“My struggle this weekend has been about where I really fit,” my friend confided in me over lunch. “I know what God has for me, but I feel like I’m in limbo, wondering where I fit right now.”
As she speaks, I sit fidgeting with my water glass, knowing exactly what she means. I, too, have struggled with identity. Wondering where I belonged.
“Some days are just better than others,” she states.
I take a deep breath, give a little smile and say, “Sometimes I think God strips away our titles so we’ll find our identity in him alone.” And as I say it, I know it’s easier said than done, acknowledge my own struggle to find my purpose in God versus accomplishments in this world.
I tell her of the struggle I faced when I decided to leave my career and stay home with my children. How I grappled for months, not sure what to tell someone else what I did anymore, wanting to hand out my resume when meeting new people to show them I’d accomplished something in my life. Desiring something more than “just” being a housewife.
How I wanted more.
It was a tug of war between accepting that I wasn’t a career woman anymore and choosing to simply be a wife and mother (as if those weren’t occupations in themselves). I wanted to feel like my life still mattered. That I had purpose and value beyond these four walls. Humility? Isn’t there a verse about that? Humble myself. Yes, that’s what I need, I would tell myself.
And yet the thought would still come: Isn’t there more than this?
Then one day God met me in the middle of my frustration, as I was once again asking how I should handle this, shaking a mental fist at God. I heard him speak, whisper a thought: Whoever asked you to trade one identity for another? I never asked you to humble yourself to “trade” your identity in your career with being a mother. I never asked you to find your identity in either of these things at all. And what will happen if the title of “mother” were ever stripped away? What identity would you then search for to call yourself?
And my thoughts stopped. My frustration lifted as the revelation soaked into my mind, resonated in my heart. Why have I tried to find who I am in these things?
How could I miss the most obvious of things?
I want you to find your identity in me and in me alone, He finishes.
And as I finish sharing my own account with my friend, we sit with tears in our eyes, a mutual understanding of this struggle of the heart.
We talk more of finding our identity in Christ, and I conclude that God strips away our identity with the things of the world so we won’t be discontent when we feel like we have no titles to offer, nor pride if a position or title of value is placed on our lives. Either way, it won’t affect us, not really, if we know who we are in Christ.
My constant for who I am is Him.
And that is enough.
Galatians 2:20 “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
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I only recently got introduced to this site and I must say I find encouragement here. I feel so much at home even though I’m only 26, single, stuck in a career that I don’t love and fighting off an early mid-life crisis. If God has taught me nothing this year, He’s shown me that HE is enough. More than enough. My mind is yet to fully accept this, it constantly reminds me that I am nobody, I am without an identity, I am not good enough… But my heart has accepted that I am complete in Christ and that He is enough. So I choose to believe with my heart. I choose to listen to His voice and not my mind. I believe someday soon, my mind will comply. 2013 has been incredibly difficult, and just went I thought I’d caugh a break, I got hit with a wave of betrayal yesterday. And my mind’s back to reminding me of my inadequacies but I’m refusing to let it win over my heart. God is enough, more than enough.
Thank you so much for this. *hugs*
My dear K,
As I read your comment this morning, I felt like you were speaking about my life! I remember the struggle I had first in my career, wondering how I got there, feeling like I should have reached this amazing place, that just wasn’t there. I know that all of this is just to remind us to trust God for who we are, not in things, people or jobs. I love what you said about choosing to believe with your heart. Because you’re right, it is a choice, and sometimes it’s something we have to choose every new day. I am praying for you today, wishing I could hug you, but sending encouragement and prayers from afar. God bless you K.
Kendra,
Just beautiful! Even at 50+, we/I still search for titles by which to define ourselves. May we all carry around “business cards” that give our name and say “God’s precious daughter” as our occupation. Thank you for a wonderful reminder of where we find our true identity.
Blessings,
Bev
Bev,
I have talked to so many women, of every age, who have said the same thing! I love the idea of carrying something like a business card as a reminder to me everyday of who I am in Christ.
Blessings to you today!
Thank you. I have been a “housewife” for almost 7 years and I still struggle. I struggle to feel like a solid contributor to my family. I struggle to feel like I am understood at times. If only they saw, if only they walked in my shoes during the insane times…heck during the easy times. I struggle with wanting more title, and then having a completeness when I walk in my kids school and seeing them there when I volunteer. I wonder sometimes why I don’t fit with those moms that get to go off to the office….is it me? I wonder why I feel disconnected from my husband at times because he has no clue what my day is like. And often times I feel this way because I become intertwined with my title. So, this is amazing. Thank you. Thank you for speaking to me!
Andrea,
I think that its okay to admit the struggle can sometimes be ongoing. It’s not necessarily something we struggle with once and move on. Sometimes, it takes awhile, and even then we can have things come up that bring it up again even after we think we’re past it! Praying you are encouraged today and feel loved by our Heavenly Father.
Blessings to you!
Andrea, I know how you feel! Thank you! I often wish my husband could understand what it’s like to care for a home and two little girls. I wonder if our “invisible” service as mamas is like the offering given in secret. I’ve been trying to remember that God sees all of it, and he will reward me. The title angle is one I hadn’t considered before. I’ll be chewing on it for a bit.
That is such a good reminder for me as well Katie, remembering that God sees it all, even the seemingly insignificant. Thanks for sharing.
Right there with ya sister! I’m hoping I can learn this lesson the easy way…
Yes, easy would be good!
You couldn’t have ended with a better sentence. “And that is enough.” Few things break my heart more than seeing people (myself included) viewing ourselves through a lens of lack. Through a lens of not being enough. Always striving. Always pulling on one more garment from the laundry pile of what the world touts as an acceptable image for our identity. And then comes that gentle reminder. That invitation to rest in the freedom that comes from knowing whose we are. And that is enough.
Crystal,
I think this is a common struggle, especially for us as women. I love your analogy of picking up a garment from the laundry pile of what the world says our identity should be. Thanks for sharing your insight, that blessed me this morning.
Blessings to you.
Kendra,
I had a stroke several years ago and was no longer able to work or to go to school. Up to that point, I had been thinking of myself as a student, a leader and a great employee (no pride there, huh?). After the stroke, and after I got over being super angry with GOD, I felt that He had BLESSED me with it. That had occurred to force me to re-evaluate my life and my priorities and get things in a more Godly perspective! One of the things that I had to change was my thinking about my “identity”. Thank you for this devotional this morning!
Valerie,
I am always in awe of how God can take something that could have devastated us, and turn it into a blessing in disguise. What courage you have to change your thinking and allow God to shift your perspective. Thank you for sharing, that is inspiring to me!
Blessings to you.
Thank you, you have hit it right on the head. Throughout the time when my children were small, I was involved in a lot of stuff, good stuff. I guess I didn’t realize until now just the depth, of how I saw myself as worthwhile by the things I did, the title I wore, the new ministries I helped start. But, it was never enough. I also home schooled and had some home businesses. It did not help that I had family that thought I was “only” a housewife. I had something to prove; I was good enough, accomplished. We also have a daughter who we had adopted with special needs and had trauma issues. I also thought if I just tried harder, I could make it okay, and because of fear of man, I just wanted the criticism to stop. It boils down to fear of man on so many fronts.
Fast forward and I was on the verge of an empty nest, and was looking forward to it. I would be finished home schooling, and could set aside the money to get more schooling and be in a ministry that I loved participating in. I knew I had heard the Lord. But, He had also said my role in this ministry would change.
Then we were asked to adopt our grandchildren, and this was a turn I never expected the Lord would say yes. My world changed overnight, and I was struggling with the grieving of my children, and starting over being a new mom, and the constant demands that I was thrown back into. Even though I had gone through this before, I struggled being much older and having many situations I had never had to handle before. Also, struggling with the title of being “just a mom” again and this time around purposely taking on less responsibility outside of the home, knowing it is the right thing to do, but also feeling so inadequate with the constant demands. I don’t really fit in with the young mom’s on some levels, and the 50 something crowd who have much more free time and careers.
I am in the book club and am finding this is a stretch because of the things that are being said, and what is being said is truth, and necessary to ingest. What I think I am sensing is to look at my priorities, let the Lord show me where my living art is and then being satisfied with where I am, and seeking more of being enough in Him, and “KNOWING” Jesus.
I am grateful for this post, because for so many years, i had the feeling there has to be something more. I was looking for my identity in the wrong place. I can see this will be a process, but I see it will be a painful but a good process. Kind of turning upside down everything I believed, shaking things up, and starting afresh.
Joanne,
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I am amazed at your courage and determination to take on raising your grandchildren, I can’t imagine the challenges you face. I am so grateful that we never get too old to stop learning and growing with God. He is always opening up our eyes to new things, isn’t he?
God bless you on this journey. I am so glad you have found community in the book club, I’ll be praying for you!
Thank you for this…I have been struggling lately with my identity as a mother. My boys have grown and gone, and lets face it, the demands are not the same…But, always I have identity in Him. I need to remember that.
It’s so simple and yet a challenge all at the same time. God bless you Lisa as you continue on this journey.
Thank you…just what I needed to hear today as I sit here typing up my notes from a recent retreat – hoping again to find the ‘answer’ while I intuitively know there is none, that life is a mystery to be lived not a problem to be solved. I feel so many things since I’ve ‘retired’ – not by choice but through my husband’s relocation – thinking and feeling the need to recreate what we had – home/career/friends – instead of letting God lead us along the next part of this journey. It’s good to know that other ‘daughters’ of our God and King feel as I do. Blessings and prayers.
Thanks for sharing Debra. I agree, sometimes giving up control and letting God lead is more challenging than just forging ahead ourselves. God bless you in this new season on your journey!
I understand women wanting careers. Even though I never did. I wanted, from the very beginning, to grow up and be a mom. God blessed me and I was so happy! He went above and beyond… giving me awesome children that turned into awesome adults, going farther in life than I ever dreamed.
It was such a shock when my career ended! And it did. Slowly they moved on and grew into adults that did not need me to ‘fix’ things for them. I remember the day my son looked at me and said, “Mom it is my problem and I will take care of it. It is not your problem to solve and I do not want you to worry about it.”
So I wandered around for a few years wondering who I was (I had always been my mom’s daughter, my husband’s wife, my children’s mother. All that ended. I did not know who I was!
I thank God everyday that I discovered (in)courage. I have always believed in God but I am now trying to find my identity in Him as it is the only one that counts.
Love to all,
Patty
Patty,
Thank you for sharing! It’s so true, we can all look to different things to identify with, even good things, but in the end God wants us to find who we are in him.
God bless you!
I’ve always identified myself by what I do rather than who I really am in Christ. I’m a teacher, and when my teaching is good and reaches the students, I am worthy, but when my class is struggling, I lose heart and feel useless! I’m a friend, but when my friendships start to fade, I am lost. So, lately I’ve been thinking that maybe God is removing some of these things and deeds and titles to nudge me back to Him and only Him. He really should be enough for me, but sometimes I get so caught up in everything else that I forget that. So glad I found your words today!
Katie, Oh my, can I relate to what you are saying. I too, not only find value in the titles I have, but purpose when things are going well. And you are absolutely right, the downside is that I can also feel like a failure when things go wrong. Thank you for making an excellent point.
Blessings to you!
I want to respond, truly I do, but I am not sure enough of who I am to be able to do that. Not even sure that last sentence made sense.
Ruth,
Sometimes there just aren’t words, and that’s okay.
Praying for you today.
YES! I have gone through this, and sometimes still do. But, God is always faithful to meet me in the – who am I and why did I go to college anyway moments! Thanks for voicing a common mind game Satan plays with us!
Amen Ange! Thanks for sharing.
God has certainly been teaching me this very concept in my walk with chronic illness, pain, and disability. It’s hard to let go of all of those things we have so much of our identity, and let’s face it our pride, wrapped up in! But what God wants is ALL of us, and what He offers is unbelievable.
So true Shelly, what we may perceive as having to give up is nothing compared to what we can gain from Him. Thanks for sharing.
Kendra, Thank you for writing “The Truth About Our Identity” and being a part of (in)courage. As I am looking for my next career or vocational step, I’ve been feeling a bit lost. Reading your post reaffirmed what God spoke to me yesterday when I was trying to understand why I never feel like I “fit” or belong in a job. Basically, He seemed to tell me to stop looking for this “feeling” in things of the world like a job or a particular role with other people (wife, sister, mother, etc.) He reminded me that I am an Ambassador and not of this world. The more that I “fit” here, the less I am the woman He created me to be. He reminded me that I belong to Him and encouraged me to seek fellowship in community of other Ambassadors that understand that their identity, value and being is only found in Christ. He seemed to be reminding me that no matter what I do, so long as I know who I am in Him, that it will be the right place and I can be at peace in believing or trusting Him. In His kindness, today, He led me to read your post and remind me that I am not alone as one who finds her belonging in Him. Reading your post was like God saying, “See, Daughter, as you fellowship with the others they will encourage you and you will have perseverance regardless of how you feel in this world.” Thank you!
Barb, Thank you for your comments. You stated it perfectly. I love when God offers us confirmation of what he is already speaking to us through others as well. And isn’t it good to know we’re not alone! God bless you on the journey.
Kendra,
First off you and others who are “Blessed” to be able to stay at home when your children are young are lucky. The children will be better off for it also. God does see your work and will reward you one day.
I’m not really into titles or earthly stuff. With Heavenly treasure to look forward to I don’t want stuff that rots. I guess as I age nothing matters much, but God, love of my hubby and love of family and friends. . If I had to choose a title my favorite would be “Daughter of the King”.
This was beautifully written, and such a good reminder of what is most important. Thank you for this reminder at the start of a new week! I especially liked this … “I want you to find your identity in me and in me alone, He finishes.” Yes – so true – may I live this out this week and each week.
Thank you Cherry for your kind words! God bless you this week!
Came across this at 2 am as I couldn’t sleep. Married 13 yrs, had a music career, never wanted kids. Now I’m a new mom of a gorgeous baby girl, had to quit job, and struggling with who I am now, feeling like a failure- you know, the kind that doesn’t go to their high school reunion because they’re embarrassed to tell people what they’re up to. Thank you for this. Being a musician is not who I am. Being a mother is not who I am. Being loved by an amazing Creator is who I am.
Dear Cherie,
I understand where you’re coming from! It can take time before we settle on really knowing who we are in Christ! Keep pressing into that knowledge and you will come out better for it. It’s okay to struggle. I’m praying for you today!
Blessings, Kendra