for 54 years. Left family long time friends. To knowing no one got out of church was really feeling all alone. But thank God i have steped out found a good church and I am praying for a Godley friend . I am trying to step out on some new things this year. I just want to acept my new beginnings and be excited about what God is going to do. Thank you God bless you.
That IS a big change, Debra. Praying now for your Godly friend and that God encourages you greatly in both communion with Him and community. Bless you for being faithful to take the steps…
Debra,
Wow huge changes for you this year. Try finding a small group at your church that you can join. Get involved in some activities in your area. These will help you get out and enjoy the beauty of your area, have a little fun and maybe make a few friends.
Prayers that God will shower with a couple Godly friends. Meantime I want to be an on-line friend praying for you!
(((((Hugs))))))
Abby,
You hit the nail on the head with this post! It is so easy, especially for women, to feel alone, lonely and isolated from the world. We have become to busy in this fast paced world of ours to take the time to be “authentic” friends.
It is ok to go online and look at Facebook, or e-mail people. I will send out e-cards, letters/short cards to let people know that they matter. They are not alone in this world.
Blessings 🙂
Thank you Beth! And may God bless and keep you as you live authentically, never becoming weary in this vital work. Jesus sees 🙂 ((( hugs )))
This is spot on for me today. My walk with the Lord has been growing deeper, and my self-worth increasing and my definition of love evolving As these dynamics keep propelling me forward I have realized what unhealthy relationship looks like. This has caused healthy boundaries to be put into place and the response from family and friends has been very mixed and has even led to some long term relationships ending. I am in a season of transitions. I am seeing doors being divinely closed and waiting for the new ones to open. I don’t always know what to do with myself and am quite wounded by the loss. Thank you for identifying and naming the words of isolation and loneliness as lies. I struggle to keep my focus on what I have and not what I am losing, and it is helpful for me to proclaim truths out loud when I am overcome with negative emotions. I have 3 adolescent boys that “like” me, and I have a Heavenly Father that has big plans for me! His grace is sufficient for me.
Have a great day Abby, and thank you for sharing your beautiful heart!
Best,
Lorie
Lorie,
So thankful you could come by and read and that this blesses you. I encourage you to be wrapped tight in Him in all of the hard places as He truly does want to bind your wounds and give you new life.
Love you friend! {{{ HUGS }}}
Wow, that speaks straight to my heart. It wakes me up! I have a lot of praying and decision making to do. Now to get rid of those thieves . . .