When I was seven I discovered that I was not perfect.
I was doomed to go through life with a flaw.
I was just learning to write. I would create lengthy stories, inscribing them in immature letters for my teacher.
I thought it was a sign of my writing talent that the teacher constantly asked me to read the stories I had written to her. I never thought it was because she could not read them without my interpretation.
I never considered that my spelling rendered my teacher illiterate.
After I was diagnosed with an audio perception problem part of my therapy was to visit a speech therapist twice a week.
Her name was Adele. Adele had slightly graying hair and worked from her home.
She taught me to play word games. She would read the word. I would match the word with a picture. If I got it right, the puzzle could be flipped over to reveal a secret pattern. If I got it wrong, I failed.
I found this really frustrating. I failed often, or maybe once or twice, but it was a lot in my mind.
Perfect children did not need speech therapy and they excelled if they did go.
Why could I not do this? Why could I not be perfect?
I would get annoyed with myself and I would cry in frustration. One haunting day tears were making trails down my cheeks and Adele asked me why.
I told her I was crying because I was not perfect.
If I was Adele I think I may have laughed. I think I may have said, “Oh honey, no one is perfect!”
Instead, Adele told me it didn’t matter I wasn’t perfect.
She opened her mouth and let life tumble out.
Her heart told me that if I were perfect Jesus would have nothing to do.
That if I were perfect Jesus would not have had to die.
And Jesus died so I could be perfect.
She let me know that Jesus died for me, when I was not perfect, because he loved me, accepted me and cared for me as I was.
He loved the problems and the I-want-to-be-perfect-attitude and the little girl with tears speaking her fears.
I did not believe what Adele said for a long time but I remembered her words.
I knew then that she had not said them just to make me feel better; she had said them because they were beautiful, and true, and could set me free from my need to be perfect.
One day, I found them stumbling out my mouth to meet the wound of another broken person, to bandage up their imperfections with hope and truth.
And they can set you free too.
They can set you free from the need to always be the person you think that others want you to be. They can allow you to relax and just be who you are when you’re alone or with someone that you trust.
If you allow yourself to inhale the freedom that Christ offers when you realize that you don’t do perfect. And you don’t need to.
Because perfect is God’s department. And he’s got that covered.
By Wendy van Eyck, I Love Devotionals
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I love this, Wendy! So true–none of us is perfect, only God! But how hard it can be to remember that and not be frustrated by it at times! I love how Adele gave you such wonderful Gospel wisdom that has stayed with you for your whole life–just beautiful! Thank you for sharing such a lovely, inspiring story! Many blessings!
Thank you!
This is remarkable in the way it changes perspective. Someone told me that once, too. And it stuck. And it’s forever helped me when I wrestle with my own disappointment. I wish I didn’t struggle with this anymore, but He allows it…all for me to know Him. Again and again…and again and again…and….
(I’m an *idea generator*, too.) 😉
Blessings to you in your producing for Him.
It’s amazing how God’s grace allows us to struggle and relearn lessons. I wrote this now because I’ve been struggling with it too again! Great to meet you here!
Thank you for your story. It is so wonderful when God reveals the freedom to fail, to not be perfect. It is a good reminder for when we feel people fail us, no one is perfect. I too had a learning problem, it was not discovered until I was in my 20’s, but it was great to know, the one teacher who said I could never learn was wrong. Praise God, He does perfect.
Amen – He does perfect! One of my favourite bible verses is Phillippians 1:6 about how God has begun a good work in us and he will be faithful to complete it.
Thank you for this post! It was just what I needed to hear. Too much expectation put on me as a child leaves me with a “less than” feeling. I am almost 60 years old now and still have a feeling that i will never be good enough..l Praise God that I am in his eyes good enough just as I am. He has perfect covered in Christ. Very much freeing to hear these words.
Such freedom can be found in realising that in Christ we are perfect and more than enough. I pray you find it.
Thank-you, Wendy, for this. It touched a deep place in my heart that God wants to heal. Part of my personality is dealing with perfectionism and always feeling down on myself because I don’t quite measure up to other peoples expectations or my own. It’s very wounding. I want to walk in the freedom and live the life that Jesus Christ died for me to have. Freedom to be who He created me to be. Your words touched my heart in a special way. It’s so hard to get the words from my head to my heart because I’ve lived a lifetime of pain but God brings people like you into my life to help bring the healing in my soul and my body and my mind Christ died for me to have. Thank-you!
Perfectionism is something that is part of my personality too. Which I guess is why this moment had such a big impact on me. And why I go back to it so often when I realise that we’re not called to be perfect and that God just asks us to love and worship him.
Thank you…I have a similar frustration to 7 year old you…I have some social anxiety and have been in counseling for it since last August…Last year especialy I was getting really frustrated about it because I wasn’t good enough because good people can talk to people and maybe if they do struggle they can at least express themselves to their counselor instead of silently begging to be heard…
Wow. That must be really tough for you. I’m sure with counselling though it will begin to get better. I’m glad a part of my story could encourage you a little.
Wendy, this was a blessing to read. Thank you for sharing your story! I love how He uses all our inadequacy to make us aware of our need for Him…and then how He comes in and displays His glory in the midst of our weaknesses and failures. Beautiful and precious…. THANK YOU.
thank you for the encouragement!
Thank you for this refreshingly honest post, Wendy. It resounded in me too as I have faced this painful challenge all my life in terms of meeting (or not) the expectations of myself and others. My perfectionist tendencies haven’t died yet, sadly, but they are subdued by the realisation that Jesus died to pay for all my sins and imperfections on the cross. If He thinks we are worth dying for then that raises our esteem (in God’s eyes) beyond anything this world could offer.
So true. This reminds me of something Louie Giglio said about how we may have been unworthy but we’ve never been worthless.
Wendy dear wendy. My do we have a lot in common. I was either born with or got later in life–punctured eardrums. That made it virtually impossible to hear anything. My 3 older sisters would get anything I wanted all I had to do was point to it.
Starting in 3rd grade I had to go to Speech therapy alo. Mine was done in the school and took a class period to finish. We worked on Rs, Ss, Ts, Ds–pronunciation of them. It was very hard and made me quite shy.
Growing up wasn’t easy, over the years and with God’s help I have broken the mold of shyness. Now I can get up in front of my little church and do sign language to music.
i still don’t like the way I sound on recordings, but I go on & say that God didn’t make perfect–He just perfects those He made.
Thanks for sharing this encouraging story. And I love what you said about God perfecting those he has made.