We sit starched and sparkly in what my grandma would call proper church clothes: Button down shirt and ties for the boys, dresses with tights and boots for the girls. David, the kids and I are headed to a formal concert, and we have dressed the part well.
In the car on the way to the performance hall, I review appropriate concert behavior. No talking during the performance. No clapping until each piece concludes. No asking for bathroom breaks ’til intermission. My tween kids know this, but I figure it doesn’t hurt to remind them how their manners should reflect kindness and respect to the musicians and others in attendance.
The concert saw both music and children in excellent form. Intermission arrived, so all three kids and myself used the restroom. And that’s when I lost all credibility to lecture on good manners as I proceeded to exit the bathroom with my sweaterdress tucked up inside my tights.
Awesome and classy, that’s me.
While my sanguine personality and I can easily laugh about it, my face still gets a little hot remembering. It was funny, but the looks I received had me regretting the decision to use the restroom in the first place.
Social media sometimes feels the same way. For example, I kindly and respectfully try to engage someone else in a conversation, but they don’t respond. I post something {I find} witty or funny, and the response is Cricketville. While I have pure intentions in posting updates or tweets, I sit embarrassed when I get no response. I wonder if I walked into the “room” with my dress caught up in my tights by saying something ridiculous or unintelligent after all.
I wonder if it might not just be me?
When we start to feel this way, it can only mean one thing:
It’s time to step away from the social media and step towards a healthy perspective.
1. Remember the social media room is crowded and loud. Recently, I attended a large party at a friend’s stunning, spacious home. While I waved and said hello to several folks and chatted with a few, many people I never spoke one word to. Many people I didn’t even see. The social media room is like this, but it’s endlessly big with new people walking in and out all the time. There’s no way everyone in the room is going to talk to – much less connect with – everyone else.
2. Remember we give to give, not to get. When we leave a thoughtful comment or message, it is a present we place in the hands of the person. We give the gift and move on. Maybe they’ll say thank you out loud, maybe only in their heart. Either way, we don’t stand around, tap our foot, and demand a response. Nobody owes us anything.
3. Remember why you’re important. You have worth because you have fullness in Christ, not because of so-and-so’s interaction and friendship. Put your hope in Him, not them. He is the only One who fills to overflowing and fully gets who you are.
I cherish online friendships, especially the ones that meander into real life. But even a relationship lover like me admits I can’t have one with every person that crosses my path. Neither can you. We all have families to prioritize. We have jobs to do, laundry to wash, words to read, toilets to scrub, walks to take, skies to watch. If we are meant to interact with someone on a deeper level, God will see that it happens.
In the meantime, when the chatter gets loud and you get lonely, step away from the social media. Write offline or read in a corner. Kiss faces. Wrap arms. Snuggle up. Love hard.
And when we do our thing online, let’s not get caught up in what others do or don’t do as it relates to us. Give a message with a smile, grateful for the opportunity to encourage. If your heart reflects kindness and respect to other folks, there is no need to dwell on your one-way conversation.
Not even if your sweaterdress is tucked up in your tights.
When it comes to social media, what helps you to keep a healthy perspective?
Kristen Strong, Chasing Blue Skies
Leave a Comment
EmilySophia says
I definitely needed to read this today. Thank you so much for this reminder and I can say it was definitely Jesus Christ ministering through you. I had a similarly embarrassing experience the other day and, thankfully by the grace of God, I was able to roll over and laugh it away.
Like you I am familiar with “Cricketville” and your reminders are wisdom my heart needs to heed. Thank you.
– In Christ,
Emily Sophia.
Kristen Strong says
EmilySophia, I just have to first tell you you have one of the prettiest names ever.
And thank you so much for your grace and “been there before” support. What a gift you are!
Dr Mari says
Love the transparency of your post; thanks! I also love your explanation for why you chase blue skies (on your website). Social media is a double-edged sword. It’s very healthy to hold it loosely and walk away from it often.
God bless your ministry!
Kristen Strong says
“Hold it loosely…” Yes, that is perfect advice. Thank you!
Amy Hunt says
Amen, sister! Preach. It.
Kristen Strong says
Waving to you, Amy! xo
kris scorza-sobieski says
god’s perfect timing. i have friends all over the world as an MK but i also have a right in front of me life. always thankful for a balance check. and p.s. my fear is the tp hanging out the underwear. fully expect it to happen one day. just hoping someone stops me before i get out the bathroom door! 🙂
Kristen Strong says
Oh, I have that fear too! Ha!
Love your words here, Kris. God bless and keep you.
Linda Stoll says
Kristen … this is so GOOD! You’re gracefully reeling us in, giving us some much needed perspective on the whole screens thing.
As a pastoral counselor, life coach, and super-avid blogger, I am hearing you well. Because I truly think that our obsession is growing
http://creeksideministries.blogspot.com/2012/03/our-obsession-is-growing.html
And that I find unsettling and rather scary …
Kristen Strong says
Thank you, Linda, for your encouragement as well as your words that explore this deeper. Much love to you.
Christine says
Kristen, I am that girl too. For all of my life, I’ve been having “sweater dress in the tights” moments…only now, yes, it’s online. : ) I was just recently thinking, “I don’t think my humor comes across so well in typed form!” Thanks so much for letting me know someone else feels this way too. And I love this line: “If we are meant to interact with someone on a deeper level, God will see that it happens.” Totally.
Kristen Strong says
Oh Christine, thank you for sharing…and for just *being* here and letting me know it’s not just me. You are darling and completely wonderful! xo
Kellie says
OHHHHHH I feel this way frequently… I hate that at 46 (yikes!) I still feel “awkward”…and yes, stepping away and gettingn perspective helps. (by the way… I have walked out of the bathroom at work with my skirt stuck in the back of my hose… all the way down a hall of glass offices… eeeek good think I can laugh about it now… almost 20 years later LOL)
Kristen Strong says
Kellie, you make me smile big ~ thank you!!
maria says
Can’t tell you how many times I read a blog post that deeply touched and impacted me and I wanted to comment and say thank you, but I had to … well, fill in the blank, someone pulling on my apron strings, an emergency call for me like right now, the list of to do’s haunting me …everyone knows, I am sure. I thanked the Lord most of the time, but after reading this I will try harder to let the writer know how their words hit home!! Thank you for your post today!!
Kristen Strong says
Maria dear, do not apologize for not commenting. My intent here isn’t to heap guilt on anyone. I comment on only a small percentage of what I read out of necessity to all those “fill in the blanks” you mentioned. Thanking God for bringing the words you needed to you is perfect.
We are so grateful for you, Maria. You are a treasure! xo
Kerry says
Wise words. The Holy Spirit convicts me about seeking validation too often from the “digital thumbs up”, instead of being content in desiring a “well done” from my Father.
I can SO relate to the dress-tucking episode. Last Christmas I split my pants at our church ladies’ function. Welcome to our elite club, sister!
Gayle says
Every blog you write has inspired me…I am sorry that I haven’t left a comment each time…I especially loved today what you said about it not mattering if we’re not always appreciated by others, but more importantly knowing who we are in Christ and feeling confident and secure in that knowledge. When I stay focused on that knowledge, then I feel so much less threatened by what others think of me and actually respond better to people who may otherwise hurt me by their indifference. Very freeing to stay in Christ each day like that…and more importantly than that, can serve Him better each day as He would want….doing it for Christ!
Vicki says
Kristen!
God is so amazing when He confirms something He has given me to think about!
Our church is spending this first week of the new year fasting and praying. I decided to fast social media, Facebook (and all its wonderful games) specifically. Admittedly, I am addicted to my smartphone. JUST LAST NIGHT I was laying in bed thinking on why I missed FB so much. I realized that it is because I want people to like me, to think I”m funny, to acknowledge me, to “want” me in their life. (I’ve been a people pleaser my whole life.) Then God told me that HE WANTS ME!!!!!! He has always wanted me. He wants each and every one of us. It went straight to my heart and I’m going to cling to that truth.
Thank you for sharing this post! God is good and worthy of our attention….so much more than facebook!
Vicki
Kristen Strong says
Your wisdom here goes straight to my heart, Vicki. Infinite thanks! xo
Michelle P. says
Excellent post! I am not good socially and have few (a handful?) of friends off the web. Social media allows me to have friends in a way I am comfortable and to do what I feel the Lord wants me to do which is encourage, uplift in prayer and share a smile.
Oh and talk about being ladylike, when I wore pantyhose, I once had the elastic waist fail in public and ended up with them around my ankles! Oy vey! LOl!
Kristen Strong says
And what a beautiful encourager you are, Michelle. Keep on keepin’ on, friend…you make a difference. Much love to you.
Anonymous says
I often refrain from commenting because I don’t want to seem the “groupie” –a symptom of my festering pride. (Admission is the first step to recovery, right?)
But… you are one of my favorite contributors, and that is a “gift” to you.
I will not stand and tap my foot and wait for a response : )
Steph P. says
oh, i just love this. my word for this year is “fearless” and so much of it is tied up in your words here. they fill me with hope.
blessings and happy new year!
Mel says
So, a confession. If I ever use a public restroom, I always, always check the bottoms of my shoes before I leave…to make sure I’m not dragging any tp with me! Um, not that anything happened in the past that would cause me to do that or anything! (wink)
Your story brought a smile to my face but was also a good reminder that I needed today. I struggle with my little bloggy space sometimes and wonder if it makes a difference. Thanks for the reminder that “we give to give, not to get”…LOVE this. Blessings to you!
How to Know When You Need a Social Media Break says
[…] this starts to happen, it usually means I need to step away from the social media. Will you join me here and share how you manage to keep a healthy perspective in all things social media? Would you […]
Chris Cannon says
Wow! Thanks! You nailed it for me. I’ve felt the same way, as I attempt to find my place in the New World of social media. Funny how, as a Lead Pastor, I’m so confident and competent in my world. Yet I find myself feeling like a 6th grader on the first day of school: awkwardly trying to learn the new rules. You gave me help and hope! Thx!
Chris
Kristen Strong says
Yes…a 6th grader on the first day of school. That’s a perfect analogy.
So happy to have you here, Chris! We throw the doors open wide for you and welcome you with open arms.
Happy New Year!
Pattie says
Yes, yes, yes. I write and get crickets all the time. And I have to be okay with that, because I can’t NOT write. 🙂
Dana says
Hi, I so so so appreciate this post. I ditched Facebook in August and it’s been an awesome experience for The Lord and me. :). I’ve been seriously considering getting back on and paring my “friends” list way down… Anyway… Thank you so my h for your honesty here …gave me insight into myself. Xo!!
Dana says
Hi, I so so so appreciate this post. I ditched Facebook in August and it’s been an awesome experience for The Lord and me. :). I’ve been seriously considering getting back on and paring my “friends” list way down… Anyway… Thank you so much for your honesty here …gave me insight into myself. Xo!!
Dana Butler says
Oops. I was posting from my phone and something weird happened and it posted twice. Toilet paper moment?! I think yes. 🙂
Kristen Strong says
Buahaha! You crack me up, Dana. And your words are so appreciated, it did me good to read them twice. {Grin} Thanks for sitting here with us, friend!
Rose Chandler Johnson says
Kristen indeed you are so right. I’m rather new to this blogging thing myself, and I have to really remind myself that I’m doing what I do ultimately to honor God. Yes, i want to encourage others and hope to build community. But it certainly helps to keep all those valid points you mention in perspective. People are busy! I’m grateful if someone reads my posts. I pray they are encouraged and good seeds are planted. How fortunate we are that social media is being used as a method to spread the Good News. Thank you for clearly stating what we all needed to hear. Dress in tights huh? Bless your heart. It’s refreshing that you can laugh at yourself. Great parenting skills too, by the way.
http://www.writemomentswithgod.blogspot.com
Regina Cozad says
This was definitely needed today. I am still new to blogging and sometimes I post and feel bad because no one answers but I know people are reading because my page views are up, so maybe they are hearing in their heart but just not responding, either way like you said I’m doing this to give not to receive. Thanks. Also bless your heart I would’ve died had I been caught with my dress in my tight. Thanks for all your encouraging words 🙂
God bless.
Kristen Strong says
Regina, I think it’s exactly like you said: They are hearing it in their heart…and responding to God by giving thanks for showing them your words which they needed to hear.
When I start to feel too small in all the wrong ways, I go to these posts by Lisa-Jo and Emily. May they bless you as they’ve blessed me!
http://lisajobaker.com/2012/01/for-the-days-when-your-blog-or-your-life-feel-small/
http://lisajobaker.com/2012/07/because-your-story-matters-more-than-your-stats/
http://www.chattingatthesky.com/2011/01/20/3-things-to-do-when-they-dont-like-your-art/
Alexis says
Thank you so much for posting this message!
It is EXACTLY what I need to hear and it PERFECTLY describes EXACTLY how I feel about social media!
Your story has given me a better perspective!
God bless you!
Karin says
Love this Kristen! I’m laughing about “cricketville” and grinning with you about the sweater dress debacle. You are so real and transparent. Thanks for being that in this social media place. Funny, funny friend 🙂
PS – you don’t have to reply – I know we’re buddies 🙂
Kristen Strong says
I adore you, buddy. xo
Amanda says
I needed this *she says with a sheepish smile*. There’s been a lot of worry around social media for me recently. Thoughts about what I ‘should’ write, why don’t post like others, ‘why does this one do this or that’ etc etc. Praying about it has resulted in God speaking to me through you Kristen… Thank you!
Kristen Strong says
Oh goodness yes, those questions can swirl in your mind ’til you go crazy. Praying we are both faithful to the singular, tailor-made road He asks each of us to walk. So thankful for you, Amanda!
Hope (aka Brooke) says
I had to write and say bravo and thank you. A great reminder that God will ensure we get what we need when we have faith in Him – whether it’s more “likes” or comments on our posts or new friendships on and offline. It all happens when we have faith in God. Love it. Thank you!! You penned (blogged) my heart today.
Cathryn says
I enjoy keeping up with my family and friends through Facebook, most of whom are not close enough to grab a cup of coffee with. However, it does consume some time. Lately, though, I have been asking God to bring me stories for my blog, and have found myself reaching out to those same Facebook friends, for stories of Grace in their lives, which is what my blog is about. I just acquired a wonderful piece from a friend in the UK which will surface on my blog, soon. I’m very excited!
I would love to have you guest post, too, Kristen. If you ever find time to do so, what with all your time spent in the “Loud and Crowded Social Media sites.” 🙂 [grins]
Anita says
The media monster. That is what I affectionately call it. 🙂 Seems like we can’t live with it and we can’t live without it. Finding a balance between interacting with those who are in our ‘real’ life and social life it hard at times. I think in a techno society, we have some how shifted from face to face interaction to post, tweets, blogs etc. Smart phones and Wi-Fi have uped the anti. Each has its place. I like both. I can send an email, post a blog, send a text and then at their convenience the other party or parties can respond. Sometimes a phone call or conversation is not possible in that moment. Other times I need that face to face. A lunch with a friend, a ‘live’ phone call. A social gathering. I think it just depends on the circumstance at the time. We have gotten so use to ‘instant’. Take the internet for example. As fast as it is, if we have to wait a few seconds, we grow impatient. So, I think finding a balance is key and that it is different for each person.
Michelle Richmond says
Your vulnerability makes us all stand a bit taller…knowing we are not alone. I still think you should put these all in a book! What a fun gift for me to give to our small group ladies :).
Kristen Strong says
You are such an encouraging friend, Michelle. Thank you for believing in me. I adore you!
Missy says
What a wonderful perspective as many of us head into a new year filled with hope and expectation of all that we might miss if we’re not “jacked in”. I’m loving the reminder that we are already loved because of who we are in Christ – sweater dresses tucked in tights and all. (Loved that!)
Alicia says
I so needed to hear this. Have been struggling this entire week with my own expectations that friends on social media should acknowledge every sentence that I say. Thank you for the reminder that we give to give and not to get.
Kristen Strong says
I need reminding more than anyone, Alicia. Thanks for being here with us ~ you are a treasure!
Betsy says
Fun post! I can tell that I’m in a rough spot emotionally when I’m checking my Facebook page regularly – for what? Some sort of acknowledgement that someone has noticed me. It’s a sign that I’m lonely and really need to turn to a friend or quiet myself in prayer. But turning to Facebook is the quick and easy place to go. It takes the desire to live authentically to close the laptop lid and call up a friend instead. Thanks for bringing up the topic.
Tami says
Kristen,
I have been drawing much strength-encouragement-words of love and hope from your blog !!! I read it – ponder – take notes and have shared many posts with friends or fam I feel you are speaking to!!! 🙂 thx for sharing your heart and helping me draw near to the heart of God! Many blessings to you!
Lindsey van Niekerk says
I love this…and my ENFJ self thanks you for the reminder!
Love you!!
Noel says
What perfect timing! I deleted my FB account yesterday and my Twitter some time ago. I didn’t like that I spent more time in social media than in my Bible, and I didn’t like how emotionally attached I was to them. I think for women especially, social media can be a bit of a snare because it is our nature to want close, satisfying relationships and its impossible to have that in social media by its very nature. When I feel that familiar compulsion to glance at the media (which only confirms to me that it was indeed an addiction) I glance in my Bible instead. I do believe this year I will be memorizing scripture! 🙂
Elisabeth Allen says
Thanks so much for this – I especially like this reminder: “Write offline or read in a corner.”
Lalaine says
This is just what I need at this time.I am having a rude awakening with facebook…A dear friend urged me to open one at the wake of the Newtown shooting…and have been posting ever since.But I have found that I may be getting obsessed with the “likes” or comments from people…Definitely time to step back and get perspective.Thanks so much for your words of wisdom!
Amy Corley says
I am really just venturing into this whole world in terms of blogging, facebook, etc., but I can already tell that I need to keep a close eye on my need for approval from those who are reading what I write. My real deep down desire is to write to glorify God. And He isn’t leaving comments on my blog or facebook page! But He does let me know, as I take time to sit before Him, that writing is what He wants me to do. I am striving to write for Him, for that audience of One, trusting that He can use my words to bless others, but not writing for others, which gets me all twisted up inside.
This was so good to think about…thanks for writing, Kristen!
Beth Williams says
First of all I’m not a big big fan of social media–I used facebook, email-that’s it. No tweets, twitters here! My fear is that I’ll post something and either someone will be hurt/upset by it orit could accidentally ruin my reputation!
Rachel says
Wow. I needed this today. It has been rough-going on this end lately. I need to find some encouragement.
When a Mistake Is the Best Thing that Can Happen says
[…] There is the time I walked out of the ladies room with my sweaterdress tucked up in my tights. […]
How to Know When You Need a Social Media Break says
[…] (this is an edited repost originally found here) […]
Eileen says
I read and love all of your Chasing Blue Skies writings…I seldom answer, but please know that so many of them touch my heart. So “Cricketville” does not mean no one cares or relates – only that hearts are quietly drinking it all in. 🙂 Keep up the good work – unbeknownst to you, you are changing lives, one word at a time – online or off!