I open the Scriptures, irritated once again at other people. I’m hungry for a proven process to live in Christian community. But I’m equally disgusted by my perpetual need for instruction on how to love well. I’m ashamed of my inability to overlook another’s sin.
Just tell me what to do, God, and I’ll do it. Tell me how to do it, and I’ll try my hardest once again.
And I’m surprised. Instead of finding a plan, I’m reading a love story. Written to me.
“Beloved…”
“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God…” (I John 1:7)
“Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought to love one another…” (I John 1:11)
Beloved.
I pause, silently reflecting on the mystery of just one word. His name for me speaks volumes. Oh, how I want to be better, but He silences me first, reminding me I’m cherished.
And all the excuses I was ready to voice now seem unnecessary. His love for me calms the bitterness and resentment raging within. Instead of mapping out a process, He brings my focus to Him. He shows me my sin and His deep well of grace. And I realize how thirsty I am.
Beloved. Cherished one. I am a God of tenderness. I love you despite your own sin. The very characteristics that annoy you in others, well, you own them, too.
You resent those whose stress impacts you. You cringe at an anxious tone of voice. But, Beloved, you wear your own frustrations right there on your countenance, silently screaming at your family. Your sin makes your home an unsafe environment.
Look at how you’re cherished. See how I draw you to Me over and over and heal you from your worry. Ponder the forgiveness you receive from your husband, your son, your daughter everyday. Dig deep. Pull from that grace, My grace, and hold it out to others.
The cross is so big.
Cherished one, look into their eyes. Don’t bully them by ignoring them. You are loved. You are Mine. And with My help, you can make eye contact. With My help, you can engage. With My help, you can forgive.
Love them, just as you teach your children to pour out forgiveness on their classmates. Engage, just as you challenge your kids to pursue those who have hurt them.
I am with you as you navigate the pain and awkwardness. You see, it is only by My constant presence that you can love others well. It is in remembering my radical love for you, My child, that you can make others feel cherished.
Grace to you. There’s more than enough.
Marcy says
Just tell me what to do, God, and I’ll do it. Tell me how to do it, and I’ll try my hardest once again.
Oh the plan, I know it well. I want to dig deep and map out a new one now but God is clearly saying Be. That direction, to simply Be, is putting me at the mercy of another and God keeps reminding me that it is his mercy that will keep me. Thanks for the added encouragement today!
Christan Perona says
I love the picture of surrendering that you’ve given, Marcy. “Putting me at the mercy of another.” Yes, God seems to be reminding me in all sorts of ways and situations that His mercy will keep me. I just have to believe Him.
Thea73 says
I may BE. Be myself. I don’t have to change in order for people to like me. It is more important what God thinks of me and you than what other people think of you and me. Sometimes it is better to walk away and say nothing and then bring your pain at the cross. The answers will come to you then and you will know what to do next. What i have learned to do is look at myself and see if the behavior of the other person bothers me because i see myself in the other person. This might wel be a time that God learns you something that you have to change in your own life. I have struggled with it so many time’s in my own life and it is not a fun place to be at, but it will bring me closer to the person God want’s me to be. Thanks for sharing your story. It has helped me a great deal.
Christan says
Yes, Thea73. It is often better to walk away and place our pain at the Cross rather than let it spill forth from our mouths. I’m learning patience… I’m trying to stop racing and instead step back from circumstances, seek Him in the quiet, and WAIT for His plan to unfold. And yes, I agree that we often are grieved at one’s behavior because we’re just looking at a mirror. Looking at the sin of the world reminds us of our own hearts… you’re right, this practice motivates us to offer yet another piece of our brokenness to our Rescuer. Thank you for your insight.
Cherise says
Beautiful words!
Oh, and I love puns/word twists, and God just showed me one as I read your post:
“Beloved”, broken down into its component parts, is “Be Loved”. When we allow ourselves to be loved, the love will fill us and spill out.
Christan says
Why is it so hard to allow ourselves to be loved?! Thanks for separating “Beloved” into “be loved”. I love how you said love will fill us and spill out when we allow ourselves to receive love. Great truth for being in relationship with family, friend, co-workers, anyone, really. Who will we spill love out upon today?! 🙂
Kara says
This is the theme of my life right now, Be loved. Thanks for the reminder, friend!
Christan says
If we could believe we are cherished and objects of God’s affections (as Scotty Smith says), just think how much grace and love we could extend to others. Every day.
Jamie Rohrbaugh says
So true. If only we could really GET that our first job is to just be loved. He loves us so much but we try to work, work, work instead of receiving His love and just BEING His beloved. Only when we really get how beloved we are can we really find it in our hearts (His heart) to love others.
I used to hate everybody. Then one day God helped me to see how much He loves me, and it changed my life. He took the hatred away and helped me to love people. Not perfectly, and not always, but still to love. I pray I will always grow in that: in the receiving of His love and in letting it flow out from me to others.
Christan says
Jamie, THANK YOU for sharing this. This is an encouragement to me, for sure. Thanks for sharing your transformation with us. It’s so amazing how God not only removes sinful patterns in our hearts but then tenderly transforms us to do just the opposite when we’re walking in His Spirit. I have a similar story – not with hating others but in judging others. Years and years ago, I saw the world through the lens of judgement. In the past decade, I’ve seen how wretched my own heart is and how absolutely big the Cross is. It’s so freeing. Like you with loving others, it causes me to have mercy and compassion. The older I get, I’m less blinded to my own sin — I see it all the time now — and the more I’m desperate for Jesus. Thank you, Jamie.
melissa says
thanks for the reminder to look at myself and evaluate my own heart, even before I look at others and judge theirs!
Christan says
And when you’re looking at your heart, remember God sees you through the blood of Christ – made whole and righteous because of our Rescuer. Remember God delights in you, His Beloved.
Joanne says
Hey Christan, amen and Amen. God has spoken. Your story so pure and true. Thank you for sharing. God has given you everything you need for where you are. Be encouraged be blessed.
Christan says
Joanne, thank you. I will try to remember God has indeed given me everything I need for where I am. May we forever rest in what He’s given us rather than running toward idols again and again.
Karen Brown says
Christian- thank you for sharing your journey and your humble heart. Your gift of writing is a blessing. What an encouraging post!
Christan says
Thank you, Karen. I’ve spent time on your blog and have found much encouragement and conviction through your writing.
Louanne says
You wrote this to and for me. I am facing an exact situation where I so desperately needed to hear these words. Thank you. You are a blessing to me and many others.
Christan says
Louanne, thank you. It is amazing how truth God whispers to us in our own situations can actually edify and heal other hearts and situation. His word never returns void, does it?! His Story is so very big and His ways are so complex. And beautiful.
Hope says
I love this. Not mapping out a process but letting God reach our hearts first! I am like that, always wanting to be better, asking God to show me how when things are hard… He is not always worried about telling me how to be better. When I let Him speak to ME, I WILL be better.
Christan says
I love your name, Hope. 🙂 Love it. We are have much in common. May we forever put the pencil down and rest in His love for us instead of creating tasks and plans and directions for ourselves.
Alyssa says
Resonates with me!
Christan says
Hi, Alyssa. Thank you. I hope you’re still hearing His whispers of love and tenderness this weekend.
susan says
Beloved, Thank you for those beautiful words. Yes there are always the moments of the beautiful let-down of our human weaknesses we so easily see in others yet…at times are slow to admit we carry.
I feel this is total gift your words come in his perfect timing as HE teaches me about community. I so want to use disappointment to run from what HE is offering in the moment. But TRUTH would say something quite different, that if I am unwilling to recieve what this tension offers me which is the freedom to engage in life with others well then I reject engaging with the Savior because my LOrd is in the midst of these things good and small. HE is in the midst of our humanity and he wants to so much want to teach us of LOVE. WE WALK BY FAITH AND NOT BY SIGHT. And if we look thru his eyes we will see mercy, forgiveness, compassion and the desire to extend that to others will grow with us.
PEACE to U-Blessings
Christan says
Yes, I often feel justified in running from community when I’ve faced disappointment. But tension brings growth. Really, can we have growth without tension? I recently had a friend tell me it is the things we don’t choose for ourselves — the things that happen TO us — that shape us into who we are. And yes, Susan, if we all bear God’s image, we miss out on knowing facets of His character better when we don’t engage with others. Peace right back atcha. 🙂
Anna Labno says
I needed it today.
Thank you.
Christan says
Anna, I’m so glad. May His strength be yours in your situation.
Emily says
This truly touched my heart. It is a struggle sometimes, to remember just how much my Father loves me, and cherishes me, when I deal with many serious health issues every day, and have been for years, and . It is only because of Him, that I get up each day 🙂
Christan says
Emily, may you sense His presence today and in the weeks and months to come. May His peace flood your heart and penetrate your thoughts and your body.
Debra @ Msmoozys Open House says
Taking your post and holding it tight, smiling some and taking a deep breath…..THANK YOU! 🙂
Christan says
Thanks, Debra. Hold it tightly as He holds YOU tightly. Deep breaths – I need to do more of those.
Amy says
So true, if we could just get women to believe this. I just gave a talk on this topic at a retreat, and I was moved to tears afterwards by the pain I saw on many faces. Jesus loves me, this I know! Keep this message flowing!
Christan says
Yes, as we try to believe God loves us unconditionally, and then talk about forgiveness, it brings a lot of hurt to the surface. As Susan said above, we want to run from the tension. But He’s there, right there in the tension, right there on the faces of the women you spoke to. I have a friend who smiles with her eyes and says, Hmmm… What’s God doing? What’s He DOING?!” There’s such hope in her words and in her smile as she deals with brokenness. I’m sure the women you spoke to are still pondering your words…
Melinda Wilson says
What other words can I say but THANK YOU for allowing God to speak His Words through you . . . JUST FOR ME. I am a day late reading but God planned it that way because HE knew I needed this today to encourage me to just Be Still and Let God Love Me.
Christan says
Ah, Melinda. I love how His time is not our time (in these situations!). 🙂 I hope you’re still sensing today how much He loves you.
Barbara says
Beautiful thoughts that refresh the soul, Christan. Oh the joy of knowing and living in relationship with our heavenly Father…so close that we can hear His terms of endearment for us: Beloved…cherished.
It was refreshing to be reminded that as we walk with Him in this love-relationship, a God-focused life, love for others will naturally overflow to others because of His love and grace that continually is at work within us;
Your writing is evocative, insightful, and challenges me to go deeper with Him. Thank you.
Christan says
I love how you call it a “love-relationship” and a “God-focused life”, Barbara. Thanks for the reminder that His love and grace is CONTINUALLY at work within us. I forget that and beat myself up in despair. But He’s working; oh, how he’s working! Thank you for your encouragement. I appreciate your words.
Jessica Wolstenholm says
Christan, this gently rebuked me in such a good way. What a beautiful expression of the tension of community and our own communion with The Lord. Thank you for this. So powerful. So beautiful!
Christan says
Jessica, thanks for sharing. The tension of community and our relationship with our Redeemer seems to be one we can resonate with — regardless of where we live, what our community is like, what our stories are. Thank you for your encouragement.
Beth WIlliams says
Beloved…” “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God…” (I John 1:7)
“Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought to love one another…” (I John 1:11)
Beloved. I find it very hard at times to grasp that I am God’s beloved. My attitude isn’t always what it should be. Like you I bark at people–the very ones I should love.
Oh, how I want to be better, but He silences me first, reminding me I’m cherished.
That truly resonates with me. I want to do/be/act better. A lack of sleep, stress, job I’m not fond of all add to my yucky attitude.
God has a way of wooing his people–especially women back to Him. He wants us to understand that he realizes our stressors & tells us that despite our attitude or feelings He still loves us crazily!
Blessings 🙂
Christan says
Oh, Beth, the lack of sleep, stress, and circumstances that are hard — it all impacts how we relate to one another, causing us to bark at those we love. I hear you. It’s hard to believe He cherishes us when we act the way we do. And yet as we believe this more and more, He miraculously changes our hearts and transforms our words, actions, and communities. May you sleep well this weekend as you prepare for Monday and other work week. 🙂 What’s He going to do in your relationships next week?! 🙂
Tara says
I am God’s Beloved. It is important what God thinks of me , my family and friends then what other people think of me and. I have learned that sometime it is better for me to walk a way an not say nothing at all until later and after I pray for God to direct me. When I allow myself self to me love then I can let God love glow through me to others. We need to slow down everyday and receive his love in our lives so his love can come into are heart s and fill fully with Gods beautiful love he has for us and being to let our life shine to others by loving one another. God each into my heart first when I really needed him life he came in my heart and truly really love me and for gave me of my sin and save me. I am truly not perfect but always still in love and I want that love and I want other people to have that kind of love.
Christan says
Tara, you have wisdom to walk away and pause before speaking. And you mentioned slowing down everyday, stopping to receive His love before going out into the corners of our world. Oh, to have that kind of patience and peace instead of racing around, approaching relationships like tasks to be mastered. Thank you for the reminder to approach my days in this way. Thank you for the reminder to be others-focused, Tara.
Casey says
Beautiful message, beautiful heart, beautifully written.
Thank you for the encouragement to engage. I am so distracted this week.
A God of tenderness that loves me despite my sin…Oh to love those in my care in that way.
Struggling this week to live from a place of love and acceptance and not to live in order to get love and acceptance. Thank you Christan for your encouragement and the reminder that I am my Savior’s Beloved.
Christan says
Casey, thanks for your words. I hear you with all the distractions of the week. My, what a week it has been for me, too. I absolutely love how you describe the struggle to “live FROM a place of love and acceptance” rather than living “in order to GET love and acceptance.” Such a great perspective and lens to view things through. Imagine how our relationships would be transformed if we lived this way. May you rest this weekend, knowing indeed that you’re God’s Beloved. My you have hope that He has much love to pour on you next week, too.