I answered to hear the tears in his voice, his tired body begged for sleep – but he couldn’t rest. I’ve felt how he feels, the sinking feeling of empty that gnaws in the pit of your stomach. He was homesick. Homesick, not for his bed or our house, but for the voices, the sounds, the connections and feelings that live in the familiar. So, over the sound of sniffles, we prayed, doing our best to tuck him in over the phone. And when morning came, as it usually does, he was okay. More than okay. He was ready to play and enjoy the distractions of the day.
I know that sinking feeling; it wriggles and twists until my insides are knots. Gnawing, in the middle of the everyday. I didn’t understand it at first, the void within my normal – the normal that I love – and the empty in the middle of my busy, until one day I did. It’s not the familiar I’m missing, but the hope and promise of the unknown I am longing for.
For the place that will feel familiar and new all wrapped up in one breathtaking view.
The place where the light LIVES.
The place where people are genuine and real and they know my heart.
The place where every body is whole and beautiful and there is no vanity or comparison.
The place where nothing is missing, except for the things that should be – like hate and hurt, sickness and sadness, tears and death.
This is the place God lives.
I am homesick for Him.
But just as new perspective comes with the morning, there are days that I don’t miss Him enough. Days I am too easily distracted by the day to day – forging ahead, focused on the check-list and unable to feel. And there are days I’m too comfortable here – because busy is comfortable in a consuming way.
I become too busy working for Him, not allowing myself to be in relationship with Him, or free enough to let Him work in me.
I want to miss Him.
I want to long for the place He is. I want to be strange and a stranger, shining His love and living in the joy of His truth. I want my stomach tied up in knots if it means I will keep my focus on Him.
I want to be homesick.
By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God. Hebrews 11:9a,10Leave a Comment