I cried for numerous reasons.
I wished I had known Sara before she journeyed into Heaven. I grieved with those who were so affected by her words and those who hold Sara close in their hearts. And finally, I cried for me. You see, I could relate to Sara’s story because I spend much of my time homebound.
Homebound, that’s a word that I would never have imagined would describe me. Such a strange word, so sad, so foreign, so isolating, so alone.
I mean, I’m 34 years old. I’ve been married for almost 15 years and have an almost 13 year old daughter. I loved to run and swim and spend time with friends and family and as much time as I could with our church community.
All that has changed because I now have several chronic illnesses, the worst of these by far being fibromyalgia (a disease which includes many issues such as chronic widespread pain, fatigue, and sleep, memory, and mood problems). I went from doing the work I truly loved (working full-time as a hospital chaplain) to being in a wheelchair most of the time in order to work to not being able to work at all.
My life has drastically changed.
Now, I typically leave the house only one or two times a week for only a few hours at a time (to attend church when I feel up to it and to go to the yarn shop), and only after resting up for days in order to venture out. I have moved from having a very active life full of ministry, exercise, getting together with friends, etc. to spending most of my time in bed or my recliner being taken care of by my hubby and daughter.
Watching Sara’s story, I connected with what we have in common.
But Sara and I have a difference as well:
~Sara didn’t let her illness stop community from happening
but I have been letting my illness stop community from happening.~
I have allowed my pain and fatigue and the walls of my home to become my cave. I venture out every once in awhile when I am at the place where I just can’t stay inside any longer, but then it’s back to my dark corner where I feel alone and not heard and not seen.
Seeing Sara choose joy in spite of her circumstances, in spite of her health, in spite of everything that could have stopped her is giving me a new perspective. Honestly though, it is a struggle. It is hard to find community when the walls of your home are your constant companion.
I know I am not alone in this struggle. And so I write these words, knowing there are others within the (in)courage community that are in similar situations. Sisters, let’s choose to choose joy and come together to form the community that we all need, that Sara found, and journey through this life together.
Image Credit: Home Alone by lobbiaz on FlickrLeave a Comment