We sat across the table from one another at a Starbucks.
“Were you scared?”
My nine-year-old quietly nodded her head.
“Did you want me?”
Again. A slight nod and a solemn look. She sipped her smoothie. My mother’s heart sank.
“You know you could have called me and I would have come to get you, right?”
“I know, Mom.”
This was the morning after a rite of passage for all young girls: she’d just spent the night at Natalie’s house for her first real slumber party. It was complete with movies, games and cinnamon rolls in the morning. All her girl scout friends were there and most of the girls we’d all known since Kindergarten.
Nothing bad had happened at all. It was a perfect night, but she was simply scared being away from home in an unfamiliar place.
I had already begun to second guess myself as I saw the tears begin to well up in her eyes.
“Did you want to come home, sweetheart.” I grabbed her hand.
She shook her head. No.
Yes, she was scared. Yes, she felt sad and lonely. But no, she had not wanted to come home. I sat back in my chair.
I’m proud of your bravery, I told her. I’m proud of the way you are growing up, I said. I know you were scared, but you knew that you were safe and that you were okay. It’s a sign of you getting older, did you know?
She nodded again and came over to sit on my lap {almost ten and still okay to cuddle.}
She could have called me if she wanted to. We live exactly 7 minutes away from Natalie’s house. I could have swooped in at midnight or at 2 in the morning and rescued her. I could have and would have. And I was ready.
Simply knowing that I was there to rescue and comfort was enough for her nine-year-old heart. She knew I loved her. She knew that I was close by. It wasn’t easy but she had to rest into her fear at the same time.
She’s growing up.
I can’t help but notice that it’s the same thing with God.
It’s knowing that the Lord is there, ready to rescue, mighty to save. He is waiting to see if we can make choices and decisions based on how He’s “raised” us and if we can show our maturity and move forward in bravery and in confidence that we are doing the right thing because we’ve been taught the right thing.
He is mighty to save, and He will when He is needed. But sometimes, he waits knowing that we are “grown up” enough in Him.
It’s healthy to rest in a bit of fear, knowing how intimately close he really is and that his heart has already encompassed ours in comfort.
Can you rest into the fear sometimes? Is it hard for you to know and really believe that God is mighty to save and ready to rescue?
Leave a Comment
Shari@Rain into Rainbows says
We’ve done the 3a slumber party retrieval before. It’s one of those things she still talks about, years later. I love being able to provide her with those types of memories.
I struggle with my faith at times due to my disability still. I’m a work in progress for sure.
Sarah Markley says
i think we all still struggle with faith. thank you so much for sharing this, shari.
Lisa H says
Fear has been paralyzing me for years. But I’m getting better. I never thought of resting in my fears though. But your description of your little girl, she was scared but she knew she was safe…I’ve been able to move past some fears this way, was scared to death but I knew deep down I was safe even though my mind tried to tell me otherwise.
Just this weekend I steered clear of a panic attack just waiting to happen. Because of fear of being left by someone dear to me. I had friends tell me they were leaving our church because they were asked to be the worship leaders somewhere else and he accepted. They started yesterday. I do not do well with change. I panic when people leave my immediate circle. I start thinking everyone else will leave also.
I saw another friend Sunday morning at church, my confidant, counselor, mentor, sister. She looked at me and knew something was wrong. I told her about these friends as well as some other things from the week and she just hugged me long and hard. She let me just rest in her arms for a moment. She told me not to panic, hmmm she knows me so well, she is not leaving, again she knows me oh so well, and she said its okay to grieve the change. But they are not leaving town, just 2 hours out of my Sunday morning are different. I know this. I do.
I haven’t panicked yet. I’m grieving the change-I’m down and out the last 24-36 hours but I won’t panic. I am safe, no one has left me, I am okay.
Sarah Markley says
i’m so sorry Lisa. Change is hard and it is difficult not to panic. but you are safe and i think you have a very good friend who was able to help you rest.
Christie says
I could have written the same story! My best friend and her husband are leaving the church we all grew up in for him to be the worship leader at their new church home. I cried. She’s excited. I want to be excited and happy for her, but my fear holds me back. Resting in the promise of joy and peace.
Betsy says
I am resting into fear at this very moment. My husband is in the hospital, fighting for his life. I am trusting God for the outcome He desires, and at the same time begging God to let me have him a little while longer. I am afraid, but I know that God is in control.
Jennifer says
Praying for you and your husband, Betsy.
Sarah Markley says
i am so sorry betsy. i will be praying for you today.
Karin says
Oh my gosh I am in that place myself right now. My daughter is 7 and sometimes talks or asks about slumber parties, and I back away from it like an animal I’m leery of. I don’t think she’s ready. I like your parallel that God looks to see how we’ll act – how He’s ‘raised’ us. He’s raised us right and yet sometimes we reflect badly on Him. Wish that I had His patience and stamina. I sometimes find it surprisingly easy to rest into fear, especially when it’s a situation where there really is nothing I can do; but often I still feel I should at least ‘carry on’ the way David did while his first child with Bathsheba was ill. It’s an interesting exploration. I love how you processed and de-briefed the experience with your daughter.
Sarah Markley says
thank you karin! i’d never really thought about that story about DAvid in that light. thank you so much for your comment. =)
Jennifer says
I definitely struggle with resting in fear. Instead of resting, often I coward away in fearful situations. Thankfully I do not have to live in the flesh, but the Spirit. Praise God for His grace to rest in fear, even when that’s not your first instinct.
Sarah Markley says
i’m echoing you Jennifer. it really is His grace that allows us to do it.
Risé Brown says
I loved this post … I have been able to face so many fears in my life only because God was there … this was so uplifting to read, He taught me to, “show our maturity and move forward in bravery and in confidence that we are doing the right thing because we’ve been taught the right thing.” This was such a comfort to my soul!!
A year ago, doing the right thing meant confronting my family about my mother’s abuse toward me, risking rejection, I finally came out with it. The worst did happen. I was rejected big time. But my Father was there, He’s always been there … He really is my Comforter, He really is MY FATHER, MY DAD. I could never imagine my life without Him … He taught me to do the right thing no matter how painful and no matter how scary.
There is blessing in doing the right thing.
Sarah Markley says
wow! i am so encouraged by your bravery and your honesty. thank you so much for sharing this. your faith is such an amazing example to “doing it afraid.”
Caroline@CarolineCollie says
So encouraging! I am in the middle of a (transcontinental) transition right now, and the fear of the unknown regarding what’s ahead is sometimes a little overwhelming. It is good to be reminded that sometimes it’s okay to be honest about being afraid! I can rest in the God who has it all planned out already! Thank you!
Sarah Markley says
that’s a BIG change. and yes, i is ok to be honest about fear. i think so often we feel like we need to hide it.
Simple Life Journey says
And just like we know certain milestones are good for our little ones, God knows that some are important for us to go through as well. Funny how we understand God better when we have children.
Kiersten Johnson says
I am in the midst of fear. I moved away from my “home” which is not a physical place of familarity and comfort to take care of my grandma. I am taking care of my grandma until the Lord invites her home. Once she goes home to be with the Lord, I don’t get to move back to the familar but move on to the unknown. I am moving from Southern California to Montana. Although I do have family there and dating relationship waiting for me I am still fearful. I am fearful of the unknown and all that can happen to me. I need to remember that God is right there beside me waiting to rescue me. Thank you for this reminder and love how brave your girl was!
Sherri Ohler says
Hi Sarah, thank you for this beautiful picture of fear and what it means to be brave. I find my self the target of a pursuing enemy, much like David was with Saul. And although my physical life is not at stake that I know of, my every move is watched and hunted and they will stop at nothing less than crushing me. I LOVE that you said that God is mighty to save!! He has saved me many times, and will continue to do so-thanks for spurring me on to be brave and never give in to fear of man!
Bless you!
Sherri
dad says
Sarah,
what a great thot!
i think fear & chance of failure are part of EVERY faith-life…young or old. little Hope growing up thru a spot of fear, while learning that fear itself can’t kill us…unless we let it…amazing, isn’t she?
sounds like a lesson i keep having to re-learn myself!
love you,
dad
Molly says
Needed this today, waiting to hear about a change (not a good one possibly) in my husbands job. This could leave us adrift with 3 children. Wanting God to have HIS way in the outcome and strength to make tough choices.
Chrissy @ Fireflies and Hummingbirds says
I’m glad she worked through her fear. What a great accomplishment for her!
My niece is 9, and I see her going through this sort of thing. It’s a big world, and they’re reaching the age where they want to venture out into it, yet they need to know we’re still there with an outstretched hand, waiting to rescue them.
Thanks for sharing, Sarah.
Kaitlin Evans says
Sarah. I absolutley love and adore this post. I love the idea that our Father is just waiting…but we need to ASK for his help. I struggle with this. Sometimes I think my requests are too little or petty or selfish or rude.
Learning to ask God for help in ALL things. To rescue me from even my smallest battles. To Him, all battles are small battles. 🙂
Katie @ Imperfect People says
Our one TRUE LOVE waiting to rescue us from oursleves! (can you tell I am re-reading Redeeming Love) such a great read. Thanks for this beautiful post
Morgan says
It’s a beautiful thing to watch your kids be big and little at the same time. I love having front-row seats to my kids stepping out and discovering that they can do most anything … I bet God loves it, too! 🙂
gitz says
i feel like i rest in the fear all the time. i can’t tell you the number of times I have laid here and said, “God, i don’t think i can do this anymore.” But it’s always followed with, “But i will if you need me to.” All i really need is the space to say I don’t want to, even though in the end I know I will. Just like Hope needed you as a safe place to say she was scared, even though she stayed.
Kristen Strong says
Resting in the fear knowing His heart encompasses ours…gorgeous words, Sarah. And soul affirming! LOVE.
Diane Taylor says
What a great post, Sarah – it transported me back 41 years – back to my first slumber party at age 11 – back to my first night away from home – back to all the giggles with my friends, and the unexpected fear that welled up inside of me. I remember being afraid that noone would like me – what if I woke up with weird bed-head hair and no one else did? I remember being relieved when the sun came up and I was still snug in my sleeping bag – I did it, I was still here, and no one hated my bedhead hair. Now, in my 50s, when I attempt something new (like Yoga – or Zumba!), that same fear rises up. You would think after all this time – I would have a handle on this whole acceptance idea, right? We all have this fear inside – it’s knowing that there is someone close by who can take our fear away and replace it with total acceptance – that is what gets me thru these moments. That is what got your sweet daughter thru her fear – knowing that you were there all along! Thanks for sharing this with us and reminding me that there is always one who will accept us, and is always close 🙂
Jessica says
I think when we rest into fear we really begin to exercise those ‘trust’ muscles. I needed this reminder to lean into the fear because His arms are on the other side to catch me. I have a task ahead of me–a wonderful, blessed task, but it strips me of myself and all I can do is trust. –Thank-you!
SarahJane says
I’m living in a lot of uncertainty right now. As many of the previous commenters have said, it is easier to shrink away and hide out until the storm has passed than it is to “rest in the fear”. I don’t want to look for work, build new relationships, consider the future because it is big and scary. Yet – I am safe. I am no further away from God than I have ever been. And His love is still there holding me up and surrounding me. Thank you for this reminder that even when in unfamiliar situations, I can make the decision to stay put and move forward in the new experience.
Rachel says
If we aren’t uncomfortable, we aren’t growing…
I loved this post for so many reasons, but mainly because her little story is the story of each of us as we continue to grow in stretching ourselves the way He wants us – healthy fear is good fear 🙂
Thank you!