Two years ago we spent Christmas with my sister-in-law and family in England. Then we spent the New Year holiday in Northern Ireland with some friends. We explored the countryside, the glens, and the castles near and around Belfast. My birthday happens to fall on New Year’s Eve, and on my birthday we drove up and down the hills, got out now and again to battle the cold wind across the loughs and the Irish Sea, and took pictures in the rain of simultaneous rainbows and brilliant blue skies.
If a day could be magical then this day was. I remember thinking two things:
- I’ve never spent a better birthday, nor will ever spend a better birthday than this.
- Very few things are better than you expect them to be and this day and this place is one of them.
It surprised me because very few things meet our expectations, first, and then there are very few experiences that actually exceed them. For instance, we browse through a brochure from a hotel or a resort, look at those strangely angled photos of one of the hotel rooms or the pool and we tell ourselves that it looks truly amazing. So we book a weekend for our anniversary. And then we get there and, yes, it’s nice, but never does the actual place exceed what we believe it to look like from the photos. It’s just a hotel room with mediocre room service, and it’s just a pool that is much smaller than it looks online.
My youngest brags that for her mom, Christmas begins the day after summer stops. I have to laugh when people act worried that they may be beginning Christmas too early by getting out the tree in November because I’m the type that begins playing Christmas music the day after Labor Day.
For me the holiday season is something I look forward to so much that I like it to encompass all of autumn as well. Almost as much as the kids who are excited for Christmas morning, I look forward to the whole holiday season.
And nearly every year I want it to be “Ireland,” but it turns out to be the random hotel room with the cold pancakes. I pack up the tree after an exhausting 25th and think that Christmas is what it is. It should be the “happiest season of all,” but rarely does it live up to that.
But I’m not sure that it has to be a disappointment. In fact I’m positive it shouldn’t be. We let work stress, financial stress, family stress, and scheduling stress steal the “expectation” out of our season. The season during which we are supposed to celebrate friends and family and generosity and celebrate the coming of God to earth is supposed to be covered in joy and ease.
Christmas is a season built for expectation, but we build all of our expectations around the wrong things. When we expect the holidays to be easygoing and full of laughter and peace, yet we schedule ourselves silly, expect our families to act differently than they’ve always acted, and spend far more at Anthropolgie than we make, then we are doing this wrong.
I believe God really does want to surprise us. He wants us to have the wonder and the amazement that we want too, but we seem to get in the way of ourselves.
It might be too late this holiday season to create the perfect Christmas, but I do think we can do a few things differently to help our season meet our expectations.
1. Let things go. Just let them roll. I promise, it will be okay. If your pie doesn’t come out, it isn’t the end of the world and your children will survive without everything on their lists.
2. Remember that people are people. Your father-in-law will act as he always acts, your aunt’s house will feel way too far to drive to like it always is, and your brother will still tell his inappropriate jokes with the children around. It happens. Family is about love and grace.
3. Let a few things go off of your schedule. It’s okay if you don’t make the neighbor’s holiday gathering. It’s okay if you can’t get to the school Christmas party on time. You don’t have to see everyone you’ve ever met in the month of December. You can follow-up with them in January. It’s okay.
4. Let go of what you think Christmas should be. There are a few things that are important, yes, but let your season take you where it will. Maybe your kids don’t decorate cookies this year, maybe they build a fort instead. Maybe you all get the flu (let’s hope not) and spend the holiday just the few of you around your own tree. Maybe things are different this year.
5. Take some time each day to be still. We have to fight against the fury of the world during the holidays and everyone will tell you that you have to keep moving. But they are wrong. Be still.
6. Expect Jesus. The Advent season is about expectation. Expect Jesus today. Expect Him tomorrow. Just expect Him. Let Him surprise you like He wants to.
Let’s wrap our expectations, not around perfection and schedules and accomplishments, but around Jesus. We will never be disappointed. It will be Ireland and more every time.
Leave a Comment
Bev Duncan @ Walking Well With God says
Sarah,
Those darned expectations…they get us every time. And, you are so right that we build our expectations around the wrong things. This might sound like an oxymoron, but this Christmas I am really fighting for the opportunity to be still. I’ve made it a priority to schedule time to just be still…to sit with my java and gaze at my tree and read my Advent devotional and put my ornaments on my Jesse tree…just me and Jesus. I have to say it’s the best Christmas gift I’ve ever given myself. Yes, I’ve had to let some things go in order to do it…but what am I really letting go of? Thank you for some great reminders on how to not only survive, but thrive this Christmas!
Blessings,
Bev
Sarah Markley says
i love it! thank you Bev! =)
Nancy Ruegg says
Thank you, Sarah, for your wise suggestions at the end of your post. Number 5 especially resonated in my heart. Just this morning I almost skipped my quiet time, knowing that God would understand the tyranny of the urgent. But I am SO glad I fought that urge. This morning I read about hope. That if we just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come (Anne LaMott). Just the word of encouragement I needed. Then, #6 of your suggestions brought tears to me eyes. Oh, yes, I want to live expectantly! Come, Lord Jesus. And, thank you, again, Sarah.
Sarah Markley says
yes! YES!
Teresa says
Thank you for the reminder of how “expectations” bring us frustration more often than they bring satisfaction. This Holiday season is full of hardship for our family. I am truly having to make an effort at enjoying the season at all. But because I have Jesus I know I have everything I need! I do need to “expect Him” though and not let Satan rob me of those many sightings He has for me each day!
Sarah Markley says
i’m working on the same thing! thank you for commenting. =)
Beth Williams says
Teresa,
Prayers for you and your family this Christmas! May God shower blessings upon your family beyond what you expect! I pray God will swoop down and put His wings around you for a great big hug!
Father,
Please help Teresa and her family this Christmas! Bless them immensely and take away some hardships for them! Shower them with your love and grace!
AMEN!
(((((((Hugs)))))
jdukeslee says
Such encouragement here about expectations.
#6? It never fails.
Merry Christmas, Sarah.
Sarah Markley says
thank you jennifer!! Merry christmas to you!!
Jeanne Takenaka says
Beautiful, Sarah. And how wonderful to get to visit Ireland. It’s one of those places I’ve always wanted to visit. 🙂
Thanks for the reminder—the permission—to let go of expectations of perfection and “doing” to make the right kind of Christmas. I’ve been working hard this season to just breathe and be still before Jesus. Some things haven’t happened. I’m still working on getting Christmas letters out. My kids haven’t served the less fortunate. We haven’t done a ton as a family. But we are working to remember Jesus is Who we celebrate. To make memories our boys will take with them into adulthood.
Thanks for the exhortation to let Jesus surprise me. Loved that!
Sarah Markley says
thank you so much Jeanne!
Sharla says
Sarah, I love your reminder to find time to be still each day. The Christmas season is so hectic and too often we rush from activity to activity without taking time to connect with the One who made it all possible!
Sarah Markley says
i agree Sharla! This has been a tough week for that. The week before Christmas is so busy, usually. Here’s hoping for some stillness for you this week!
Marty says
Thank you for this post. Such a great reminder to focus on what is important.
Sarah Markley says
thank you Marty!
Dionna says
Sarah – My favorite part is when you said “let go of what you think Christmas SHOULD be.” Yes, yes, yes. Thanks for the reminder!
Sarah Markley says
yep!! that one was for me!
Amy Duncan says
How ironic that I should read this article this morning! Just last night I was sharing with my husband the internal struggle I was experiencing over unmet expectations. Thank you Sarah for the great reminders of “letting go”. God’s blessings on you and your sweet family this Christmas!
Beth Williams says
Sarah,
Great post about slowing down and being still expecting Jesus! It can be hard in our hectic chaotic go go go world! Sometimes we just need to stop and be still–shut out the noise and din of the world!!
This Christmas is super different for me in many ways! My aging father moved into assisted living and has had numerous health issues–including 4 trips to ER. It seems hard not to go get him and bring him to Christmas dinner with family–that would be to difficult. Many emotions abound in my heart this year.
My prayer is that my hubby and I can sit and expectantly wait for Jesus to come and realize the importance and true meaning of Christmas!
Blessings 🙂
Diane Goodwin says
Love you Sarah!! What an amazing memory that was 🙂 Sincerely hope we can share our beautiful country with you again soon. until then, may all your Christmases be Ireland…until you come back!