Years ago, I wrote that and meant it. Literally. The all encompassing black cloud of depression held tightly to me, and death seemed the only escape.
Thankfully, He rescued me from that cave of despair. Now, I want to live. And not just live, but live BIG.
Because, you see, I have dreams. Big dreams. Dreams that if I told you about you’d think I’m a little crazy. Dreams for my kids. My marriage. My ministry.
Crazy. Big. Dreams.
Lately when I talk to Jesus about my dreams and ask Him what I should do to make all my dreams come true I seem to hear Him whisper back:
“Learn to die.”
Not exactly what I was hoping for.
But the more I think about it the more I believe that’s exactly what He’s trying to get me to do… die.
Not literally, of course. But in every other way God wants me to die.
John 12 says “unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.”
I grew up in the nursery business. My earliest childhood memories were of burying seed in soil. I remember well the miracle that followed the death of a seed. New life… springing up, blossoming, growing.
Every hope and dream I have is a seed. And I have to confess, I hold tightly to my seeds.
Sometimes I get my seeds out and hold them in my hand. I show them to God, and ask Him to make them grow. Then I close my fist tightly over my seeds, and quietly wait for new life.
But what if instead of holding them I buried them? What if I were to dig up the soil, and deposit them into the earth. What if I covered them in darkness, and waited for sunshine and rain to call them back to life.
I guess the real question is… do I want seeds or fruit? Do I want hope or harvest? Do I want dreams or life?
Dying literally is not optional. One day we will all draw our last breath. Dying spiritually, on the other hand, is a choice. Death can be scary, both literal death and spiritual death. But if I choose to die while I live then I will have nothing to fear when it is time to die.
Are you holding tight to your dreams? To your kids? Your marriage? Your future? Your financial situation? Your health? Your happiness?
Are you holding tight to your life?
If so… maybe it’s time to let it die.
I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. Gal. 2:20.
Challenge: Today go by a packet of seeds (my choice would be zinnias or marigolds). Find a quite place and hold them in your hand. Talk to Jesus about your hopes and dreams. Then go bury them, either in your yard, or in a pot on your kitchen counter. Water. Wait. And watch!
by KeriLeave a Comment