I have a tendency toward poetics, but I am certainly no scholar. If I ever did well in school, I had to work for it, maybe twice as hard as others had to work, but once I developed a love of learning, it certainly became easier for me to justify the work. I was a C and D student in high school who turned out a 3.89 GPA in college.
I was in my Sophomore year when I first believed Christ and His words. I read then that I had been given “the mind of Christ,” and you know what? I believed it, because He whispered to me the way to go. The Holy Spirit gave me understanding, and I thrived on learning more and more and more of the story into which God had actively engaged me. When I first believed, I spent every single day like I had been raised from the dead.
Oh but then I grew up, became tidy, and I put my passion down a little. My learning became a way to know more and better than others. My walk became tired, and I began feeling unsatisfied in my pursuits. This is when I fell hard, to the rock bottom (the pit), when I needed to be resurrected. As it turns out, we experience resurrection again and again.
He has shown me repeatedly that I must be empty to be filled, that blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. I can’t even count how many times I’ve been brought low in my pride, where in the low-down I get to kiss the feet of Jesus. Maybe it’s wisdom, which is Spirit, that I would ever crave the low-down before the height, now to head straight to His feet and cry my tears there until my hair is messy wet.
Lately I’ve been reading it again, the story like it’s real and mine and history and science and future. The Bible is reminding me what life really is and is filling my mind with ancient things, pearls, and the awes of mystery. Jesus Christ lives, and I am walking with Him.What an outrageously mystical thing to say?!
But here’s the deal, in my reading and training my mind, I am being transformed, but life has not become a cake walk. In fact, many things have become uglier. The things that used to satisfy me, they’re leaving me void.
This past year, God has asked me to wait on Him for several things. Right now, I am waiting for Him, and He’s not answered yet.
What I’m learning is that you cannot rightly wait for someone in whom you don’t delight. I turn my face away, daily even; I’ll ponder a different golden calf, wonder if satisfaction is there, the music, the television, the health of my children, the goodness of sex, or the safety of wealth. None of it works.
“Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4). This is a promise. This is the thing HE will indeed give, and it’s a mystery that He would give it, Himself.
He is my delight, and I see with my eyes how the world falls apart, our kingdoms and health, but I am indeed ever satisfied here in Him.
His Kingdom Come. His will be done.
May I turn your heart to a sister, to Ann Voskamp with her family in Haiti? I know many of us feel like fan-girls toward her, but the truth is that we are sisters, and she is humble, and we see Christ in her, and He draws us.
She’s there with Mission of Hope: Haiti and wrote a post about being there, about being empty and crying out to God, and I think it’s important to read. One of her children apparently sprained an ankle while there, and I know she’s processing the hard and the beauty and will share it with us.
I wonder if in the comment section here today, if we could bless her and her family? I don’t care if only three of you do it. Would you speak truth and what you might pray for a sister going with her entire family (even with her mama carrying a sewing machine), that she would know the things of God in the midst of suffering – and that Mission of Hope would receive what is needed?
I know His Kingdom Comes through such things.
post by Amber C Haines of theRunaMuck
original image found here
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