I answered to hear the tears in his voice, his tired body begged for sleep – but he couldn’t rest. I’ve felt how he feels, the sinking feeling of empty that gnaws in the pit of your stomach. He was homesick. Homesick, not for his bed or our house, but for the voices, the sounds, the connections and feelings that live in the familiar. So, over the sound of sniffles, we prayed, doing our best to tuck him in over the phone. And when morning came, as it usually does, he was okay. More than okay. He was ready to play and enjoy the distractions of the day.
I know that sinking feeling; it wriggles and twists until my insides are knots. Gnawing, in the middle of the everyday. I didn’t understand it at first, the void within my normal – the normal that I love – and the empty in the middle of my busy, until one day I did. It’s not the familiar I’m missing, but the hope and promise of the unknown I am longing for.
For the place that will feel familiar and new all wrapped up in one breathtaking view.
The place where the light LIVES.
The place where people are genuine and real and they know my heart.
The place where every body is whole and beautiful and there is no vanity or comparison.
The place where nothing is missing, except for the things that should be – like hate and hurt, sickness and sadness, tears and death.
This is the place God lives.
I am homesick for Him.
But just as new perspective comes with the morning, there are days that I don’t miss Him enough. Days I am too easily distracted by the day to day – forging ahead, focused on the check-list and unable to feel. And there are days I’m too comfortable here – because busy is comfortable in a consuming way.
I become too busy working for Him, not allowing myself to be in relationship with Him, or free enough to let Him work in me.
I want to miss Him.
I want to long for the place He is. I want to be strange and a stranger, shining His love and living in the joy of His truth. I want my stomach tied up in knots if it means I will keep my focus on Him.
I want to be homesick.
By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God. Hebrews 11:9a,10
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Amen! I feel much the same! In fact, just wrote a post called, “The Reason We’re All a Little Bit Homesick” ..
http://katemotaung.com/2014/08/25/the-reason-were-all-a-little-bit-homesick/
Longing for our eternal home with you .. 🙂
Kate! Such a beautiful post about your journey. Happy to walk beside you (even if it’s a virtual walk) until we get there!
What a joy to see you posting here today!
“I want to be strange and a stranger, shining His love and living in the joy of His truth.”
Love this. Thank you for your words and sharing your heart.
LeeAnn — Thanks for your encouragement, so excited to be in this place sharing!
Great thoughts, great encouragement, great reminders! Thank you for sharing. Particularly as a busy working outside the home mom, this speaks to me :). Not fully knowing the details, but wanting to dwell with Him in the light.
Kate — I too am living the balance of working and home – so glad this brought you encouragement! YES to light dwelling!
Captured so beautifully once again, friend! Grateful to be walking homesick alongside you.
Sarah! So very thankful to share this homesick walk with you. Love you friend
I am… Homesick for HIM! Well stated and how I feel. Not the kind of earthly homesick I sometimes feel, but so longing for that peace that only HE Can bring!
Becky – HE is the peace giver and Oh so good! Looking forward to our home with Him.
Lately I’ve had the saddest feeling. I just don’t want to be here. It’s not a harm myself kind of feeling, don’t misunderstand, it’s just this feeling that I want to be someplace else. Someplace with no sadness, no pain, no worries, none of the complicated yuck that seems to be everywhere I look. I think, maybe, your post explains that feeling. Thank you.
Penny – I am so very glad to have been able to put words to your feelings. This place we we walk is hard and messy and full of complicated yuck as you put it, I am very glad it’s only temporary. Looking forward to a new place with you!
I thoroughly enjoyed this post and it’s reminder to be homesick for God. That will help me to remember Him in my every day. Thank you.
Kathy — I am so glad! Press on sister.
I am weary, sick and tired of this place called Earth. So much stress, worry and crap! Taking time this week to be quiet and listen to God. Sitting at beach relaxing before the crazy starts again!
Longing for more of Him & spiritual white space to breath in more of His love, grace & mercy!
Blessings 🙂
Beth —
The beach sounds wonderful! I sure hope the sun and sand have helped you to hear God’s will for you while you are here and experience His peace. It’s hard – and worry (in my experience) only makes it worse. Deep breath sister, enjoy His creation and rest your soul for the road ahead!
Blessings!