As the summer burns on, I notice my patience is burning too, but burning into non-existence. I find each day more and more difficult to build up patience and wait for my children to find their way. Whether it be their way to obeying the rules, their way to having good attitudes or even their way to being grateful people. This time of year feels like forever.
But there’s something that God has been showing me lately that is actually working against this patience shortage. And that is: instead of telling my kids to chill out I tell myself to chill out.
I’ve noticed more and more that when I stay in a good place (abiding in Christ is my “good place”), I feel peaceful as a mother too. I feel chill. And I don’t get as frustrated with the kids being kids (how dare they!). I still see areas where I can direct, for sure. But my own emotions don’t have to get all caught up in it.
One of the biggest things that has changed is when I chill FIRST, my children often follow that lead even without realizing it. It’s like the whole frenetic energy ball in the room gets the power cord pulled out of it. Everything powers down for a minute. Their individual craziness, even if it doesn’t simmer down, doesn’t affect me the same way.
It’s pretty amazing what kind of power simply telling myself to chill out has had on us. And I didn’t even realize I needed to chill out!
My kids start bickering; I chill out first. They don’t like the chores I gave them? I chill out first. They don’t listen? I definitely chill out first.
I still do all my same parenting, I just precede it with this big ‘ol gut check first; and it’s like everything settles into place before I get (and instead of me getting) wildly impatient and frustrated.
What was that about being slow to anger…? Oh yeah. {wink}
So tell me, how do those of you who have school-aged kids get through these last few weeks of summer? Our school is starting up in just two weeks!
I’d love to hear your ideas and tips for moms needing that second wind right about now!
Leave a Comment
Bev Duncan @ Walking Well With God says
Arianne,
I always wondered why all the “sanity giving” groups broke for the summer (ie:MOPS, Mothers Morning Out, etc.)??? That’s when you need it the most. Summer always came as culture shock for me. One thing I did do for myself (and taking time for yourself is NOT selfish), is exchange watching kids with a good friend. She’d watch mine and I could peacefully do things by myself. Even if it meant just browsing through the mall or going to the grocery store solo. If Jesus needed time away from the throngs, I too needed time away in order to be a better mom and find refreshment. Then when it was my turn to watch, my kids had a play date and I knew I was giving my friend the break that she needed. Love your idea of chilling first!!!
Blessings,
Bev
Kerith Stull says
Summer is a difficult time indeed. I think it’s important to note that as much as kids love NOT going to school, they get frustrated with changes in their schedule, especially younger ones. So, no matter what, I still keep a schedule in the summer, if nothing else than for meal times. They still have chores scheduled for the same day of the week. They still have limits on screen times. Whatever strands of routine I can maintain through the chaos of summer is important, especially since my 17yo daughter has cerebral palsy.
One more thing –> You know what they say on airplanes…put YOUR mask on first before helping others!
Nicole says
This is awesome! Your words ring very true in our household!! I need to be abiding in The LORD MORE, but with the kids home I find it hard to make that time. Sheesh, it seems like I can’t have five minutes without someone needing something from me or fighting… Thus, I often try to avoid starting things that I know will only be interrupted. I am so frayed that I feel like setting boundaries is a challenge for me (i.e., a “strong” mom would enforce that her children leave her alone…). I struggle with my five-year-old wanting to play video games. Unless I am guiding him to do something else, that is where he is happy. I don’t want him playing w/ technology all day! I’m just venting 😉 and will be thinking of solutions. I DO know that I have a CD of mostly scripture related songs from a study by David Nassar. I play it in the kitchen to help keep my mind/thoughts on HIM! peace=chill 🙂
Debbie Putman says
I have the opposite problem. I have the summer to recharge and rest, especially now that my own kids are adults and gone. However, I teach seventh grade. What you are saying is true for me in the classroom as well. I am slowly changing my chill ability–through the power of the Holy Spirit–and by abiding in Christ. When I bend down to pick stuff off the floor–7th graders love to throw tiny objects at each other), I try to thank God for their energy and also that I can still bend over! I keep My One Word, GRACE, where I can see it so I remember the importance of extending God’s grace to these kids He has placed in my care.
Amy says
Love this, Debbie!
Trisha says
I have found that I get almost as much if not more out of my quiet time with God when I include my children. I picked up my Bible recently and my kids ran to get their tiny Bibles and sat down with me, pretending to read (5 y/o & 3 y/o). I decided to read Jonah FROM the Bible instead of a storybook Bible and stopped after big words to explain what they meant. I also stopped and recapped during the story so they would understand. They were so enthralled in the story and loved that they were learning about God. That particular story was a few weeks ago and my 3y/o son still comes up to me and says “Jonah shouldn’t go to Tarshish!” It keeps me in check that if I am setting the example in my Bible studies that I am also setting the example in patience, love, kindness, and faith. When they lose patience, have I shown them that? When they are not kind, did I show them that too? It all begins at home. Thank you for this post – an amazing reminder that it begins with us and hopefully leads to God.
Wendy says
I send them to grandma’s.
Katie Shannon says
You know when my twins were toddlers and I looked at these moms with older kids in complete confusion to why they would want to school to start again, but now I GET IT! My patience is wearing thin lately. Loved this post!
Rhonda Coleman says
Though my children are grown and gone this really resonated with me. Not during the summer, but during the school year. You see, I am a high school history teachers with 120 “children” over the course of my day. This part, “I’ve noticed more and more that when I stay in a good place (abiding in Christ is my “good place”), I feel peaceful … . I feel chill.” spoke to me loud & clear!! When I’m in my “good place” (in Christ) MY day goes better, &’i know their’s does as well! Thanks for the message to “Chill Out”!!
Bridget K says
I really like this Arianne! I’ve never tried to tell myself to chill out. My/ Our society has put ‘people who talk to themselves’ on the fringe. Your words give a much different perspective and I needed to hear it. Thank you!
Tracy in NJ says
Try fast forwarding to maybe October and imagine the crazy of getting everybody up and out, after school activities and scheduling, homework class projects etc. Now doesn’t the chill of summer seem better? Try to plan a small fun thing each day…wash the car and have a water fight…sleep in a tent on the back yard…put Jammie’s on after dinner and go for an ice cream . You’ll cherish the memories of these simple things for years to come
Amy says
So true how this works, Arianne. It’s even helpful in dealing with big folks, I’m finding. Thank you!
Gerrie says
Looking back from the perspective of more than fifty years, I find that I was extremely blessed. I had three kids within 2 years and 12 days. They entertained one another before they were of school age. We lived in a tight knit, safe neighborhood. We all had fenced yards, and five related families very close. A total of nine children, six parents, two grandparents, and an aunt and uncle kept the kids under close watch. There were other children in the neighborhood, and they all played ( mostly) happily together in one another’s gated yards, as well as on the front sidewalks of a fairly quiet street, generally with one or more mothers or dads watching from shady front porches. When they came in at dinner time, the agenda in most houses was a meal, warm baths and bedtime. At times everyone would be outside catching lightning bugs for a lab that paid for each one. In our house we had bedtime stories, prayers and devotions. They would fall asleep sometimes as I read to them. It wasn’t all Utopia, but enough that we could cope.
(And NO ONE was in a rush to watch news or TV shows!)
Marinalva Sickler says
It’s a quiet time and your “chill out” call reminds me the summer is almost over. I’m glad for the little my grandson and I have done. I’m trying to catch up with the library reading program. Time to slow down with the ashes and humidity around Palm Springs area. Next week and the last before the year around school begins its term for my third grade young man. I’m grateful the court guardianship was granted to me and I’m sharing him with the paternal grandparents. God is good! Thanks for reminding me of the time!
Becky says
Great reminders and encouragement. I don’t have school aged kids, but even still, I find that the summer is trying my patience with endlessly long days at home with my 4, 3, and 1 year old boys, without the weekly routines of our moms group and church Bible study (on break for the summer) to help break up our weeks.
The simple exercise of breathing deeply really helps calm me when my patience has run out and my blood starts to boil. Taking those few moments to steady by breathing gets my perspective in check. But I like your notion of telling yourself to chill out, too. Whatever I’m getting all worked up about on the inside will surely be better solved by responding with a cool head.
Blessings on the journey!
Anna says
Thank you it’s a timely reminder. My children test broke up from school on Friday, I love the holidays but find the first few days/ weeks “challenging” as they get settled into being home again. I have just walked out as they had a fight about pants. My husband thankfully is so much more patient than me. Just chill
Shauna says
This particular month has been different for our family because I had to work night shift instead of my usual day shift. So, the 16 and 20 year old, who have nocturnal tendencies anyway, get to sleep through the morning because I’m sleeping too! 7pm to 7am makes a big difference. I surprisingly enough am LESS stressed ( night shift has been less hectic than day shift is in my department, but most nurses can’t say that these days.) I think it has allowed me to “chill”.
Beth Williams says
I don’t have kids, but with work changing for me– not in the way I want or like–I still need to learn to chill out.
Thanks for a good post!
Lina says
My girls are grown up now, but I still have to chill out when they irritate me. Most especially because I don’t have the same parental “controls” as before. Which definitely requires me to Chill.
But I remember an ah-ha moment when they were young and I was staying at home with them. I learned to put myself in “time out”. You would have thought I took away their favorite toy! I realized it was much more powerful (& needed) to put myself behind the closed door than them. It gave me the space to relax and regain my sanity. It also worked on them to realize I was not coming back out until they calmed down too.
God luck ladies! This is only for a Season.